Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Date: August 30th 2006
Time: 2034 Hours
Situation: Planned Wednesday Research Has Officialy Ended.
Normal day at work, just the normal routine, but pretty bad thinking in my head. It's like the people who ain't working, got no responsibilities, so they dun kana fuck. Ask for favours they seem to get it so easily. And me? Responsibility so much, average worker, do wrong thing kana fuck, ask for favour also like machiam, damn hard sia. Well, least I was spared today anyway.
So i had to rush down to TMCAE to actually check out the courses there, but as expected, the shit was closed, so my 2nd choice was out. Only chance was they kinda said they're currently discussing with Monash with regards to opening new courses. They'll call me around the next month and all.
So now i'm down to UWA, further information gathered has proved that somehow because I'm a stupid jackass who wasted 3 years for my diploma and have no relation whatsoever, i have to take a first year foundation year, so probably, I'll have to spend 4 years there for the actual degree. And worst case, If i'm really interested in another degree after the first, it'll be 7 years there in total. Bachelors degree of psychology, and sports science basically, but they call it exercise and health science there.
So I'll just mess around, pray they have some double degree scheme, maybe can spend lesser time i hope. But not putting my hopes high, worst case I'll just study for my own knowledge without actually going through the actual degree holding process.
Next would be queensland, looking at bachelor of arts trying double major in psychology and sports. Or also allowed, a double degree of arts and science, both sides working on psychology on both, sounds cool man, full fledged psycho. heh.
I have like, no other options yet. And while I'm all around gathering information, at the same time I probably have more comments comin all over e place. So plans just keep changing all the time, I think it's good actually I'm receiving feedback all over, rather make a deep thought about it then regret it all over again.
Looks to me, My time is really running out. And from more sources, it just seems once I make the wrong Choice this time, My future won't be bright anymore. I just don't understand why I still don't care anyway. All my mind's telling me is "If I don't go for what I feel I wanna go, then I'd just be like some puppet being controlled by outsiders."
I had a friend who told me "U wanna study, go for the best, dun go those half fuck no recognition, if no recognition, then I rather dun study, go and work."
Another went "I dun think psychology suits you, you're not the kind to be talking nicely to people, and I think you already wasted 3 years in diploma, so I'd rather u dun waste another 3 years, you'll be in your thirties after it leh."
And when I think of the "Work" factor, it just seems my experience, is not zero, but pretty much, vague. My best experience revolves around lanshops, handling ahbengs, people who try to drag time, refuse to pay etc. wahahaha. Apart from that I just handle external side-jobs that really just does stuffs that anyone can do, those kinda part time jobs, that is.
My Best experience would revolve around something that I just feel doesn't suit me, coaching, that is. I used to think that if you gave me a person who's willing to learn, I can pretty much teach that bugger well. But no, it seems I'm not good at all levels.
Give me a kid who is naughty and I'll fucking beat the living shit outta him.
Give me someone who's willing to learn, I can teach the basics but can't identify mistakes and errors, end up talking gibberish.
Give me someone pro, man, hits better than me, coach simi sai =.=
2 years with uncle mike, rest of the time with Sjai, yeah well. I mean, that's okay and all, just that my feeling was "coachin's fine and all, but I'm not happy talking bullshit all the time, it's not helping them, and i'm just fucking my way through. Towards the end I'm just not knowledgable enough"
That's simple enough a reason why I'm studying psychology, to put it rationally it's to study human thoughts and actually try to know the flow so i could alter a portion of it, or to make it simpler, so that i could psycho myself to actually be more confident.
At the same time my 2nd most well-known-to-do-job is to sit around a corner and watch/observe/listen to people around me, and start analysing their characters, habits and personalities, as well as try to figure out things going on in their heads. It's really things that interest me, and doesn't really do much for my future career, or rather, ANYTHING.
So now it sounds, I'm putting my youth on the line for this. I better find out something about myself from this experience or I'm just close to hopelessness, maybe I could consider being a full-time chauffeur for a rich man h0h0h0. gh3y =.=
~Keongster~ So much things learnt daily. So cool, yet so unstable. . .sheesh.
Posted by borny @ 8:24 PM
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Date: August 29th 2006
Time: 2150 Hours
Situation: Tiring And Exhausting Day Of Detailing
Long day of work and questioning, well seems like my asking around didn't prove to be worthless. So here's an information update on study status.
First choice, SMU, is still undergoing, and looks like Shah's askin me to call up someone I don't know in there to see if he can get me in for an interview to up my chances. (Sjai's Pushing that I won't be able to pass the interview because of the way i carry myself). Assuming that he's right, and assuming that even if i got full marks for the SAT, if I did get in, I would stick to it as that, otherwise on to the Next choice.
2nd Choice, TMCAE, Dhoby Ghaut, that school seemed that although application forms are still out there, they probably haven't updated no shit with regards to their website, so I'll check it out either tomorrow or thursday, whichever is better, but rather I had a feeling it'd be closed anyway, and somehow I just don't feel like going to this school.
3rd Choice, It seems Australia has come into play, and First choice after all the questioning would be UWA(University of Western Australia) Situated in perth. Well just found out Weijun's in the same university, so I'm counting on him for more information gathering, while sources all identify that psychology's the best over there, problem is, with the "things" that i wanna learn, It ain't as easy as a bachelor's degree, but rather in that Uni, it's in 2 different degrees.
1st One being bachelor of Psychology, and the other, bachelor of exercise and health sciences. If they have no double degree system, I might just have to do with one, or force myself on both, and if i do, seeya guys in 6 years time =.=
4th Choice, University of Queensland, Checking it out, it has exactly the same as what I was looking for, and in a much simpler way, just a double major form. Bachelor of Arts degree, and in it has 50 majors, 2 of which is Psychology and sports science. So really, why not here =.= I'm considering too, but I still think UWA will be a better choice, Afterall, psychology's my top priority.
Haven't really Looked upon a 5th and 6th, but it seems I better start looking as well, in case the rejections just keep coming.
And it seems I can't sit around waiting for SMU's approval or rejection anymore, looks to me that Aussie's Application ends late september, so I gotta do my remaining homework fast.
Next question would probably be which agency I go to, which I just learnt of today. Cause apparently, the one i went to (IDP) Seems that they prefer to entertain girls only =.=, and I'm being recommended 2 others, so maybe I'll give the other 2 a try.
Whatever it is, I've gone deep into thought and kinda wondered if it was okay to always go with what people tell me and all, and yeah well, my argument would be, "can't survive out there alone can ya?" But go figures, I'll need a little discussion with some people out there regarding this life of mine, being worthless or actually, quite the other way round. Don't know if it's right squeezing personal info outta my friends, but I'll just do it anyways.
And if I do go aus, I have 6 months left here, and moment I ORD, I gotta fuckoff in an instant. Somehow, I have a feeling I have a future waiting for me, but I'm not sure what. Let time say it all.
~Keongster~ Friends Are Not Everything, But Far From Nothing. They Are Your Life =.=
Posted by borny @ 9:55 PM
Date: August 29th 2006
Time: 0129 hours
Case Study: Couldn't Feel Any More Fucked Up, Seriously. . . .
Situation: It's All About My Future, Yeah Well, It's My Life, My Future, But Kinda Everyone's So Concerned Over Me That I've Been Getting Fucked Non-Stop?
Current Status? Applied For SMU, First choice definetely, $7500/year, Damn, why not.
2nd Choice, some private school or something, well the 2nd choice refers to that school, but i gonna try 2 degrees for that, meaning, if i don't get the first, the 2nd lor
3rd Choice would be in Aus, Currently none looked at. Currently looking into University of Queensland, Or Adelaide (They say it's a fucking boring place, But So Long As It's Cheaper, Hell)
Current Situation? Much Worse Than I'd Think It'd be.
Seriously I Have no fucking idea whether i'm living life the right way or not right now. It is my life, but i've been living my life in such a way, my friends influence my decisions all the time, and really, i don't blame them, cause if i had a clear path, it's as clear as it could get, but problem is, i'm not even the least confident with what i have planned.
My current initial plan was simply to save money for the family, hell I know i'd be sponsored, but i'd never really wanted to take advantage of that fact. Since SMU had a subsidy till 7500 a year, well i thought i'd go for it, furthermore it had what i had planned.
Knowing I'd gone overseas, I'd have zero urban knowledge and would kinda die out there, I mean These kinda things i don't mind asking, but who do i have there to help? I'm kinda afraid of getting cheated too and all. And these were exactly what got me fucked upside down.
Yeah well, Mr Consultant Cum Coach Cum Upperstudy Cum Navigator Cum FatBastard probably just decided the time was right, and it was time to do or die, Keong's Ideals are stupid~ And they're just excuses for him to stay in his comfort zone. Goddamn need to kick some sense into him or it'll be too late.
And that was exactly what happened. I got it hard, so hard till i'm here right now, deep in thought, can't sleep and shit. FUCK. He chose a bad timing though, kinda was at home just decided to make use of my off day to full day gaming, he had to "Get out of your fucking home lah, you've been playing all day" and I was like "Yeah ok, Sounds like an idea" And the moment i Met him, the next fucking session came. To Me, first impression was "He scold me to come out just to scold me more =.="
So what exactly did he tekan? Well he was uber unhappy about me always isolating myself whenever I'm not in my comfort zone. My feedback? Whaddya want me to do? Start talking nonsense and make a fool outta myself? Of course I didn't say anything anyways. I know how much to what I know.
And too, he was unhappy about me not wanting to try overseas, I mean, well, he said the money thing was a stupid excuse, cause if I really wanted it, I could go over there and find a way to work just like Zul did (And Zul's story came where he went there and had to thicken his skin and approach a club with qualifications quite similar to mine and etc., and thus he didn't have to take money from his family at all~). Well it makes sense on that, Knowing myself, I'd probably just leech on my mum's money when i get over there. Think This should be resolved in singapore before moving on.
Then too, he was pissed bout me not asking about things. I dunno so much but i dun ask, And my first thought was "I ask what, that's why U tell me so much", but then again, I do keep alot to myself, to me they're sensitive issues, to him, I guess they're nothing. Examples he gave, SAFSA, why i'm not in. K I asked poh shuntian, he couldn't help, so i stopped, assuming i dunno anyone else. And sjai just went "Dey, Whole army only got shuntian ah, ask around lah, even those u dunno right" and bla bla bla bla. So obviously, He was right again.
Lastly, he didn't say it, but He was pushing at it the whole day. He's probably the most pissed with my low self-esteem. Like fuck, What do you want me to say after I tried to handle one lesson for you and got the ultimate ignorance and bastarcism from the entire team? Everyone's talking bout the Coffee, kena hot water and become fragrant (Moral is actually saying that like coffee, once it endures the heat, the outcome is sweet). Rather I'm like the Carrot, Kena hot water inside soft liao humji liao. Something in my heart just tells me that I'd rather not carry on disgracing myself. The whole idea why I didn't wanna do coaching anyway, I'm aware of my own flaws, And from past experience, I dun think I'm in any Situation to counter them.
So anways, questions based would be "Why choose Psychology anyway?"
People asked me to go for it cause they know i'm always deep in thought over happenings, especially what people are thinking deep inside. I don't ask, but more towards, I analyse. Deep inside, I know I have this interest in people, like what they're thinking, what makes them think that way etc.
But really, ultimately, I chose that degree for fun, I didn't have any plans to do consultancy or whatever else that was suitable for psychology degree holders. I just chose it cause, I wanted the knowledge. Afterall, you could apply it to everyday life. (Also kana tekan the moment i said this reason). And then maybe after the 3 years, I'd have something in mind, I suppose, Happy go lucky thinking.
And there you have it, admist all this helping in the form of tekaning from one side, I actually had another side who's kinda helping in the supportive form. Shan lo who else, Machiam always go to her for comfort, but seriously, who else can i find?
Well with her advice and all, I mean, well she's looking from a more "appropriate" point of view for youngsters like us, I mean like, afterall we're still young and have no knowledge, so it's ok to waste a few years going around and "Chuang Tian Xia" U know? While Sjai's Mr Realistic And Would directly go "Wake up your fucking idea" kinda thing.
So feedback from Sjai alone was more than enough to mess my head up, so bad till I really have no fricking idea of my next step, but before I move any further, I've decided that I should just check out things in singapore for the next 1 week, and move into Aussian details in the month of september.
My probable decision right now is that I'd still go for psychology, not because I want the knowledge, but Rather, I think I need it now. Need it so bad just to understand more about myself and what Sjai's thinking of an "appropriate" person is all about. To me this course would be all about pinpointing the bad things that I'm being fucked so much for and actually knowing why things are that way (If my homework of psychology is correct, I should be learning these kinda things).
Only question now is, WHERE?
I know Sjai's only too right, he's asking me to go to Aus to see more of the world, to get out of my comfort zone, to see the world, and to survive on my own.
Somehow I've already planned to do that, Without actually studying overseas. But maybe I might require changes to those plans. For Someone who hasn't seen his passport for the past 5 years, I'd say It's a pretty bad case. The "For What? Waste Money Only" seems to have been a gradual excuse to stay home that no one has probably said till the Coach came knocking by.
While I'm going through this period of deep consideration and thinking, I guess I still have someone to thank for being supportive over my decisions for that long, but maybe, I kinda felt that I'm not going to hide in my comfort zone along with your support and make a wrong decision this time, I'll do it once and for all, And I don't want to play around with my time. Meaning, I'll stick to my old style, Do Or DIE.
~Keongster~ Dumb And Stupid Ain't The Word for me, It's Hesitation And Doubt.
Posted by borny @ 1:33 AM
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Date: August 27th 1526Hrs
Case Study: Long Weekend Is Nearly Over, Well Still Have Monday Off, Guess It Ain't So Bad Yet.
Situation: Family Trip To The New Condo, Name's Called Shaughnessy.
So The Day Has Come Where The Wong Family Spends The Time Together Looking Over At The New House, So A Rough Comparison Of That Condo, + My Current One, The Clearwater:
Legend ----- C = Clearwater, S = Shaughnessy(Fuck Sia So Irritating To Type That Word)
Location: C = Bedok Reservoir View Road, The Clearwater
S = Minolta Walk, The ShaughNessy, Yishun Avenue 1
Square Feet Of "Territory" : C = 1600+,
S = 3400+
Selling Price : C = 900K,
S = 850k+
C: 2 Floor House : 1st Floor: Living room, kitchen, open space, dining area, balcony
2nd Floor: 2 Rooms, 1 Master bedroom and a study area
S: 5 Floor House: Basement: 2 carparks, 1 Guest room, 1 smallroom, open space
1st Floor: Living room, dining area, kitchen, balcony
2nd Floor: Master Bedroom and 2nd bedroom with private toilets
3rd Floor: 2 rooms and a toilet, and a small storage
4th Floor: Roof Terrace? Can BBQ N all etc.
Overall Status: 4 bedrooms and a guestroom in total? My Family's that Big?
Facilities: C = 2 Tennis courts, a swimming pool, bbq pits all over e place, a clubhouse, ktv etc.
S = 18 facilities which about 8 is part of the swimming pool, 1 tennis court, Basketball practice court etc, this place has much more basically.
Accesibility: C = Near Main Road, Easy Access Around, Not Much Of An Issue
S = Totally Sucked, No Busstop Near It (Yet), well, only for people with cars.
Overall Description: C = Reasonably, Noisy Area, Normal Household
S = Like A Frickin Resort, Good Place To Hide From Loansharks.
That's All That I've Seen For The Day, This Place Called Shaughnessy, Said It Was Named After A Golf Course In Britain, Seriously, That Place Was Good, The Normal Bedroom's Like 2½ Times My Current RoomSize, And I Could Do Some Serious Stair-Climbing In There.
My Greatest Wonders Would be "My Bro Go Marry Go Live Elsewhere, I Go Overseas Study, Dad's Always Overseas, Cool, My Mum has 5 Rooms To Choose Where To Sleep in"
There We Have Another "Your Friends Have More Space To Sleep In When They Stay Over". OK, Like Who Would Come Considering The Location? Maybe If They Had Too Much Money For Taxis.
I Don't Feel Like Saying Whether I Want To Move In Anot, Both Sides Has Pros And Cons, Furthermore, Being My Lazy Self, I'm Always The "Aiya Just Live Normal Life, Change So Much For What" Kind Of Person, So I Guess I'm Better Off Not Commenting.
~Keongster~ CTE Will Be My Best Friend Soon Enough . . . .
Posted by borny @ 3:30 PM
Friday, August 25, 2006
Date: Friday, August 25th 2006
Time: 1720 Hours
Status: Shagged Out, Feeling Like Shit, And Totally Sucked.
~ ~Keong's Recent Statuses Of Things That Seldom Occurs To Him~ ~
Date: Friday August 18th
Storyline: First Day Of Flu Symptoms, Go Figures That The weekend Would Suck, Nothing Done Particularly, Normal Boring Days.
Date: Saturday August 19th
Storyline: It's A Fricking Saturday, Flu's Not So Major, Went To TP To Do The Usual PDP, Spent The Day Going To Town With Sjai To Get Jeans, And Yeah Well, Took A Bus Home, Went Past SMU(At Bras Basah There) And Initially, I Was Sleeping. Was I Glad I Fricking Woke Up.
Traffic Lights Were Being Nice To Me, Turned Red Where I Just Wokeup And Eyes Glanced At SMU's Building With Those Cloth Posters That Showed "School Of Social Sciences" *ahah* Rings A Bell.
Date: Sunday August 20th
Storyline: Just Beginning To Think That It Was Stupid Work Again Tomorrow, Day Was Spent Just Nuaing At Home And Hanging Around With Sjai N Jinx At Night, Nothing Much Really. What Would Have Been Considered Significant Was Probably The Amount Of Humour We Had That Night, Apart From That, Nothing Else Much To Be Said.
Date: Monday August 21St
Storyline: Yeah, WORK, zZzZz, And Something More. Preparation For The Next Few Days Work Was Going On Okay, Till I Felt Pretty Fucked Up. First Day I Couldn't Taste Food, Was Like "Everything Tastes The Same", And Towards The Afternoon It Got Worse, So Went To see Doctor =.= MC 2 days~~ (Now How Often Do I Take MC =.=)
Date: Tuesday August 22nd
Storyline: MC First Day, Nua At Home, Sleep And Watch "My Wife Is 18", It's a Korean Show, Man The Girl Is Cute, And The Show Is Really Damn Nice. Watched For A Few Episodes, And Spent The Most Of The Day Sleeping (Recuperating)
Date: Wednesday August 23rd
Storyline: Day 2 Of MC, Nua Mode, Send Father Home, And Shocker Part 2. I Actually Went To Scout At SMU's Social sciences Thingy (Yeah Took Me Long Enough), But Hell, I Read, I Liked It, And I Applied =.=, Now Only Praying That I'd Be Accepted.
Date: Thursday August 24th
Storyline: Not To Say That Everyone Was Against Me, But It Was Only Too True, With My Kinda GPA, It's Nearly Impossible To Think Of A Local University. Not Even SMU, But In My Mind, The Subject's Not Only One Of Those I Could Actually Think Of Furthering, But As Well, It Saves My Family $$$ Bigtime. The Fricking Course With Subsidy Costs $7500 Per Year, I Don't Need Accomodation As Well. Needless To Say, If I Study Overseas, It's Gonna Be More Than 3X That Cost.
Putting That In Mind, I Was In Panic Mode, I So Much Wanted To Up My Chances To Get In, And There Was Only One Way, The SAT Reasoning Test. Suprisingly, So Many People Knew And Took It Before, So I Had To Push To Understand That Test And Try To Best That Test To Up My Chances.
Date: Friday August 25Th (TODAY)
Storyline: And There You Have It. The Day Is Today, Booked Christine's Assistance To Bring Me To The Uhhhm, RELC Building Place To Learn About The Courses Offered In The Various Australian Universities. Before That, We Went To Parkway For Lunch And Well, I Started Searching For SAT Information In MPH BookStore. Those Fucking Books Cost As Much As My Fucking Tennis Shorts Sia, Shag.
Christine Ended Up Bringing Me To The Library (First Time In My Adulthood Stepping Into A Public One, Putting TP Aside). Borrowed The First SAT book, Which Was Ridiculously Thick. Then We Moved On To RELC building. Seeing All The Brochures In There, It's Like All Of A Sudden I Have So Many Fricking Choices Now. After Asking For Abit, It Seems That The Most Recognized University There Is The One Those Girls Are All In, Queensland =.=, Also Means Gotta Blow Some Cash Bombs About. Of Course I Could Choose The Cheapest (And Most Boring) One, Adelaide =.=
Ended Up Taking 2 Brochures,And Luckily Enough, SAT Test Registration Was On The Same
Building, Got It Done, 4th November's The Test, And I'm All Set, That's All I Can Do Right Now, And I Just Feel I've Got To Start Studying For It Like, Soon.
Having Gone Through It All, I Just Felt That I Gotta Thank This Life Of Mine I Had Such Friends =.=, People To Ask For Information, Help, Assitance. Damn, They're All One Bloody Helpful Bunch, And Yeah, Can't Hate My Life For That.
So Now I Suppose SMU's First Choice, And Any Worse Than That, Maybe Australia Already, Queensland? I Would Suppose So I Guess. Don't Think I Wanna Adelaide Even Though It's Cheap, Guess I'll Check Things Out A Lil More. But In The Meantime, PLEASE Let Me Get Into SMU!~!~!~!~ Mwahahahahaha
~Keongster~ Thank God For The Friends That I Have =.=
Posted by borny @ 5:22 PM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Date: August 13Th
Time: 2337 Hours
Situation: Boring Day Today, Most Happening Day The Day Before, And Off Day Tomorrow, But To tell the truth, I Don't Know If Taking Off Is A good thing anot.
Friday was like a day of hell for me. Despite the half day off, I was called up on non-stop for work related issues that i cannot handle because i had already left camp. Making phone calls here and there weren't exactly the most enjoyable thing to do as well, but it all went okay considering i managed to drag the work till monday, and i still have an off day =.=, so i guess i'll ask master to do it =p.
The day was spent mostly with Sjai, shopping and all, got to see the internal part of maple woods, cool spot, and I just slept in the car for the 1 hour he coached. Then as scheduled we went to derru's place for his parteh. I kinda felt bad for him though. It was a birthday party and I think my group made it seem to retarded. Kinda like u have a gang sitting elsewhere playing magic cards =.=
Well anyways, friday ended pretty enjoyably, closed it by going up to derru's house, the guys watched movies which i introduced call of duty 2 and just played more magic. His presents, jeez, were like, super dirty-minded n all. I wonder why everything around me revolves around those kinda things. The drinking gang doesn't really do that often, though they talk bout relationships once in awhile. The tennis team talks bout sex most of the time, and the army gang, well, only bryan does =.=
Saturday? I guess I need more saturdays like that, was absolutely cool. Normal morning PDP lesson with Sjai n Joyce. Catching up on a few old shit with her, then afternoon lunch with Christine. Bloody hell, the food was good sia, she blanja somemore h0h0h0 song. We had alot of talk and funny laughing and all. the debates were cool, discussions we had talking alot of shit here n there.
Then night time was the period to go to chris's 21st birthday. Too bad for her, it was probably her turn to die, but i guess she only too aware of that and tried to avoid the situation, but she still puked anyway. Following up was JH, Me, Ryan and Jacky~ 3 of us puked together sia, that was cool.
And i found a quick new way to puke, it was just to watch the movie Van Wilder and think of the scene where the dog masturbated and that stupid idiot drank the masturbate =.= Super disgusting i could use it to puke anywhere at anytime.
Stayed on till 5:30, took a shower n lefted the chalet grounds, went home at 6am and dozed off till 3pm =.=, then went on msn n had a chat with christie till 7+ . . .didn't really go out at all, the day to nua i suppose.
That's my life as it is, guess I need some new going ons in my life, which I can't really figure out what. But I guess I should still consider myself lucky.
Keongsterz~ Why Does My Heart Always Do The Opposite Of My Brain zZzZz~
Posted by borny @ 11:39 PM