Monday, November 13, 2006
Date: 13Th November 2006
Time: 0019Hrs
Situation: Camp Again, Haiii, Sian Ah, why Ah ~_~
Payday has arrived for army personnel, finally have some money to spend. 2nd Week at work opened up much more thoughts of my life, and there we go again, Keong is back to his usual think-till-siao case.
Being busy even with the late nights, I have realized that I am actually not as strong as I think myself to be, the late night gamer no longer has that power, and he basically goes home a zombie after a day of torment. One thing for sure though, being there has taught me how to drive in extremely sleepy mode. I've become pretty good at it.
And as they say, reality is not as sweet as what you think it to be. Well, yeah, being there has taught me many things, I can stand much longer than I used to be able to, had to handle so much stress during the peak hours, and had to stay calm under any situations. Problem with me, I believe, Is I do not like to keep people waiting. Normally I'd try to clear the crowd fast. Yes I have the speed, but I doubt I have the consistency. Things have been getting worse and worse with my accountin, and it seems, the more crowded it is, the worse my accountin gets.
Somehow, working with relation might not happen to be such a good idea afterall, because with relationships, I don't experience much "Reality's medicine", the tekan part was there, but I do believe, if things go on like that, I might experience the feeling of getting fired for the first time. Somehow it doesn't bother me, because what I realized after working was that, I'm not as free as I think myself to be.
Most of the part timers there work on a weekly basis, pretty much a standard. The moment I started with them, I had to stop first due to stocktake, then a week of work, then stop again due to SATS, and another week of work, and it seems I have to stop again for the PTRS. Thinking closely, I'm not as free as the rest of the part timers, and yes, they spend most of their time at the place.
Whenever these guys end work, they'll start playing there till pretty darn late, which is something I could not dream of doing currently. I have my PTRs to concentrate on soon, and when I think further into my timetable, I actually have inter-clubs to deal with, tennis commitment, days where I wanna go out with friends, study-related and so on.
Sometimes I wonder, is it a good thing or bad thing in the first place. It actually felt good because I could actually sleep well now, especially after work, too shag to think of dumb shit, so that deals with my insomnia. And it would also means I would go back into my usual life of having time to slack around now. Furthermore the feeling might just be bittersweet for me. I mean, to face reality that I'm maybe not so good with that kinda job.
Nevertheless, I just felt my future waning, my current paths seemed to have been closed off for maintenance, and whether these roads will open up once again, would depend on how good I repair it. Or I'd just be seeking out other paths to take. It just seems so true that the younger sibling probably has a certain level of carefreeness and experimental mind, which, to sound bad, means being irresponsible =.= Maybe I should just decide my path once and for all.
ORD date is really closing in, with 3 months left, I really want to end it fast, and dunno what to do even after ending it =.= Maybe I should take a break first, or search for a perm job. Maybe I should just stop using maybes and start doing something.....for real =.=
~KeongSterZ~ Turning Point In Life, Unable To Handle~
Posted by borny @ 12:25 AM
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Sunday, November 05, 2006
Date: November 05 2006
Time: 2100Hrs
Situation: A Lil bit of recounting, a lil bit of reminiscing, and a lil bit of thinking back
Chapter 1: End of the SATS, end of my SMU future plans =p.
SATS has ended as of yesterday, november. Through information from what everyone told me about SATs, here's my very own 2 cents regarding that paper that turned out so different from everyone.
The damned paper started around 8am and ended like 12.20pm in the afternoon, that's like 4hours and 20minutes. 10 sections in total, seems 1st section's an essay and the remaining 9 interchanges between english and mathematics, while the last 2 sections have a much shorter period of time.
This was me doing the paper, 1st 2 sections I was still pretty confident and focused, next 4 sections I was shading my way through brainlessly without focusing and spending the rest of my time resting instead of checking, last 4 sections, I just couldn't wait to go home =.=
Well heckz, it was really tough, and it's over, I don't know what the outcome would be, but go figures, it seems I might have to face reality and forget about SMU, NIE might still be close, but beyond that matter, I guess I'd be looking into SIM pretty soon for my future.
Chapter 2: Lan gaming at H.I.G.H
Yesterday I grabbed a few of the tennis team peepz to go down my workplace n LAN, lots of fun it was, but expensive as well, guess it was worth the expense over a long time, had a pretty good time along with constructive comments from them about the workplace, let's see if the feedback would be feasible for corrective techniques anyway.
Supper was cool as well, having a whole piece of chicken among 6 people, Wen can really eat, fierce man, he was.
Chapter 3: Back to deep consideration mode
After a week of thinking through what JH told me since last sunday, I kinda got hold of what he was trying to say of me, the 2 Lethal words "Anything Lor" Is Not good to say at all, now that I think about it. It opens up mixed feelings of "He said ok, so it should be fine" combined with "Does he fucking want to go at all anot?" making an equation of "Donno what he's thinking", resulting in "Nabei, can gimme better answer anot?"
Cool translation, no matter how I look at it =D, but well, that's about it. And it seems I've been bored at home lately, yet realizing that I actually do not have so much time to get bored with, I figured I probably get bored almost too easily and instantaneously, which is just plain dumb.
Here's something for you readers to think about as well, It was the SAT's essay that I got for the day. Topic listed "Do success and happiness depend solely on the person to achieve? Are there always factors beyond your control?" Or something like that, not that I'm good at memorizing anyway.
Brings me back to lots of thought, but those were things of the past. What the SATS made me realize is that I think deeply about things that I always want to think of or just happens to occur around me, and not the world as a whole, there's still so much information that I've not considered and thought about.
Chapter 4: Prince of Tennis =DDDD
Never knew they made a movie on it, with real life characters. Bro sent it to me n I watched it, ahha cool shit. Could actually see how the "ridiculous" ball techniques move in reality. Like "WTF" sia.
~Keongsterz~ Bleah~
Posted by borny @ 9:11 PM
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Thursday, November 02, 2006
Date: 02 November 2006
Time: 0350Hrs
Situation: Study SATs until really damn sian, Seriously have no idea why their english is so damn tough.
On leave for the next 3 days and off on monday, so supposedly my long weekend has begun and will end on the next coming monday. Sats paper is on saturday morning, which is 3 days more to go, and I'd say all i've learnt is probably having a clear idea what to expect during the paper, the format, how the test would go, and utter failure for english =.=, unless they'd consider letting me bring a dictionary in or greatly lower the standards.
Work at H.I.G.H has led me to realize a few things in my current life, and my work style. From how I look at my past, most of my jobs rely greatly on connections. My past bosses were all people i know, and have close contacts with. The ones that did not involve friends as my bosses would probably be introduced by friends, or those of the kind I just went for interviews and would most likely reject.
So my work environment at H.I.G.H is pretty good, atmosphere is there, location is there, work hours are suited for me, dinner is provided, drinks are provided, even though not unlimited, it's pretty good already. Pay ain't great, work standards are high, but I still do it, and I must say, even though i always get the accounts wrong, I think my working attitude is at a pretty high level, and I know it's because I know that I'm working for a friend, fuckups that occur through me would end up making things hard for him.
Similarly, that's how I work for all the past few jobs that I do, I try to ensure that I do not inconvenience them. Well if the boss was a stuckup, you know what people would normally do =D. I believe that boss to employees' mutual understand must be there, both sides play a pretty big role.
Which just brings me back to one of the big issues that's been bothering me in the head for quite awhile now. Let's just say I've 3 months and 7 days left to ORD. Well that sounds short compared with the 1 year and 4 months I've spent in store, but seriously, it feels long to me. Not cause it's so near yet so far, or that I can't wait. Everyday in store just seems like hell to me now.
Tis the period where many people are ORDing already, pang, hiddy, lup soon and vincent have already started to leave or are leaving soon. Ray has been attached to PRC apparently to do major Sai Kang that Master believes is to teach him a lesson. All that's left in store is 8 guys, me, desmond, ravin, shawn, Phillip, Master, 2IC, Pauline. Putting regulars aside, it's 5 guys. Last i heard, before I came in, the total manpower was like only 3 + Master, making 4. I guessed maybe everyone's too used to the huge manpower they used to have.
Feeling the manpower strain was probably one of the bad things going about, with the additional batallion merge that we had to endure along with it, workload seems to have gone up much higher than before, and with it naturally adds on to overall stress. Putting that in mind, Keong the punching bag will have to take in more shit.
Seems that while the manpower's pretty low after she attached Ray out, things have turned bad bigtime. Manpower wasn't an issue, more like the knowledge needed to do the job. Ravin was pure clerk, so nothing was expected of him. Phillip was just a blur cock with a dumb nature, and seriously, he could work, just that he was of the "preferred not to use" list. My man, shawn, I thought he was perfect, I guess they always say perfectionists don't exist. He was just one to take orders and get things done if asked to. He couldn't give a half-assed damn to remember anything I taught him, and that, I only learnt recently when I needed him to takeover as IC.
Basically what I taught him, none he bothered to remember, and when he doesn't know, I take the shit. When Phillip screws up too, I take the shit. Ravin just probably has the face of innocence, so when things go wrong for him too, I'm just the punching bag that's conveniently around most of the time.
And these people, are my gang, meaning, I cover their asses. Why? U ask, because they work for me. Didn't I say I work on friendships? It's not like I force them to, they're pretty willing to do it. Just that they all have their notable bad things in them, least they still work for me.
Now covering their asses is no longer feasible for me, because I am unable to cover up for my own. Apparently it seems that one event turned my whole year of slogging for master into scrap. Now store feels like a nightmare to me, the boss just looks at me like I'm a troublemaker. Suddenly it just seems all the shit that Desmond created for store has been cleaned up with that one event that I was absent in as well.
Somehow I just don't understand. I just desperately expressed feelings that I wanted to go, and in the most dire of times, I would just silently resign to fate and not go. She agreed after much trouble. With gratitude, I promised that I just needed an hour anytime to show up back at work if need be. She didn't ask me to, only called to say a few pieces of bad things that happened on my side.
And when I return, she's using all those mistakes to shoot at me everytime something else goes wrong, backing herself up with the word "Always".
This saturday, the store was faced with activation, the same date for my SAT test. Naturally I'd try and go "help me leh, I didn't arrange this time to do the test 3 months ago just cause of activation, how would I know it'd be chun chun on that day?" She was so unwilling to help, and all I did? Just pop out "Why is it so hard for me to ask you for help?" And there she'd rake up the "always" issue again, popping out the commercial stocktake thing, and that's it.
Towards the end though, upon finding out she didn't need many people for the activation, I was exempted from the activation. Well thanked her and all, but her face probably showed a fuck care expression. It's like I was probably regarded as one who was the store's troublemaker or something.
Seriously, I felt like shit. All it took for that shithead Desmond, was just one commercial stocktake to do it nicely, to make himself feel good now. Adding on to his close relationship with Jennifer the signal store 2IC, it just dawned on me that he has dominated the store. Talking to master the normal way I did was no longer possible. Our close relation probably didn't exist anymore after stocktake, and that now, I probably should just look upon her as my direct superior and just wait 3 more months to ORD.
And he, continues to shoot at Phillip not doing anything, while I no longer have anymore power to do anything, Contemplating master to post phillip out as well, which is the only things on her mind. To throw phillip and Pauline out. Her justification to pauline? We both regular, we both same pay, why am I doing so much more than her? And Phillip? No point keeping him if he dowan to work. Does he not work? Working for me equals not working? Is his fucking pizza-face with a "Please-Punch-Me" and his "So-I-Can-Talk-Very-Well" Mouth Mean everything to you? Just cause he can fucking talk, you're gonna let him carry on playing the boss?
I can't imagine if he successfully gets phillip out of the store, and when he and me ORDs, who the fuck will there be left? Why is that stupid woman BLIND to all these issues? What In The Fucking World Am I Supposed To Do? Pit my remaining "talking terms" with her against him? Or just watch the store ruined by the very person everyone's been trying to get out from the very start of his entrance?
Is it all going to end in my batch? Why do things have to turn out this way? And my support, is all gone. The remainders, are powerless people. Do I just let go? Do my stuff and let her fend for herself after I ORD? Or try to kick some sense in her?
So much for all my working for her, so much for all my staying back, so much for all my clearing store trying so hard not to bother her, and lastly, so much for all my organization. She'll just look at all the things that I've screwed up in and not done. Nothing else matters.
~KeongsterZ~ The harsh reality, It took him just 3 days, to wipe out my 1 year effort~
Posted by borny @ 3:57 AM
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