Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Date: 28th Feb 2007
Time: 1803Hrs
Situation: CB LA, Fucking Rain~ I Sick Liao Still Want Rain Whole Day
This is a story about a poor newspaper called the Today. Keong left home to tampines to meet JH when rain was still small, so he tot "Aiya small fuck". Reach Somerset liao, kapo Today, hoping can read. Phua Cheebye! Go outside heavy rain, become my protector.
It's cool how you go around looking for specific shops with new things never seen before, cause I stepped into this Games shop (BOARD GAMES OKAY, NOT VIDEO GAMES), and holy shit, damn cool place it was. Many warhammer figurines, COOL ones, board games of many kinds, and well, many nice dice, I bought a set of 12 dice for $12.50 =D.
The games, wah damn cool la, all the strategy board games I wanted to buy, Fucking costs $80-200. And is those super long kind of games. So before I buy, any idiots interested in extremely-ultra-long-term-strategybased-boardgaming-at-keong's-house can tell me so I can go and buy and jio them stayover my hse.
On with the Today Story, that piece shelter me all the way from dhoby ghaut MRT to parklane, then we sit at minds cafe n play plenty of games, including dis one call abalone, play until mind can explode. zZzZz. Obviously, JH won most of the games (PUI), and Keong wasn't so smart at his expertise afterall.
So towards the end, we walk back to MRT lo, Today survived, and Keong read it, until when he reach bedok, narhia heavy rain. Cover Keong until the paper also tear halfway thru. Today didn't survive sadly, and was buried at Keong's hse~.
~ KeongSterZ ~ No luck~ Whole week off I whole week fall sick zZzZz.
Posted by borny @ 6:02 PM
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Sunday, February 25, 2007
Date: Sunday Feb 2007
Time: 0240Hrs
Situation: Actually supposed to go coaching later at 8, but hell, not sleepy.
K la, everyone says I too longwinded, So i try to summarize as of today.
Morning, played tennis @ my condo with weiling, poh, jarred, sarah, joyce n supposedly Dave, but Before he came, I had to go. Go makan with my grandfather n family, wah high class sia, go Spring court, Narhia $40 per person, PUI~ But the fish, Wah, Shiokz.
Go home and just toh la, buey tong liao, then Jacky was nice enough to invite me go his Aunt place Jiak steamboat. Wah cheebye, super miscommunication. I fuck up badly, I hear "Jacky Hse" So i go take 65 go bedok reservoir road. Den they say what Blk 126. So I was at blk 126, but on the wrong place. Kanna they actually at pasir ris, WTF!~ (Aunty Place Lar Keong!)
Never go b4, how? Take taxi lor, I patronized my first taxi in (Counts with fingers). . . 6 months, and taxi kana some maze-like-carpark, so I just drop off n walk lor. Saw 126 from far "Wah seh reach liao, not bad sia", later walk on "Eh why so familiar this area?" Diao around look around, wah, shag. Bad memory lai liao, kakin walk to jacky aunt place n just eat steamboat liao.
After that go JH hse lo, from lau yu sheng to play blackjack. Jialat ar the things happening there, but I suppose it all went fine. I was suprised everyone reacted like "Aiya nevermind la" that kind of thing so I was thinking, "Does it happen often?" And yeah, I kinda won $$, but really, dun feel any happiness inside. Well I know that they're just joking around, and maybe I'm oversensitive, but I think my mind's just too busy concentrating over the other incident until I really just kept losing concentration over anything I'm doing.
K la quite short liao la, mai complain liao. From now on it's going to be like that, unless really bopian =p, need 2 be detailed h0h0h0. Ok, Baileys Anyone? I Need to get drunk, maybe this coming week.
~KeongSterZ~ Pride? I think I ran out of em a long time ago~
Posted by borny @ 2:39 AM
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Thursday, February 22, 2007
Date: February 22nd 2007
Time: 1605Hrs
Situation: Let's sub-divide em into chapters.
Chapter 1: I woke up at 3pm again today, beginning to feel it's really unhealthy.
So I got back from work in the morning as usual at 4am, got home and as usual, went to dota and didn't sleep. Dozed off timing was like 6am, and I didn't even feel like sleeping. I still did anyway and got up at 3pm, which really made me feel damn F-ed up.
What's worse was that there was NOTHING for me to do at this kind of time. I could only dota, but somehow, I'm just so forcing myself not to. And yeah, well, I didn't. And I've got work again later at 9pm again. Calculating my finances, it's kinda assuring to know i get $38 a day for 6hrs on night shifts. Well at least it's Money to spend. . Sheesh.
Chapter 2: I Read The Fucking Newspaper!!!
So I woke up in the morning forcing myself NOT to dota. I went downstairs n kapoed the newspaper. H0h0h0 read the urban/straits times and found the place i've always been looking for, the place that sells equipment for mixing/drinking. And just so when I wanted to go, I looked at the time "Fuck Keong, 3:30pm, and u got work 9pm, sibei bo ko leng to go lor." Timing damn out of the way sia.
Anyway, location of the shop is 7/9/11 temple street (according to them), called Sia Huat i think, in chinatown. Confirm must go, must jio pple go with me liao. I can so see myself spending hundreds there.
Chapter 3: Job Search, Time To Wake Up My Fucking Idea!~ But What Do I WANT!?!
For once, I decided to STOP filtering the classified, so I read every single piece of job they had in there. All I could gather was Keong's lifetime experience was basically cashiering, high-level-tolerance and driving.
Looking around showed me the various types of jobs. Sales? Well, mini toons giving $20000/year sia, meaning WTF? Means $1666 a month sia, for Just O lvl cert, that's quite abit sia. Just to be sales rep in changi airport, now that's a W-o-w for me, but well, just not for me =p. See? What do I really want sia.
Weird thing I noticed was, many jobs require weekend working or/and 12hr shifts. Like, sian. So the only 9-5jobs are office jobs? Gonna be pretty hard to do so. So many things I want to do sia, If I really do 12hour shifts, I can so see myself just working n going home to 1 round dota, sleep, then wakeup to work again. OMG!~ 12hr work, 8hr sleep, 1-2hr transport, 1-2hr dota, NO MORE!?
One more thing I really took note of. Notice how these articles mention at least 3 kinds of things.
1) Must be friendly, outstpoken, bla bla bla
2) Must be bilingual, good in english and chinese bla bla bla
3) Must Have at least XXXX Years experience.
That only makes me wonder, u sure the people in there are like that? It's like, both sides are deceiving. The people lookin 4 job bullshits about those kind of things, the employers also bullshit their way through saying their company sibei zai. Towards the end, is everyone just deceiving each other? Should I be honest or just apply for those jobs say need 5 year exp i Zero year i also zhao chiong?
Work, sibei stress ah, why like that!~? So I work liao can totally forget about playing!~? Liddat H.I.G.H is damn good to me liao la!~ Even tho it's shit, I must say.
Chapter 4: Jacky fault lar~ Sian
Everyday I see Jacky nickname, make me sibei sian. Think up another case study, actually, even a flow chart sia. Jacky put "I don't want you to be my good friend, I want you to be my girlfriend." Shag.
Then I think again, TV shows got alot of these examples one, guys who will chiong sua all the way, Jacky is one good example. But to be honest, I dunno what it'll take to make him stop =p. Maybe he won't. Then I thinking, good or bad? Good is like, he's relentless, refusing to give up, showing his sincerity. Bad is like, eh, sekali turn to irritation how, later become hatred. Bu huey bah, but love seems really like machiam playing poker. A Gamble. Jacky's like "I SHOWHAND AR!" Or something like that. The balls big big. For me will be similar to my gambling style. People throw big, I think twice. I reconsider, If i confident to win, I follow up. But following up alone will be a big risk. U never know if he's playing with your mind or not =.=, then u lose u lose it all.
I've been passive for almost 2 weeks now. Never really did anything at all, just minding my own business with work, dota, normal friend-hangouts. Well I don't know, thinking once in a while doesn't hurt =p. I won't say I'm heartbroken, just, damn sian. But my concept with Jacky is different. I follow the "If you love her, you just want her to be happy" Theory and totally stop the torment.
Chapter 5: Am I ready for the real world?
Knowing that I'm awaiting NTU/SMU's reply towards my application, it's probably yet another excuse for me to not go full time and mess around part timing all over the place. My life now consists of 2 part times, coaching + HIGH. Enough to sustian me, but not earn me much. But to be honest, after looking at all the full times, I'm actually happy to be like that.
I have the time to be playing, there's so much things I still want to do. The minute I think of taking my whole next week off, I already had an idea of how many fucking things I just wanted to do, and that the next week alone isn't enough, but i'm going to make it more than enough, if not I'll just wander off into the world of slacking once again.
I have many places i want to walk around, so many things I'm looking for, so many things I wanna look at. I have my tennis I'm so damn gian to play, I have my cooking I want to learn from weiling, I have my research I so want to do with JH, I have so many things I wanna buy. And maybe people would go "Your dota leh?", Seriously that is the only one thing I wanna do that takes the LEAST amount of time. Dota, 1-2hrs at home, or at high. Kanna go out got that fast meh? Drive to some place 30min, walk around where got 1hr nia then go home one. Go eat lunch la, twang la bla bla bla. Play tennis also where 2hr nia, still need to shower n all. I seriously can't imagine my life with a 12-hr Shift job. Maybe if I was still a loner~
~KeongSterZ~ S-I-A-N~ Chiong Classifieds This Saturday Liao~ GG~
Posted by borny @ 4:05 PM
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Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Date: 21st Feb 2007
Time: 1752Hrs
Situation: This year's CNY wasn't so bad afterall.
Well yeah, so I told myself to stay awake for as long as I could on eve, special thanks to Sjaiful who knew chinese customs better than I did, and accompanied me to wash car and makan at siglap until like 2:30am, then dota for the rest of the day, and ended up sleeping 6:30am, ended up sleeping at every house I stepped into. Call me a moving sleeper =D. Well it was cool overall, I decided to join in on a little gambling just for the entertainment of it and go figures, since I was working, I felt I could afford to lose lots of money off.
Who would have thought that I ended up winning $95 off the people along my age group within an hour or two. Then I ended up watching Eight below at home since no one was gambling anymore.
Damn movie, it had that level of heartbreaking scenes that just made my tears roll off without stopping. I figured maybe when humans died, they display it through screaming, overwhelming emotions and well, maybe some exagerration, they're acting afterall.
You're talking about dogs here. And goddammit, you couldn't understand jackshit what they're barking about, but when you see their actions and the noises they make when they're sad, it just somehow got into me, even a dead dog looks so . . . much worse than seeing a dead human.
Well whatever, apart from openly disgracing myself that I cried over this movie, I'd totally recommend this shit cause it's just so damn power lah, even though it's goddamn old already, what's new right? It's KEONG.
Well anyway at night I went out with Sjai and Shah at simpang for supper (WTF KEONG!? CNY ALSO GO OUT WITH 2 MALAYS!~?). Ahha well it's better than cooping myself up at home dotaing, but I went to dota anyways with jon and gang later at night until 2am, went home and dota somemore until 6am again =.=, and so the 2nd night ended at six again =.=
2nd day was really dumb, I mean, everyone was at my house as early as ten, Yong was due to come, but his phone call kinda got me murmuring to him and I just collapsed again. Ended up he did not come cause the host did not show him the way =X. Abruptly awoken by dad to eat reunion lunch, so while everyone was dressed up nicely, I was wearing my commando singlet, adidas basketball shorts, and my trusty hairband =.=, how fucked up was that =.=
The usual went to pray to my grandmother commenced after lunch and got home again after that. The final part of new year (Always the boring one), was to visit this whoever's house where there was no entertainment at all, except gambling, which I'd naturally hate. But I went anyways, at a later period with my bro n his gf. Lose plenty of marnee man~ About $50, but I think my dad lost X40 of what I lost. It just seemed he went bust somehow. It's new year anyway, once a year thing. Give N take? Ahha then I ended up stealing people PSP play this aeroplane game just so I don't gamble more $ away. Somehow all I needed was to touch the PSP To hear Fiona's voice echo In me "Keong, when will you stop playing games?" Ahha which was the same thing Sjai said "Keong, you need to grow up man." *Shrugz* Is gaming really that bad?
At Night? Go see JH lo~ Then went to Kong Hse, Gamble moreee. Learn this weird game, which I conveniently forgot the name (Too tough la, Jim something). Really tough sia. But was cool overall, play blackjack also dunno win or lose. Change too much $$$ with people, then got lose some got win some. Overall I really dunno, but i guess the win-lose range will be around -$20 to +$20. Until 2-3am sia, then got home and dota~ (AGAIN). And by the way, I refuse to admit that I am addicted to gaming because I only play when I got nothing to do, and not 24/7 also gian to play. (I blog too you fucking idiots!!!)
Day 3. . . My new year normally ends at day 2, 3 onwards will be back to normal life, but not this time round. JH called n was supposedly visiting my hse with chris, jacky, kaiwei, but stupidly enough(KEONG!!!), I just wokeup when he called me and I looked arnd e hse, Eh? Bo lang eh. . . Wahahaha fuck sia, kana own~
So I ruined everyone's day initially, but recovered quickly as we went to Kong hse and play lo. More gambling looo, and drinking too!~ Played this snakes n ladder game, which I bought at IMM cuz it was really interesting and idiot-proof. Involved drinking, Truth Or Dares, and bloody idiots added in the "eating" part too. So initially I was hungry without lunch, but they made me full with all the chocolates n stuff.
A few games of mahjong and we ate steamboat thanks to Kong n family. Made a really cool feast for us. Damn shiok can~? Feel lke going seoul garden again, But i dunno, it seems they have a bad reputation in many people's hearts. Maybe I ought to find out more to see what business is really like.
Learnt poker towards the end, oh my god, so difficult game. Lose money also like flushing down the toilet bowl. It really does seem like a game of dare on a certain point of view. Like, how certain are you that you'll win? SHOWHAND AR!!!
I won ah, in the end, $2. Ahha. But I still won, I really thought I was a goner on this game.
Tried baileys for the first time too. Well I dunno, Mint chocolate. It was nice to me, in the sense that it sucked initially but the late period u feel the chocolate, yummyyyy. Everyone else doesn't think that way though, they hated it, really bad ahha. I guess I just love chocolate too much.
Something about baileys. That fucking thing solidifies with many other drinks. Fucking put coke with baileys and you get a brownish PRECIPITATE (YES CHEMISTRY). Damn disgusting to drink sia. Put with chivas U ALSO GET PPT. Almost everything with it also get ppt lah. WTF really disgusting to look at it. Like you're drinking Mud or something. I really wonder what it'll mix with. Shld go ask the bartenders soon.
At night went to dota~ Again~!~ With just Jon n Yong. Then go makan supper then go home lo. Fucker Jon made me stay up until 7:30am, then supposed to play tennis in e morning, he never sleep, but i slept, until 5pm wahaha I bastard them =X. OOoooops.
So today marks the first day of back-to-reality. Keong time to go to work~ Cannot all play no work ah!~ zZzZzZz~ Ord loooo~~~
Somehow I did notice that throughout the whole new year I didn't see 3 of my relatives. Like, NO SHIT KEONG!~? Looks like I do give a damn about my relatives after all =D.
~KeongSterZ~ Ownage 1st Place: Nvm You Stupid, I dowan to talk to u.
Ownage 2nd Place: This kind of thing by right won't happen one lah, but Keong is Keong, somehow it will happen one.
Ownage 3rd Place: Keong is my God Of Fortune, every year lose money to me~
Posted by borny @ 5:50 PM
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Saturday, February 17, 2007
Date: 17th February 2007
Time: 2205Hrs
Situation: Life has never felt so fake before.
I really wonder if there's anyone who dislikes chinese new year as much as I do. I mean, it's that bad to me, today marks the first day of my suffering with my relatives, and i was just that close to punching some jackass who was enjoying himself irritating me while i was just trying to watch a movie.
Anyone who has watched channel 8 today, would have watched The local movie, TheBest Bet, it's not new, but still damn nice. Storyline was cool n all, jokes were very singaporean and could easily make sings laugh, but i'd really say prolly only the sings would understand. I'd still say Jack Neo's good with doing movies with relation to our society's issues, afterall, they do hit us.
I was in deep thought again today, and for some reason, when I washed the toilet, I felt like I had a life, some goal to do, even though it was done properly in my context, but not towards others.
Had 2 reunion meals today, simple ones, but irritating nonetheless, on the car I looked out the window, I don't know why, but my life felt so fake, It was like I didn't exist, which obviously I knew I did, with all the bloody idiots pissing me off.
Then I thought of my old life, and my current life. I had a computer, that's it, and shattered galaxy, RO, dota, RPGS to waste my entire life in. Now, I have a TV, a computer, a DVD player, and many DVDs which i've not watched and many unplayed games, but I no longer have the hardcoreness to play for the whole day. I kinda yearn to be out there, doing something with somebody, anybody. Even though that's what I'm sure to do almost everyday, it's just not enough. I even needed to kick myself outta my happiness that I gotta work someday. Total freedom was just a dream, a dream that my friends surrounded me with.
The situation now is totally different. I have time, I have work, I have too many things to do, but I don't do. Can never seem to find the right time to do, and then the funny part? Damn sian at home all day long, wondering what to do. Go out also sian to go out alone. It was only then I realized, I'm not the same anymore, I'm no longer the loner I used to be. I don't even wanna smell it anymore.
But yet again, I think into what people think of me. My close ones all look upon me as one thing, Stupid. Keong will be Keong, he'll somehow fuck up somehow.
I'm not exactly good at talking either, I just don't seem to say the right things.
Then we have the Beng side who'll never seem to leave no matter what, my words will never stop offending people, which I'll never stop somehow. It's probably just me, myself, and my comfort zone.
I don't like my relatives for asking stupid questions, but then again, I asked myself, "What else can they ask? Is it really that hard to just reply the same answers over and over? Who cares if they're asking for fun? You're just spending a lil bit of energy entertaining them while they're helping you pass time? Is it really that hard for me to accept them? I don't see them often you know."
I hate my mum for her ultra sarcasm, her stupid bitching, her oversensitive care for me, her supreme "assumption" of no one helping her when no one knew she needed help in the first place, and lastly, her initiative and countless praises over just small things. Then again, like JH says "Which woman not like that? she dun ask for help u volunteer la, dun whole day stay in ur room n mind ur own business" I thought to myself, at least she bothers to praise, which I find "Bah, same nonsense all day", probably encouragement to others but sheer waste of time to me. Her initiative just puts me down all day with her countless questions, but they're care and concern no? Is that my pessimistic side all my friends have been talking about?
What am I supposed to be really looking at? What in the world makes me stupid? Should I really change my concept of life to everyone else's way of doing things in this world? Or just be the unique Keong of all times? Never seem to do the right things, ultra honest, can't lie for nuts, can't socialize for nuts, doing what he feels is right and not do things that he feels are stupid but everyone else enjoys?
This chinese new year, I shall be looking for the answers, for once I shall face my relatives head on, and maybe just gamble with them =.=. Maybe money really isn't that important. Maybe I just need to know the occasion, and the proper display of action on proper occasions.
~KeongSterZ~ A)Killing yourself Doesn't solve anything
B)But I'm not trying to solve anything by killing myself
A)Ok, whatever, but you'll create many more new problems.
Death? I'm afraid too. Who isn't?
Posted by borny @ 10:05 PM
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Date: 14 Feb 2007
Time: 1800Hrs
Situation: Help Lar~ Work Lar~ All The Fricking Computers Spoiling Lar~
Working at H.I.G.H has never felt any worse. I mean, life was normal there, I could just stand there, mind my own business, and just carry on getting paid $5 an hour. But that's not the case to me. I was there as a desperate measure, one that would be called in to work only if there was no one else available to do it.
And it'll be back to my stupidity as more and more complaints roll in with more computers fucking up, hanging and sorts, and amazingly even a mass power trip that made half computers NOT work. Like what the fuck man. None of the major people wanted to do anything, they'd rather avoid my phone calls, go missing and sorts. Talk about a failing business.
And just when i began it was so systematic and cool, probably from the outside it just seems so easy for me to be talking like as if it was so damn easy, inside who knows what these "bosses" are actually doing. Maybe they are doing something about it, or they're overstressed about it, but from what I see, it's still detoriating.
No doubt it'll be a good experience that I'm witnessing such a scene, because of that possibility of me starting one soon, such a similar incident might occur.
And today, marks V-day, 7 days after my ORD as well. It's been awhile since I've been struggling to mingle into reality, like yesterday forcing myself to leave training early to get to work. I actually realized I'm not that free a person, especially one of a hardcore tennis player with many other different issues to do out there, hardware research, mingling around etc. Life is not easy man. Gotta find the right balance to it.
The whole day out today was hell. Couples everywhere, it was a lil weird tho, it just seemed like the whole Ngee Ann Secondary were blind people, and it also told me that I had no right to comment.
I knew that I failed, so big that I probably wasn't accepted to the last molecule that makes me up. It just felt like I never should have done it, which also made me know that experience takes up a big portion of life. This pain will be etched into my history, and shall never be forgotten. All that's left is to move on with life.
And all I needed was some fucking bitch who thinks she's so darn pretty walking past a 2lane road taking a fucking 9 seconds, making me stare at her and wait for her to CRAWL her way to the other side of the road. If I had no more reason to live I swear i'd fucking run her over and reverse and Re-RUN her over and do it again and again. BITCH.
Off with the bad stuff, well I hope the couples I know of will remain faithful to each other, be nice, and things should go off fine. And me? I won't die, not if some idiot driver hits me by accident (*Keong Touches His Wooden Table), well even if I did, I know I have a nice MALE nurse by the name of Melvin who'll try his best to save my sorry ass =p. (Right Mel?)
Ahha yeah I'm consoling myself with life, but it is that true, I may have failed in my love life, I just needed to glance further, and I saw all the support I had around me. It was re-assuring, motivational, which also displayed to me that I cannot cling on to support forever. Kinda worried bout my future tennis, where I'd be after I'm gone. I can smell myself leaving TP really soon (Although I've already graduated 3 years ago wahahaha).
Today was spent with JH, wanted to learn tennis, so I taught him, went to TP makan, turn-off, saw the 2 teachers I'd never wanna see, and of course, many couples again, thank god we're in engineering, the least population. Like mervyn says "If u like engineering food, you've got to be very chin-chai with your food"
Den went NTUC with him, got free fish n chips!~ Ok, Just the fish, but still cool. And now I'm just sitting around waiting for 9pm so that I can go to work. Please pray for me that all the valentine dates go somewhere else to eat, get romantic and don't show up at H.I.G.H. I've got enough trouble with stupid boyfriends trying to act smart with the counter-staff(ME) in front of their girlfriends. Such cheapos goddamn shit.
So, who's in charge of entertaining me from 9pm-3am today when I'm working at H.I.G.H? Hope I do have someone to talk to, sure passes the time pretty quickly.
~Keongster~ Bad guys are there so that the good guys can shine. If there's no imbalance, there wouldn't be any "re-balancers" around~
Posted by borny @ 6:02 PM
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Sunday, February 11, 2007
Date: 11 Feb 2007
Time: 1639Hrs
Situation: When I Do Nothing, No One Calls Me, When I'm Busy, It's Just So Otherwise.
The best of last night, supposed to be out eating dinner, ended up got cancelled, I jez sat at home jioing pple until I kinda got lazy myself, so I microwaved my own food. The moment I just finished, Chris called n jio me go pub with Jacky =.=. Best was I only had 5 minutes to prepare.
Threw the spoon into the sink, took a plastic fork, anyhow wear some jeans, shoes etc, and yeah I was out on the busstop looking like an idiot eating microwaved chicken rice. It was kinda weird with everyone starin at you.
Dunno how the situation came by but there was 1 car and 3 drivers, Jacky, chris n me all could drive. Problem was who was gonna sit there n drink coke and drive later. However we did it, we were just "Aiya JAcky turn not to drink, so chris n me drank la, somehow it just got twisted after I downed like 2-3 glasses and he just went "Eh U Minor, So u dun drink, u drive"
And that was where I had my first experience in handling a manual car since the day I passed. Totally forgot everything, but the gear shifting was cool. Told myself I wouldn't stall more than thrice, haha stalled twice. But well, pretty shiok, I drove jon's mercedes last friday, I drive jacky's Suzuki Swift today.
Today was another good example of "Everyone bugs you when you're busy, situation", where I sit around the com minding my own business, no one calls. Play game~ Sjai calls~, Sleep, Mag calls, Wah, no coordination.
I think my work-periods are beginning. It should start like this monday once my working with H.I.G.H takes effect. I really wonder if doing full time is much better or not. Cuz my schedule is darn awkward right now. Maybe full timing would make my work scale look kinda easier.
Think my future's gonna look blurry, I have some feeling neither SMU nor NTU will take me, after that, I really have no idea. Feel like just reapplying and wait one more year, but we all know that'll just suck.
~KeongSterZ~ Maybe it's time to look beyond the norm~
Posted by borny @ 4:38 PM
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Saturday, February 10, 2007
Date: Feb 10 2007
Time: 1543 Hrs
Situation: 3 Days Since I ORD-ed
These days has been feeling totally different from the last few. I was carefree, didn't like planning for the future, didn't have any plans to plan for the future, and etc. =p
Well after ORDing was obviously very different. I changed, accepted reality, and is currently moving on. Valentine's day is coming, and all I can say is H.I.G.H asked me to work =.=, so wtf. Go look at some pretty girls and tell them "Good Evening, how may I help you? How many computers?"
Oh did I say H.I.G.H upped my pay to $5 an hr? Wahaha shag, well that's after-ns pay for you. I'm just probably too nice, he needed help badly, so I decided to do so. They made me suffer agony yesterday, unsatisfied customers yelling at me, shouting at me, and I was like "Hey, one at a time please?" My agony was I still have to say PLEASE. Would have just pounced on him and made him hairless on the head, dick and armpit if it were elsewhere.
Bad things aside, there has been word around of a possibility to start a business. I'm not gonna say much cause it's not even begun, just planning, feasibility, the steps are in place etc, and chances are just pretty low. All I'm gonna say is, it's gonna be interesting if it really starts. For some reason, I'm just that anxious. I mean, I'm talking about starting one with two of my closest friends, both of which has proven that true friendship exists in this world.
The most challenging part if it were to begin, would be bringing this friendship to the next level, whether our friendship will endure past the norm, now that we won't be just involved with each other's problems, but will involve our lifeline as well. It's about the cooperation, it's about finding the common goals, and it's about sharing differences and opening up to resolve them.
To be honest, assuming it would start, I could say right now that I'd give it my all, but who knows, I may not. Knowing myself though, at least I know what's probably gonna be put in so I won't be treating it like a game. I'd take it so seriously I'd probably give myself white hair. But white hair looks cool to me, so there's no issue in that. Maybe I'd just die young, but since I already know the age I'd die, does it really matter? What really matters to me, is the bonding.
Why's bonding so important? I'll tell you why. I never really liked doing things alone. And to me, leading is somewhat doing things alone, unless you see their enthusiasm in respecting your commands. The other side would just be "Forced" kind, and you don't get their agreement in any way, so it'll just seem you're on it alone, just that you have slaves to do some parts for you.
Now what about following? I'm a leader when no one assumes command of a group that needs someone in command badly, and also that they respect me. But most of the time, I play the follower who just gives suggestions =p. I mean, hey, we're all doing it together, stupid officers just bitch and make us do all the work, don't see them joining in at all do they? Being a follower is just so much easier and so much more fun. There's the bonding there, which is probably the only factor that makes me so sociable. The rest of me's just antisocial blood =D.
My resolve? Like I've mentioned before, it's probably accepting any challenges that comes towards me, it's the experience that counts. Of course, winning gets u more exp (Now I judge that through games, u win u get more xp, u lose u get less, but u still get)
~KeongSterZ~ Experience, go figures, it's just that important, how the hell did I take so long to realize it?~
Posted by borny @ 3:43 PM
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Thursday, February 08, 2007
Date: 08 Feb 2007
Time: 0134Hrs
Situation: Nice Lil Enjoyable Day, I guess It could indirectly be called my ORD celebration
Set the alarm at 8:15 only to end up waking up at 10am. Bloody hassle, really no mood to Get to camp to get the remaining signatures and get my pink ic, but I forced myself to do it anyways.
And so I did, seriously, saying bye to my friends was more than just easy. Thinking about the tough times we had together, sure were damn memorable. That's why I say army gives you the most memorable experiences. Suffer together, go through hell together. Damn.
The moment I got my IC, people were like "You don't look too happy." "Yeah man, goddamn tired"And the minute I looked at it, I just thought of the period I handed it over to the SAF. Instantly I thought to myself "Goddamn had to go through hell to get you back buddy."
Went back to store to have a nice final lil talk with my ex-colleagues, well, it's never easy to say goodbye, but it has to happen, but I swear to god we'll meet again. Heard my boss looked pretty down the moment i left camp, well, I could understand why. We've been so close even outside store, go to arcade with the kids, help her with computers etc.
Ahha Dedicate one song to my buddies in the SAF. To be honest, sometimes I do feel that I don't wanna leave, but life has to go on, SAF was my excuse to get away from reality. Now it's probably time to knock myself silly and get up.
你总是说我在这样孤单时候
才会想与你联络
然而谈的情说的爱不够
说来就来 说走就走
怎么会不懂我怎么会不知道
女人的心是脆弱
寂寞不是我不能够忍受
只是每一天
我想你太多
其实不想走 其实我想留 <--------- Probably the only line that should go to my SAF buds =D
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我 再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起渡过
Wanna hear me sing this song? Go KTV then say la~
Rest of the day was spent learning how to cook from chef weiling again, I guess it was pretty good an experience, apart from the F U C K I N G onions once again, they were just so much more lethal today and made me cry dammit. She was just much more cruel too, having me decide for myself half the fricking time. Thank god I was a soldier~
Special thanks to Bro Merv for daring to eat it, he actually said it was good!~ Wooha +10pts for myself.
On the night the guys went to H.I.G.H on the pretext of celebrating my ORD, to me, well, it was good enough that they bothered to hang out, so let's just say, I was a happy man. Dota anyone? =D
And time for a lil bit of reality, those of you who actually read JH's blog, I would humbly admit that the "Tom" jackass, would actually just be referring to me.
I don't lie, I hate to lie, and whatever. Even my fortune book says I don't really care bout the consequences so long as I do not betray my own conscience.
It's been months actually, since I already thought that my running away from reality wouldn't last much longer. Every apparent year the questions get stronger, the thoughts get wilder, and the doubts will surely come. It's not just about Keong and his psychology. It's not just about Keong and his gaming, It's not just about Keong and what he wants to do with his life.
It's about when dear Keong would look at reality and face it. Keong's historocal experiences wtih girls was never a fruitful one. Mainly cause of his mouth. He did nothing to change it, all he told himself was "No point concealing the dark side to others, I'm just too lazy to hide it forever."
Friends? They were there, not many liking me, the usually remaining ones, are those who would probably know me well. Keong, nothing good can come out of his mouth, full of criticisms. Act like can't be bothered with life. Inside, very sensitive, emotional, caring, and would throw his life away for others. Noble? No, just finding a good excuse to die. That might have changed, you never know. Fear over favour, I think so too.
I kept to myself away from girls since the first base case at 14 till 17, met christine at TP, where she changed my view of them. At 18, I met Leong JH, my buddy up till present time, and he changed my presentation towards people. At 20, I hang around often with Sjaiful, Buddy till present time, we had our disagreements but his contributions to me were unforgettable as well.
Keong of present time 21. Still vulgur, still lazy. More openminded, more optimistic towards praise, able to look presentable now, and looking the world in a new point of view.
Giving myself a great push these days, off the comfort zone. It's now the work society, playtime is kinda, over. Dug up people's resumes to form my own one, reading newspapers and classifieds (Amazing), even running around looking for degrees to study.
Probably the same for my love life, I went to JH for a simple reason. I've always known that I've been missing that part of my life, I never wanted to face it. It's the type of wanting the best of both worlds, wanting love, but refusing to commit, which is impossible lest you have a girl throwing herself at you (I haven't seen that in reality except in TV shows). And for me, it's time to pursue what I've known myself to be without for so long, Love.
It was damn dumb considering the fact that I never did say anything to Pam despite my 3 years of non-stop falling in love with her. And even stupider that the only 2 relationships I had in my life were the other party professing to me rather than the other way round. To put it bluntly, My balls were pretty much goddamn small.
I made my move, under much consideration, last night. It was hell to me, that was the first of my life, and the first of a feeling that I've never felt for what seemed like an eternity. Needed to muster the courage, so I just employed my usual "Do first Regret Later" Strategy. As hell I did regret. Even though I say so myself, It was a really bad move. The most I could tell myself was "What the hell am i doing?" I couldn't say anything else to myself, but I did know what the next step was. To Move on.
~KeongSterZ~ Love Cannot Be Analyzed, It Can Only Be Felt~
~Keong Has Just Levelled up Tacticality Skill To Level 2~
Posted by borny @ 1:33 AM
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Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Date: 6th February 2007
Time: 0232 Hrs (Yeah it's early in the morning)
Situation: Finished a nice lil movie, Coach Carter.
Yes people, one more day left for me to see my pink IC once again. So you ask me on the day I ORD, what has army taught you? I'll tell you son, experience that you probably couldn't get anywhere else.
1)Be responsible for yourself, you don't know how to get things done, you'd better. We don't care how you do it, just get it done. Consequences if you don't? Well everyone else dies with you.
Case Study: Keong was always the Mr.Idunno, didn't know how to tie bootlaces, not so great with handiwork, couldn't do lotsa stuff. Well my buddy suffered in my place. Had to do 2 man job. My resolve? Stop being a nuisance and force myself to learn quickly, and yes, I practice man. I fold my fricking smart 4 damn nicely during my fricking admin time.
2) Be tolerant, take it all in. You're gonna have a mass variation of people, including arrogance, ignorance, and plain stupidity. But know this and only this, who's gonna be out there fighting with you?
Case study: You know stupid dumbasses out there who can't listen to simple instructions, even better, stupidly arguing with the sergeants knowing they'll get nowhere. And then you have the cocky bastards who wanna command the whole company, where everyone knows he's just a pain in the ass. Well guess what. Here's the deal, they fuck up, you fuck up. They get punished, sorry dude, you're going down with them. And why's that? Simple, as much as you don't like it, these guys will be fighting alongside you, so u better learn to take their bad points, as they do with yours.
3)Be Quick and Efficient
If you were like me, you'd really hate this. Worst combination. How ya expect me to be precise and do it quickly? If i do fast, of course I'll fuck up, If i wanna do it well, gotta do it slowly right? Reality as it is, better get that shit off your head. The deal with life, the whole world ain't waiting for you, and you fuck up, you'll likely be well dead, or get someone else dead.
Case study: We're always pushed to do things quick, fall in quick n efficient, area cleaning better be spick n span and also not much time, even the fricking taping our SBOs and fieldpacks. Well issue is, ain't got much time, and if not done well, it'll give you bigtime trouble in the future, so well, get it over n done with, however you do it, they don't care. Do it in your own time then.
4)It's all about the teamwork
Yeah nothing would go without the teamwork, you could get away with doing things on your own, like "fucking dumbass just slowing me down", well try that on the battlefield, you'd be praying to god for help. Teamwork, brotherhood. They're everywhere, we're all in this shit together, we're probably gonna defend the country together or die trying.
Case Study: Might be a lil weird for me to say this, but I normally do my stuff in signal store alone, cause I myself know that I need to know everything that's happening with my store. Well i screwed up on that, could have just lightened my load a lil and still keep myself updated. Well anyways, I really don't mind saying this, cause I think it's actually true, but the people who really talk brotherhood and working together, they're the smokers.
Easy enough to justify, they gotta earn their smoke breaks, gotta do it together, gotta work together, and they smoke together to talk cock. The rest of us? Well we'll just hang around and find anyone to talk to, or wait for someone to talk to us and find something in common, or just stay in a comfort zone. It's human to wanna stay comfortable and despise externally, I used to hate my whole platoon except for my section. Time passed, I hated my company now except my platoon, and towards the end, ahha, i hated all other companies except my own. See how the flow goes?
Smokers have it easier, already they have to work together to smoke together. They earn their prize together. I suppose that's where their brotherhood comes in.
5)Reality Training
Now we're talking about training for the real world. Yeah army stuff is shit, we're being paid shit to do shit work. There's one thing you gotta know though. We're doing work that's like work we'll be allocated in the outside world, cept for one main difference. You fuck up in the real world, you lose capital for your company, you either cover your ass, or face the cuttlefish(You're FIRED). In the army, you fuck up, u do it again (EXTRAS). Fuck up more, do more, until you do it right.
Case Study: I'm no logistics man, but through my store for a year and half, I could say I'm so ready to do a logistics job. My store's totally identical to logistics, and I could so remember how much repetitive work I had to do till I was just so ready to set the whole store on fire. Somehow, I got it done anyway.(Not set the store on fire of course)
6) First-Hand Experience With True Faces Of The World
Face it dudes. This world isn't about "The good get what they deserve", It's about how ruthless and cunning you can get. A wise man can make his life easy in the army and get away with it while someone else takes the shit. We talk about brotherhood when it comes to the good stuffs. When the bad stuffs come, the game of hide n seek begins, cept that the seekers would be too busy taking the shit.
Case Study: I'd call myself Gullible, I seriously thought that whatever shit my IC left behind for me, I'd just do my job properly and clean up. Never once I had the idea of dragging the shit on to my next understudy. My IC simply MC-ed his way through tough days without any guilt or shame, but I couldn't. I'd feel goddamn guilty, I felt it was my job, and that up till now, I still think that way. That's gullible, but that's Keong. Soon after though, lack of consistency for a short period would simply fuck it all up again. So I guess I've finally hardened up enough to just leave it myself.
7)Housework, anyone?
One thing army definetely gave me was something I doubt anywhere else would have, the combination of Cleaniness + Space management. We always hear this word, SQUEEZE!~!~!~ That's what it is. My room actually feels so clean and tidy now, even though it's fricking small. Well, thank you army =.= I've actually squeezed much shit around ahha.
Case Study: I went into army knowing nothing of housework, all I probably knew was how to wipe tables and vacuum floors. Now I know how to fold my clothes, arrange them nicely, and best of all, wash the fricking toilets.
8) Self-dependance
Some people should know this. "Sergeant, I left my Torch at home, how?". Answer "I dun care how you do it, go and beg, steal, borrow. You go and sort it out yourself". Best way to train someone to be self-dependant, leave you to strand for yourself. Happens often. Sometimes your boss also refuse to help you, you also suck thumb and try to settle yourself. So you thought your life was bad. Come into army and you'll find out what "Personal troubleshooting" is all about.
Case Study: Many such incidents where my store has had disagreements, things going missing, people forgetting to sign vouchers. And well, seriously, our boss didn't really care how we did it, so long as it's done, so sometimes I had to really call up people like crazy, ask around till I got to who I needed and try to psycho him to get back to store so that I could re-deal with him and sort things out. Those days were hell, had to tolerate screaming and bitching from every corner.
Well i suppose those are the key points anyone would experience in the army. I had to say this too, recently a guy came into signal store, name was like, uh, Wayne Seet Chee Liang (his full name). Perfect example of a smart guy, or maybe he's really a pussy, we don't know.
He was diagonised with anxiety, so assuming he gets anxious easily, we had to prevent that from happening lest he gets a heartattack or something like that. So what causes anxiety? Rushing, making him nervous, etc.
So I kinda made sure I gave him work which was really idiot-proof and had no time limit. He could stop at his liberty. Tough luck for him, stapling pieces of paper together was STRESSFUL work to him, he didn't show up for the next 4 weeks, taking MC in combinations of 2-3 days under his dear psyciatrist, and is seeking to downgrade to clerk, where he'll just end up doing more stapling.
Really don't know what these kind of people think, but well, no matter how I look at it, they're pretty smart. I mean, they'll just cheat their 2 years of service like that, and just beg for a nice testimonial, beg some offs and leaves and cheat mcs, and they'll get out of army just fine, in fact they'll look as efficient as people like me who slogged my ass off so hard. That's reality for you my friends.
Least I know I've done my part, I've left no regrets, and even though my boss still bitches about me (She bitches about everybody), I know I'm a done deal. ORD? It's time to step into the real world, can't afford any more mistakes dudes. It's the real thing~ Not an army training ground.
~Keongsterz~ Just living life is tough. Never know what to expect~
Posted by borny @ 2:32 AM
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Sunday, February 04, 2007
Date: 4th February 2007
Time: 1714 hrs
Situation: SI BUAY SIAN AH
4th February is here, ORD is coming in 3 days time, whatever I should have done, more or less are in place. Applied for NTU already, SMU still pending, but I'll likely receive the results like 3-5 months later. Dunno how the hell I overlooked it, but damn, I have 3-5 months and I've not bothered to search for a full time job.
They always say that we'll run into obstacles every part of my life, and the ones I'm running into are really dumb. Like what the FIAK!~? I've not applied for any full time job before, and it seems I do not have a resume to begin with. Even looking at work experience, oh my gosh~ It's just so miserable.
Let's just see how I'll pull through this one. I'm pretty curious to find out what stunts I'll pull this time round.
Last night I had a weird dream. It was simple, yet scary. I slept at 9pm, which was like, wow so early. The dream was kinda, looking at my own future. Earlier one the same day my mum passed me my personal predictory book (Something like the book that tells my life that i'd forever remember costed me $888). I kinda opened it and read a few, too bad the chinese was broken-like and I couldn't understand shit.
Anyways on to the dream, I was just kinda dreamin bout my own future, don't ask me why, but somehow I dreamt of the world in chaos (TOO MUCH GAMING), and I was a survivor cum runner (Always on the run to prevent myself from dying from some stupid army killing innocent civilians LOL).
Well the important part was I wokeup damn shagged (9 hours sleep at that time), and still wanted to sleep more, but had to force myself outta bed cause of coaching. Well, I showered and I packed and I walked out of home at 7am, and I saw something I've never seen before.
It was the sky, It was covered in dark clouds, the road lights were still on and somehow the area around was orange too (It was like somehow the sun was setting). The roads were empty as well(WTF?) Well seriously the scene looked like Armageddon, I was like "Am I In Hell?" I seriously thought I was dead. Not until I saw the rubbish collector downstairs cleaning up.
Was thinking maybe I fell off my bed n hit something so hard I just somehow died, but I guess I didn't after all =p.
~Keongster~ Life Is Such A Hassle, Just When Ya Think Ya Had It All Planned, It Screws Up~
Posted by borny @ 5:14 PM
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