Monday, July 24, 2006
Time: 2222Hrs (Zhun Sia)
Sometimes, it already feels like whenever I blog, It's always about complaining, so sometimes I really feel that the lesser I blog, the better I am actually?
But you know, things just seem to get more and more confusing by the minute. I'm a man of many thoughts, half of which are just my made up imagination, while the other half are based on situations. And every single time I get into thinking, it gets my driving into a dangerous situation (Just like how I hit the center divider the very first time). That's kinda like the reason why it feels so good to be taking a bus, can daydream all u want and just probably risk missing the busstop.
So now I'm half fucked in my social circle while fully spending my time all messing around in store. Today's news was damn horrific, My LRI this year has a time extension of DOUBLE TIME, 2 weeks!!! It means they have all the fucking time in the world to check everything, which means we're in hell load of big shit.
Ended up I had to make my man suffer along with me and we went on a full clean-up-spree.
It's gonna last for a pretty long period and hopefully it'll clean up most of the shit that's been going around in store. It's pretty tiring in it's own way, but makes time fly pretty quickly too, which is a good thing. Best of all is when you're done with a day of hard work you go down to TP and do some hitting and relieve some stress.
Today I came upon a TV show and learnt a new term, something about a pathological liar. If i'm not wrong that term means a person who's lied to someone for a fucking long time. Now that's probably something I need. People who really know me well know that I'm not exactly a good liar, hence I'll be a pretty bad fuckup during the LRI itself.
Then that show went on talking about the liar itself, like what made him/her decide to lie for a lifetime, and whether that person hates him/herself phychologically and all, which's just too confusing for me to understand.
And really, what I really wanted to blog about, is obviously more on what I'm thinking inside my head. These past few months, I've been confusing myself about my friendships around the globe. Not just one, but actually, everyone. I'm really beginning to think if I'm actually just pushing loads of assumptions into my conclusions.
My friendships are turning sour, by my own hand. Whether they are people I hate, or people I think I hate, I'm confusing myself with one simple thing, myself. Somehow I've simply brought it down that the end conclusion of why things are turning bad is because of something going on that's wrong with me. And i'm beginning to think that the program I watched actually makes sense, that the person Keong actually hates is Keong, and that whether he's willing to actually give himself a chance to forgive himself.
It's cool to think things that way, yet really sounding retarded.
And really, people around me, people who face up to reality, are people who are really practical, as in, u know they're the kind who knows this world's a dog eat dog world? While those who always tries to avoid reality (Intoxication, running away) are those who seriously just want to believe in what they believe in? No matter how much they think they're right or wrong?
Makes you wonder if these situations are those that actually sparks differences so huge that ends up bringing the world to disagreement all the time and eventually fights. WARS.
Posted by borny @ 10:22 PM
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Topic: It All Fucking Makes Sense Now
Today was the day everyone felt the pain. Master was so ready to throw anyone into OC's custody the moment we slept during office hours etc, And we all obeyed. We all kept our frickin eyes open though we were all damn SHAG.
Then came the time where Master was in deep shit. Something just happened in store, and obviously It was due to one of her storemen and not her, but the problem is, shit happens, and she somehow has to bear responsibility for it.
So it just came to me within a simple point of view that at this kind of time when she needs help, there's actually nothing we can do but assist her with the minor shits that we understand. Ultimately, we're still not anywhere near her situation.
On the other hand, when we're in deep shit, we always bug master to try n help us get out of our shit, thinking that she's our IC and can help us talk our way through. It makes sense, but at the very same time, I think it's pretty irritating that she has to cover the asses of all of us in store (that's like 12 right now). While it's in her power to cover our ass, it's not in OUR power to help with hers. We have people to go to for help, she doesn't =.= (OC/RQ maybe?)
Well just a lil bit of guilt talk. And of all rotten timings my car's fuse blew again. This is like the fucking 3rd time already, i wonder when they'll ever repair it PROPERLY. Gh3y buggas
Keongsterz~ Chan Jianwee Has Appeared in Store, It's a good thing actually, he works =.=
Posted by borny @ 10:49 PM
Friday, July 14, 2006
Date: 14th July 0021hrs
Situation: Sjai's birthday was over 21minutes ago.
Nuthin much, This was the very first birthday that I planned like for weeks. My buddies and all will know one thing. I will know their personality, their type, what they always feel at certain situations, but i'll never know what they like to eat, when their birthday is, and even to some, how old they are.
That's just simply me, and somewhat this year, the team was pretty psyched up to actually throw in a shocker, so hell, I just figured I could do it, since I wasn't really all that required to show up for training anyway.
Through all the fuckups that I went through that I had to replan again n again, It was finally implemented, and it went okay. Everyone had their fair share of fun. And at the same time, I told myself, this would very well be my very last time. It's time to take my life seriously, and put enjoyment aside, cause I'm a fricking 21.
Maybe I'm just turning old, but I'm really kinda, afraid of being useless. My whole family's looking at me like a pile of rubbish now, but some valuable rubbish that they treasure. Afterall, they gave birth to me.
Seriously, It pains me like hell that everytime I bother to go out with them, half the time they spend with me is complaining about me. It's like, we probably totally differ. They don't see what I see, I don't see what they see. And all I see now, is enduring sarcasm, loneliness, and pain. And to start off with that, I think I have to start off in staying in camp.
What I'm glad to know is I have friends willing to stay in with me to keep me company, Too bad OC doesn't allow, and it's just not worth it to purposely get charged an SOL (Stoppage Of Leave) And stay in camp all day. Life just continues to pressurize me every passing day.
I'm beginning to be able to accept doing heavy amounts of work with minimal manpower, I'm able to handle big issues with people, having the confidence to talk to officers with pretty decent courtesy now. I see myself as having a big improvement. But is that really enough at all?
Life has seriously told me one thing. My way of survival, Is wrong. Relying on friends all the time? It ain't gonna work out. I've been clinging to people supporting my views again and again, and the moment they sway from that course, I'd look at them at a totally different point of view. I guess there's a really thin line drawn between friendship and enemyhood.
So afraid of life, everyone's moving on. I'm just crawling on. U know, going with the flow. So if a typhoon were to come and rampage on singapore, I would probably just stand there and tell the typhoon "Fuck that, take me wherever u wanna me to go", which is just totally dumb. When would I actually bother to stand on my own feet? No one has been able to make me do that. And I believe that the only person who could do it, is myself.
~~WHY the FUCK am I 21~~
Keongsterz~ ~ CPL, only means more pressure. Never a good thing, cept for the $$ increment.
Posted by borny @ 12:24 AM
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Situation: It's Raining Outside, Hasn't Been Stopping For Awhile Now.
It Is Times Like These That Just Makes A Person Feel So Lazy In Wanting To Do Anything.
Idling at home all day, There's just so much anime I've not watched, so many movies waiting to catch, so many games to complete, but really, dunno where to start off.
And as usual, when there's so much time up my ass, I'm drifting off into my own world of fantasy, dreams and negative impulses. And u know, I always tell myself that if there's anyone who could read my mind, boy, that one person would seriously either hate me to the core, or just somehow cower in disgust/fear over what i'm always thinking about.
Reality, something that we've always been facing since the day we began living, only difference was, our problems were solved with the help of family, friends, people around you, etc.
As the years go by? Parents will be too unable to help you out, maybe only through advice.
Friends? As simple as it gets, they'll be your competitors, and it'll be up to you to decide whether they'll be your enemies, or simply just, competing. Some will give in, most will just compete cause they have to, and some will even utilize strategies that gain from the losses of others.
I'm 21, and one way or another, I'll never understand why my mum never treats me like one, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Because 21, is not a good age to live by. Everyday, I worry about my future, worry about my future abilities in being able to support them, worry about practically everything that involves my future and the people that will be affected by it.
People say I'm sensible, mature. Yes, I am, but have you realized, only in thinking? Not in action? I've not done anything. . . Lazy to research, lazy do this n that, always relying on friends, family?
And even though I wanna say I'm tired of worrying, I've not really been exerting myself in anything =.=
~Rainy day = Moody Day = Sad Day = Leave Me Alone Day~
Posted by borny @ 4:54 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Status : Game Over
After a whole year of Exercise Avoid RSM, today was the day he finally brought me down, and after so long in the army, last remembering i got fucked by Sgt Sutan, now has come the time where i kena another major fucking.
Keongtardz Has Been Pwned By RSM~ Hooooly Shitttt~~~~
Posted by borny @ 1:30 PM
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Date: 1st July 2006
Situation: SAF Day, also Celebration of Leong JH's Birthday
Feeling: Got alot to say today, seriously alot
What happened Today: Many Many Many, stupid things, I can only call myself "I am cumlan today"
Today, really damn cumlan lah. . . Dunno what to say to myself sometimes.
The mornin started off with tennis for a little while until the team's matches started, basically we had no courts, so poh shuntian, jinxy n me kinda wasted our time around. In the end I just guessed that maybe we should go.
The rest of the day was CUMLAN because I decided to fricking drive into town. This bloody idiot from my company thinks that I'm so wu eng to go anywhere since I have a friggin car. In the end I tried to go to some MAD place called lau pa sat. That place was cool, but i was just pushing my luck making turns here n there. Ended up parked at some united square, and parking there costed me $3.
Then I moved on, figured since JH's celebration's at 6:45pm, decided not to go home since it was already 3:30 at that time. Since I needed to get him a present anyway, AND I had so much fricking time, AND I just felt like visiting takashimaya after so damn long, yeah I went straight into the CBD area. ERP? 50cents. Wasn't much, but the traffic was sheer murder. No way am I gonna bring my 4 wheels in there ANYMORE.
Taka has changed much since I last showed up. I was cumlan enough to drive into CBD area where the traffic's crazy at it's maximum, I had to add it up with finding a bloody retarded parking spot. I just see nice nice, go park there, fuckin was so narrow, i had to reverse and move forward 12 times to fricking get out, at least getting in took me like only 5 in and outs. But I was still retarded enough to choose that spot. I think they're retarded to design a lot like that too, maybe small cars could do it I dunno.
Cumlan part 3 was I really wondered what shook me up to just walk around town ALONE. I just walked around aimlessly, probably hoping to find something that would interest JH, nothing that would really mean much offence (Like buying some stupid clock). I even hesitated buying wine glasses and even mirrors (Kinda retarded with ideas I get at taka). Best was really to get him men's perfume, but I dun remember him using any + it's too ex anyway. And finally got him something that he could waste alot of his time on when he's plain boliao since he's still in NS, I need some of those too, but I think they'll burn out my REMAINING brain cells. (I have a brain but I don't utilize it you see). Taka parking costed me another $3.
Then it was time to leave to go visit JH, cumlan part 4 was go delete his bloody SMS and i thought it was RAFFLES CITY. I went in there, conveniently parked, and just walked into raffles city lookin around. N smsed him, jez in case. Hoho, I was so wrong, He meant raffles place MRT =.=
So i panicked (Only had 30minutes left) and~ Left~ In a hurry. Dropped my handphone in public, wooo what a disgrace, Cumlan part 5!~
Went outta raffles place with NO clue how to get to Boat Quay, And i just parked 10minutes and they charged me a fricking $2.80 grrrrrr. Maybe it was the 20mins i spent circling round that fucking place lookin for a lot.
Anyhow drive around lor, somehow I was lucky to see familiar ground so I just got somewhere nearby, and decided to park at a open spot. Here cums cumlan part 6. Park liao nvm, I left the car, lock the car, and walked back to the car, Thrice.
Part 1 was when I went back to put a coupon, just 1/2 hr.
Part 2 was when I looked at all the other cars and I noticed they put so many (like 3-5hrs worth) So i was wondering whether police here damn active.
Part 3 Was when I realized i Retardedly LEft his present in the car, dunno buy for what then.
And yeah, when we went to eat, it was this place called pitstop, really cosy place. It's a restaurant that can basically only fit 3-4 groups (Today had 4 groups, mine had 9 people, another had 8, the other, 10 and lastly, 8)
That's all they could kinda fit, restaurant food was good, and they had the concept of playing board games after your meal, which I found really cool, though you had to pay. But it was really worth it, we took a pitstop set meal or wahtever its called, 1 main course + soup + drink + 2hrs of board game playing.
Played 2 games, one was like, some train game, and the other was swap, both were really cool games, worth playing. I had to strategize so much and ended up winning with Jacky hohoho. I guess I've really matured In strategy planning. Damn, Why am I so good?
Cumlan PArt 7, The best of all. Follow jacky's route back to JH's house, i see tampines flooded, basket, I go act smart go try and find alternate route, go by TPE, yeah. Kena Jam even longer, coz got bus breakdown =.= PCB
Whatever it is, The cumlan sessions are over, To me, It's ok to be cumlan, Just dun be cumlan over the same thing, that's plain retarded.
Today was a long day, very shagged out with all the cumlaniness that happened on the day. I think it'll be a long time before I decide to try stupid things again.
K'Tardoz - Left a Message @ Pitstop~ h0h0h0, And I realize, that even though I have short hair now, My hair still seems to be the only one that's kinda, unkempt, aka MESSY. An inheritance of my long hair? Perhaps?
Posted by borny @ 1:28 AM