Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Date: 31st January 2007
Time: 2027Hrs
Situation: Gotta be quick and decisive to plan the next road to walk onto.
All that's left is one more week to my ORD, also meaning that my another path will come to an end, and I will walk onto another crossroad where i will have to choose my next route, or just sit down there and idle.
To be honest though, with overseas strictly cut off, my choices seem to be limited. 5 more days before James cook university closes their application, I've still not confirmed SIM, but it seems that they do not emphasize in psychology, and NTU seems to have that, so my next step would be probably to research into NTU.
Everyone's asked me about why I'm into psychology. The more I think about it, really, I have no answer. I really wanna understand the mind, and somehow, I know psychology will lead me to an opening, one that will open my true colors to myself, but more importantly, open the mysteries to the people all around me. It's always the actions and decisions made that baffles me, why some people can never seem to see the way others look, how people perceives what they see, etc.
I've taken a pretty deep look into a pretty huge bookstore at wheelock place the previous day, think it was called MPH bookstore or something. Taking a look around the books actually showed a few interesting stuffs, especially on the psychological side, and also the management side. Why have I taken an interest in management side you ask? Well it just interests me in the issue of the art of deceptivity and cunning thinking of people that has made many supposedly-successful-people fall to the ruthless, intelligent people of the world.
The 48 laws of power, a book I initially mentioned that briefly describes 48 different laws that will bring a person to power, most of them bringing ideas towards benefitting from the spoils of others. All examples clearly showed that the world looks from the outside and only a very small certain number knows the truth. It makes me curious to wonder how these stories came by in the first place. I remembered there was a story of a famous person that most people would know of who invented something, I think it was electricity. But the story stated that the well known person wasn't the inventer, but the one who stole the invention and posed it off as his own successfully. Somehow I only remember the name of the person whose invention was stolen, Nicola Tesla or something like that.
More books i actually took a quick browse about, showed people who rose politically to power without much from the start, basically also reaping the spoils from other people. One thing was sure in my head. The people right at the top, apart from a few unique individuals, schemed their way to the top, most likely unclean and tainted, only probably no one would know of.
What's more curious to me is to why there is no one who actually thought of a countermeasure against such people, probably I haven't searched far enough, or no one feels like breaking that source of power to quickly rise in the ranks. If u ask me though, it's really tough to discover a schemer, much less talk about counter-attacking.
What the 48 laws of power has done for me was one thing, giving me awareness that I had already fallen into one of the power traps, and that I cannot act rashly, because most of my moves would spell bigtime trouble for me. To be honest though, it doesn't help at all, cause I'll still make the wrong move and live to regret it sometime later. And then somehow I'll just fall into the same trap over and over.
These pointed noted, there's a high probability that what made me want to study psychology so much was to actually hope to understand their thinking better and hopefully spot an opening to virtually thwart the laws of power from happening around me. I'd assume there were more than the 48 ways listed in there, but knowing myself, that's probably what I've been set out to do all this while, make my life worthwhile.
~Keongster~ I'm No Hero, I'm just Tired Of being the victim
Posted by borny @ 8:27 PM
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Friday, January 26, 2007
Date: January 26th 2007
Time: 1706HRs
Situation: 2 weeks to ORD, 1 working day left
The choices have been cut and zeroed into studying psychology, and all that's left is where to actually take the damn thing.
James Cook University --- Can go in as long as u have a frickin diploma
Duration: 3 years
Cost: $50000 honours included
end Date for application: 5th Feb 2007
Well that was like what I found out today. Took a MRT there with Lynda and talked to her about the school, her school. Then took bus 14 home, 1hour 30minutes =.= Damn Pain in the ass. But if I do go to JCU, I could so see bus 14 as my next best friend. Goes past so many goddamn places. River valley, town, kallang, siglap, blk 85. Goddamn
Today also marks the day where another keyhole to my inner-self has been unlocked. Well, first time I felt the feeling of being hit in the bullseye, which was pretty much like a "Eh? How the hell did u know? Why didn't I realize it myself" Situation. It was pretty cool and at the same time a pretty anxious situation.
And there it goes, I thought about it, and it all makes sense. I found out the inside reason to why I'm so enthusiastic about psychology. Of course it is to understand humans and the human mind, but more importantly, it is to understand my own thinking and why I am thinking like that. As much as i'd refuse to admit it, Lynda probably was right, I've been suffering from depression for as long as I've been living.
Maybe a more minor role on the depression part due to the fact that I do not really show it out nor actually know it myself, it might actually be just passive. But I do know the fact that I'm just hanging around aimlessly waiting to die.
Judging from that point, maybe I haven't really found my role in life, and if I am really suffering from depression, how could I not know after suffering for that long? And like, when did it begin? One question answered, many more arises. As the book of life says, You'll never live long enough to understand everything.
So I suppose, the next main quest for me, is to realize (Assuming I already know but do not remember) the core of the whole thing. Just makes me want to go through psychology even more. Maybe my mum was right, maybe I do need a psyciatrist, and that was when i was 14 =.= 7 years ago man.
~ No answers, only questions, who can answer me? I believe It's only me~
~KeongsterZ --------- At least i have a goal in life, and a huge goal, to discover myself~
Posted by borny @ 5:05 PM
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Date: January 16th 2007
Time: 2355 Hrs
Situation: 4 Working Days Left?
They say that people who have simplistic thinking live the most ordinary lives. I am 22 this year, and when I think back, kindergarten was a period of direct war, If i don't like this guy, I'll just shout at him and may even fight with him.
Primary school was then the "He touch me first" Era. You beat me, I beat u back, u beat me again, i beat back, and so on, and whoever gets hit last will go "NOT FAIR!!!"
Sec school would probably be the change, with the "I'm cool" era going on, you see the distinct ahbengs, the studious people, and the conflicts happening around. This time more delicately, first verbally and tactically scheming to spread rumours to get bad impressions out of each other, secondary school consists mainly of talking about people. It is also, the most hostile period, Think twice? No, he whack me, The brain overwrites all reason and only emits a Red output "Whack the motherfucker till he lies on the floor"
Poly displayed the clear-cutness of the "Grouping" system. People forming groups, mingling among their societies, and of course, talking bad about other groups, assuming theirs is always the best. It has happened in all 3 years, except for the final year, where I guess everyone found out their similarities.
Then came the army, where we learnt about ranks, the abusing of ranking, importance of connection, and groups still exist. There people learnt the right time to run away, or maybe just do it and get it over and done with. Probably the best display of reality. The art of dissapearance, popping out excuses, and extremely cautious sweet-talking/bootlicking to get trouble off your ass.
Right now i'm probably feeling the most mentally exhausted. The world around, is all about playing a bunch of mind games. It's all about strategizing and tactically twisting information around to totally push suspicion off yourself. Can't live life the normal way and just be direct. Gotta be complicated, gotta think it through. And honestly, If I had stupidity, I'd not have these problems.. Can't believe that i'm actually envious of the really gullible and stupid people. They're silly, and they get laughed at, but at least they're simple, and they think simple.
~KeongSterZ~ Just Another Challenge? Or Maybe, The Test~
Posted by borny @ 11:55 PM
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Date: 16Th January 2007
Time: 0215Hrs (It's the morning)
Situation: Starting to clear leave, This week having 3 days off.
Watched a nice lil movie today, Rob B hood, that actually just made me keep laughing. Damn funny shit. Well, with a damn cute lil baby too. I think it's good I finally see Jacky Chan NOT Doing One-Man-Show Business. Always good to see a lil tag-teamin here and there.
Well, something different from what you normally can think of me doing, I went to get my ears cleaned today, size of dirt that came out was like Holy Shit!~ Can't imagine seeing that size of dirt in my ears, and the dirt was black =.=, even though I think it was just blood. And my dear cousin was displaying his work-commitment being a teacher, marking students' assessment books at 9pm, Holy Shit!~ Working up till 9pm!~? Noooooooooooo
~KeongSterZ~ It's Not Just Me, I'm just a lil dumb, but my brain's still at 100% efficiency~
Posted by borny @ 2:15 AM
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Sunday, January 14, 2007
Date: 14th January 2007
Time: 2346 Hrs (My Timing all somewhere there)
Situation: ORD In 24 Days, Exactly 5 Working Days Left, TOMORROW, zzzZZz
The Keong that has always been happily hiding in his comfort zone, coming out of it once in awhile after a little confrontation by his dear friends. And in came the vow from Keong that he'd take up any challenge that comes up to him. So far so good, Or so it seems, an on comes the new challenge that brings up a whole new lot of mystery and question.
So my next challenge brings me towards behavior in meeting. Dressing to look like it, actually having fricking table manners, behaving in a fucking meeting, and looking like a nice little mannerful chap throughout the entire 2 hours (No fidgeting, no leg shaking, no slouching). Doesn't that all just sound like things which I just can't accomplish? Hell, that was so damn right, so question is, Am I up to that challenge?
My answer? First time so fast can succeed meh, never practice at all. Siao lar~~~
Anyways, past few days I've been having a nice little movie marathon, Movies I watched included Sex Is Zero, Ocean's Eleven, Ocean's Twelve, High School Musical (Sjai said High school musical was a Chix Flick, basically means only girls watch that kind of show), Well Sorry for being a sissy then. I did regret watching High school musical tho, damn main actress is just an 18 year old girl who's so bloody sweet looking and can sing so bloody well, goddamn wish she was my fricking girlfriend. Gawd I'm in love with the wrong shit again~
Annnnyways, fantasies aside, so much new encounters and situations have aroused my interest, especially with people. Always kills me to wonder what they're thinking, which just makes me so wanting to study psychology. Ever felt if I could read anyone's mind by their behavior that'd be damn freaky? I did think about it, so I thought that psychology probably just helped to understand humankind a lil better but not totally. I could be a fortune teller =D.
So the next new year's coming too, more $, more agony, one year older? And the path of selection. No escaping reality, ARE YOU READY!~ Or Rather, AM I READY!~ Only Time Will Tell~ ~ ~
To Be Continued. . . . . . .
~KeongSterZ~ I May Be Girly Inside, But I'll Still Beat The Living Shit Outta You If You Deserve It =)~
Posted by borny @ 11:45 PM
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
Date: January 11th 2007
Time: 2311 Hrs
Situation: I figured something out(About Time You Did Bloody Asshole!)
When you're ORDing, it actually feels like your time is passing by goddamn slowly. That's only natural when you're expecting something to come by very quickly. My ORD date sure isn't, I think i managed to pop out 8 days of off from master, so starting next week, I'll be clearing everyday from thursday onwards except on wednesdays till my ORD.
Anyway, a series of long considerations for my future plans. Took me long enough, but it seems I have no doubts now. Special thanks to, The book of Life. It didn't teach me anything about life and the path I should choose. It just built up my interest in humanity, human behavior and their thoughts. So for those who still don't know my decision, I've decided to move on to studying psychology.
Being a teacher was cool and all, teaching kids, something I'd love to do, even though I've already pretty much the bad reputation that I hate them. Probably just can't tolerate their "I Don't Know When To Stop" Shit. Like someone I know would say "There's a Limit to My Tolerance Okay". Let's just say, I'm more interested in studying psychology at this point of time.
So I've been hanging around playing mind games with myself, today I felt confident, It was like nothing could destroy my mood, even being alone. Because somehow I knew, I wasn't. Everyone was on my side, for a reason.
What my reality told me was, I was ready to take on the world. I was confident in taking up everything thrown at me. I was confident to deal with old scars where people would look at me as the cowardly bastard who had no balls to get things done in the past. I felt that no one could tell me that I was wrong, but I know my mindset still needs a lil tweaking. Which is probably still why I gotta thank my buddies. Or rather, buddy =.=
The most successful people think not of the wonderous past he had, not of the huge future that he has planned, but who is continuously surviving on the present with his own views of success.
~Keongster~ Taken From the Rulse Of Life~
Posted by borny @ 10:53 PM
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Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Date: January the 9th 2007
Time: 2327Hrs
Situation: Ph3y Day!
Alright, The New Year has passed on for nine days now, and I have come up with a summary of stupid things that goddamn did not happen while I was around. . .
1: New OC comes in, new events spring out, so much more off, And I'm NOT INVOLVED.
2: LAB Promises More Off, But I'm out Of LAB, Goddamnit!
And There goes another list of things that totally differs from other ORD personnel. . . .
1: I Am Still Working Like A DAWG!
2: Stupid Manpower shortage's driving me nuts
3: Master's Not Getting Me My OFF!~!~!~
4: I Want My Off!~!~
And there goes more thinking of what I have planned in my life to do after I ORD, I do know that money's a big issue for me, and this "choice" I have to make has got my buddies around me unhappy. Shows me one thing, maybe it's not just the right choice yet until I really do my homework on this.
Anyway plans are up, mum's gonna take me up for house makeover from 7th feb to chinese new year, and I have a whole load of plans coming up too~~
Keong's Year 2007 Resolve. . . .
1: Decide On A Fucking Path Already
2: Learn Cycling Without Onlookers (Fuck Off, I'll Ram You With My Car)
3: Learn Cooking (I got my coach planned)
4: Live Confidently (More KTVs, More work that requires interaction)
5: Play Volleyball, Handball, Rugby, Floorball, Basketball, Football, Whatever~
6: Paintball Anyone? (Need Location, Need Big GANG!)
7: Not Done Visiting all the local attractions
8: Drinking anyone? Too long no drink
9: Be happy with myself.
People who have known me always know of my oversensitivity, and up till now, I must say it has created trouble for me but also worked wonders for me in predictions that no one else could. As a result, there you have Keong, the analyst of humankind, and u know, I don't think I discover these things, I just re-state the terms from others who probably discovered it much earlier than I did.
Once upon a time, in an island every guy probably dreaded, there lived a man, for 2 months. That place was called, TEKONG. (Cutting the crap . . . . . . . . )
So there was a talk on nation defending, this crab ranked guy (major) talked about it. He was a very good speaker, one you would say would do extremely well in insurance or politics. He mentioned something of great importance. It's the word "Extremists"
Extremists, people who go to the extreme to do what they believe is right. Examples would relate to christians who are extremely devoted to god, me who's extremely addicted to games, my buddy, who's an extremist in getting his point into anybody's head, and even terrorists, willing to resort to suicide for what they believe would change the world into their ideal world. Osama? Saddam? Extremists of all kind.
Okay, point has been taken, so what of it? Good or bad? We don't know, and we don't have a right to comment. But if u ask me, taking another person's life as and when u want it, that's fucked up.
Extremity, people who go to all means to get what they want, reaching out for their goals wholeheartedly. These are people who either gets idolized heavily, or hated to the core.
My point? Everyone has an extremity of some kind, whether it affects those around them or is as passive as just studying non-stop at home, do not hate them for what they are. They are humans, we are humans, extremity spans one of our biggest differences towards each other. You don't have to agree, just accept their thoughts and let them live with it.
Recently my life has felt so. . . Fake. It's like I'm dreaming, even when I'm driving, I'm driving without looking at the road, just subconsiously getting to my destination, changing lanes, doing turns without thinking. I'm feeling my utmost light-headedness, and really, dunno what's going on. Life has never felt so . . . relaxed before.
~Keongster~ Is my very existence even real? I Guess I'm Probably watching too much anime.
Posted by borny @ 11:26 PM
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Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Date: 2nd January 2007
Time: 0055Hrs
Situation: Hmmmm, 36 Days More, ORD is Here!~
Well time has gone by, now is the year 2007, one more year to my next death. Well anyway, spent most of the time these days watching death note, anime style. Don't know what the movie's like, heard it was 2 hours, but the anime, 12 episodes of 20 minutes, still not finished. Wahpiang. I think the anime's more descriptive, I won't say longwinded, cause It's really not repetitive, it's cool deductions as well.
Scheduled for work later in the morning, it's stupid recalling me back again to do stupid things, but what the hell. I guess it's only to be expected. Hope I can snatch one more off day to go to ikea again.
Really wonder why I'm looking forward to my ORD, really makes me wonder what my next move in life would be. And really wonder if I should be spending time worrying about all this shit. One thing's for sure though, I can drag for as long as my excuses last, but sooner or later, the decision has to be made.
And I'm really losing all my supper kakis man, damned people all have the army, work, gotta have early nights. Sheesh~ Better get some food reserves going on or get my owl life out of here.
Chinese new year's coming too, the worst occasion to ever show up. Putting aside the fact that we get loads of money, It's back to the yearly questionaire again!~
Relatives' Every-Year-They-Say-The-Same-Shit Junk
1: Aiyo, Boy ah, So long never see you already leh, Wah you tall already leh(Bull, I haven't grown any taller for the past 5 years)
2: Wah now so macho ah, must be working out alot ah (Last i remembered I could do 5 pullups and i'm down to 3)
3: Wah boy ah you growing handsome by the day leh (Why can't anyone be frickin honest? Had to let me realize I looked like A Dog with long hair when i saw Richie Ong)
4: Wah boy very mature liao ah, I see growing older has been a good thing for you (While I was playing with my PS2 and didn't want to entertain them)
And There goes Part 2~
Relatives Every-Year-Its-The-Same-Boring IRRITATING questions~
1: So how is your army? Shiong anot?
2: So what u going to do when u ORD~ Study Or Work?
3: So how? Got girlfriend already anot? When to plan to get married?
4: What your future ambitions in life?
Bloody wayang bastards, can't believe i have to answer those questions every year and at least 10 times a day on that particular festive of a year. If i had a choice between NOT answering those questions and receiving redpackets, hell Not answering is priceless to me, even better if I don't have to see their faces.
Which brings me to remember last friday when I actually bothered to organize a family outing. Sure turned out well. Mum bitched at dad, dad bitched back, both black face. Go out, mum scream at brother, brother just shout back, mum unhappy. Brother declare unhappy, leaves the group, goes to ikea, whole family split up. Mum vanishes in the night, did not answer all our calls, but came back soon after at 2am.
Next day, mum bitches the same thing to dad, and kept hinting bout brother not apologizing, brother still adamant and doesn't apologize.
My view? Seriously everyone in my family's a screwup. Well ok, I'm a screwup too, least I don't bother to try. I'm stubborn, yeah, whole family's stubborn too. Can't believe my mum, Ultra Pride, Ultra Petty. I can't believe she really can't lose. She was openly in the wrong, and she can do all sorts of stupid things just to get us worried n make us feel bad, and still demand an apology the next day. What The Hell? Thank god my brother did NOT apologize.
And my dad? Ultra insistant, that's the only thing I can't take. Forcing things his way unless I relate the message clearly that I do not WANT things his way, and he'll take that as rudely shouting. Not replying seems to be an offence to him too. He gotta realize he's not making the family any better anyway.
Brother? Shall not go into details with him, I've bitched every detail about him a long time ago, and now we're on talking terms, whatever i'll bitch about him, is probably the same~ can go check back for the interested party (Like anyone would be)
I ought to keep a notebook somewhere with me everytime i go out with my family, could write alotta things which they do, which is incredibly. . . . .incredible.
~KeongSterZ~ A Life that gets sadder n sadder~ What A Sad Life~
Posted by borny @ 12:53 AM
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