Sunday, June 25, 2006
Date/Time: 250606 / 2353hrs
Situation: Mixed Feelings
Feeling: Work Again Tomorrow ~_~
Somehow the feeling of working just sucked, somemore knowing NUS has got a 3 month holiday that started last month, so they still have 2 more months till August, makes you just wanna get a leg broken and 6 Month MC that just ain't worth it anyway you think of it. I've had my 7 month slacking before entering NS anyway.
So everyone's moved on, we're all at the age of 21. We gotta learn to cope with society, we gotta learn that this world isn't as nice as you think it should be, which only applies to people who thinks this world is nice. And just the exact opposite for those who think the world is fucking cruel, it's not that bad either. It's just who you run into and what he does that affects your life.
So You think your life sucks, you're stuck in a condominium with a nagging mum, dad, and a crazy brother who just seems to want to find trouble with you all the time. You've got a fricking useless diploma that you totally suck at and you know you'll never have a future in, you have no fricking idea what good you are at, you have no fricking idea what to do after your ORD, and you fricking have no girlfriend. You think you have a very sad life. (Just putting myself as a neat example.)
You don't realize you have a full grown body with little defects, you have 2 legs, 2 hands, a body, a nose, pair of eyes, pair of ears, mouth, you have everything a normal human has. You abuse your body by intoxicating yourself, smoking, making your parents' hair turn white wondering where the fuck you've been out for the past few late nights. You kill any brain cells up your brain by just wasting your life away.
You forget everything about your car, your luxury of being able to play tennis for the past 14 years, and you now have a fricking LCD TV and Cheap DVD player (Putting myself as example again), and seriously still call yourself unlucky?
This is the life of a man at 21 thinking of the future. I read an article in my tekong company apache. I heard of it before, but in a very vague manner. It's about God giving life to animals.
To the best of my knowledge, though i think I forgot or misplaced some. . . . . .
Here's the full story:
God created the monkey, and told him "I'll give you 20 years of life, all you have to do, is do acts and entertain people", and the monkey said "20 years of this kind of life is too long, I'll give you back 10 years" And god agreed
Then god created the cow "I'll give you 80 years of life, you are to work under the hot sun, plowing the farms and providing food for the humans" and the cow said "80 years!? That's too long for such a life! I'll give you back 40 years" So god agreed.
And god created the dog "I'll give you 30 years of life, and your job is to watch the homes of the humans and guard it with your lives" and the dog said "That's too boring a life, I'll give you back 20 years" And god agreed as well.
Finally, God created the human, and he said "I'll put you in the living world, give you 20 years of life, and all you have to do is eat, sleep and play all day." And the human said "Such a good life, And only 20 years? That's too little, tell you what, I'll take the years of what the monkey, cow and dog gave you, alright?" And god agreed.
That's why in our lives, we spend our first 10 years entertaining the people around us, then the next 20 years eating, sleeping and playing, the next 40 years slogging hard to provide for the family, and the last 20 years sitting at the house and barking around at people.
If that's what i recall, that's the gist of it. Probably the years aren't correct, but whatever, the idea's there =)
And i'm reaching the period of the cow~ WORK!!! I've had my fair share of fun I suppose, It's time for me to inherit the agony my parents had earning money to keep the family alive. It's not really a good thing to imagine, but anyways, It'll come.
Just watched 3 pretty neat movies with totally new styles that I've never watched before, but okay nonetheless, though one was pretty dumb.
1) The producers ----> storyline bout some movie producer that wanted to do a major flop so he could runaway with loads of money, and the entire movie revolved around using SINGING to potray their storyline, so they had many songs, and sheesh, they kinda could drive me mad.
2) The Ranch ----> Sex movie, about a prositute house about diamond ranch. It potrays each prositute and their very own touching story and their very own circumstances being driven to prositution, only thing was, the ending wasn't an ending at all?
3) Princess Diaries ---> I know It's a lil too late to watch, but nonetheless, touched me totally. I mean, it was awesome, and fuck. She was pretty, first time I've fallen in love with a character that actually exists huh(Okay, putting Felicia Chin Aside), maybe less animes and more movies might do the trick. But storyline, absolutely rocked.
So I've taken another half hr to get this done, coz the time now is, 0016. Well I figured less complaints might do a little changing on things around here, afterall, I should settle my own problems. And maybe, Things ain't so bad as they seem afterall.
Keongster~ To Overcome and to conquer your fear. That's what they all say, But it's always easier said than done right? Where's the challenge if everyone could do it anyway? =D
Posted by borny @ 11:55 PM
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
How Day Went: Really It was fine, very nice, but shit happens i guess
After-effects: Excessive usage of brain again. . . .
Nobody would have figured how things came to this, and as usual, alot came to my mind. It was difficult for my mind to adapt to even having a single enemy, I mean, I know when i argue with them, and it doesn't matter if I win or not, my inner heart would burn~ With anger? And probably guilt, because I never know If i'm entirely correct or wrong.
So the situation just turned out this way, was doing work, and as everyone who does service side in army knows, the new ES system has proved to be fucking irritating as well as retarded all around. And they say "Still in beta stages" sounds like a nice excuse. But it doesn't matter that way.
So first things first, i entered their workshop and most of our stuff has already been collected, with logsheets that were supposed to be Filled up ended up unfilled by the "target". Then this target's fellow colleague did the filling while i asked him if we could bring the stuffs down first. Well he said ok, so we did.
Once update was done, we went downstairs and prepared to move off when the "target" ran down and called us, because we still needed to do some ES shit. So, we have no choice anyway. Go up lor, figure i'd get it over n done with. Go upstairs need to listen to his requirement for logsheet, then some stupid number n sorts, and obviously he blamed us for bringing the stuffs down since the stuffs had the details, and he said worst case we gotta bring all up, fine.
Had to call master thrice for his requirements that came one by one (Obviously proves he doesn't think before he demands) and obviously enjoys making me wait. It was until 5:30 he started doing work(Time for fallout, dammit). Then kinda, I was thinking, I was grumbling inside about the ES, he was scolding fuck n cheebye on the other side, well, Basically i somehow just managed to convince myself that ES was just making us pull our hair, so I didn't really pursue that fellow's stupidity and lack of efficiency.
So we got everything, and he was doing work, obviously something he knows, but i dunno, and i just followed whatever he did. While he was bitching, somehow I just said "Bro, I wouldn't mind if you would just, uhm, save the fucks n cheebyes and work quicker probably?" I guess that seriously turned him off or something. Things sure turned ugly, he started scolding me, which, hell, claimed that my side didn't do our work properly. And my mind went flashing "Yeah well i know nothing, u could blame anyone in my store, I still won't know who's truly at fault." So hell, I just apologized and just moved on with work.
Then his attitude came, started ignoring me, well fine, who cares. Then i was fidgeting with his stapler and he just went "Can u stop fucking around with my stapler?" Idea was there, I gave the nicest reply i could think of "Eh relac lar, save your PMSes for yourself", he had to add on "Dunno, see your stuck up face just dun like".
So fine, that's how things ended up, I turned out to be the jackass, and, I ended up thinking on my entire trip back "Why did I just let him go? Was I just too afraid? Or was I just thinking of avoiding trouble?"
"What defines who's right or wrong? I may have been wrong for saying that line, or was he wrong in being petty? Does defining right/wrong means having the people around u sharing your thoughts? Like agreeing with you that the guy is just petty?"
"What would have been my course of action if I decided to turn hostile? What actually caused me to think like that? Put it nicely, I was probably calm enough to think everyone's stressed up. Put it bluntly, I just didn't want trouble"
"Is it just me being too nice? Too soft? Try to please everyone? But does it work that way?"
All these just flashed into my mind, there was no answer, all that I knew was, the only way to end up having peaceful relations with everyone around you is to not work with them =.="
Nice guy? Maybe i'm one, Softie? Maybe too, But maybe abit of all, I'm nice, Soft, And Afraid. I really wonder if I should go back into that workshop again. He was a frickin private for god's sake. And I let myself get fucked by him. Weird stuffs happening all around man, and just that when I resolved one issue another had to come by.
Best of all was, the best sentence I came up with that is always proven effective and true nonetheless. "Gotta have a common enemy for everyone to unite. And yes, the store kinda agreed that it was his fault, in my point of view, I don't know. I said that blunt line, so probably it's me, Who's fault it actually is is not known either, but I wouldn't blame master nor shaun nor Ravin, All i would say is "FATED". But in reality, does analysing the situation and defining faults the way to go? Isn't the way of survival is just to ensure the blame goes to anywhere but you? Am I Unsuitable for the real world? Questions are still flying all over, but at least, I know I am no longer as emotional as the past. I would take this like a man, and face it like a man.
Keong's Perfect Solution, There is No Perfect Solution.
I'm 21, better start living like a 21.
Posted by borny @ 12:11 AM
Saturday, June 17, 2006
June17th2006 - 1141hrs - Nothing better to do - Deep in thought
The truth, sought by many, tormenting to accept, often blinded by personal feelings.
When it hides itself among the lies, people try means and ways to dig for the truth, and once they find it, it often turns out bitter, and they cover it up with their very own lies. But men, they either accept the bitter truth and move on, or hide in their own world of deceit and refuse to leave.
At least, that is what I seriously wonder to myself. Whether I'm just lying to myself, refusing to let go, or I'm just praying for a miracle. Whatever the case is, I'm always into playing the passive role, maintaining my stand and just waiting for more displays of evidence that might display the truth I've always been searching for.
Yes, I have a problem with friendship, it has to be him anyway.
Weirdly enough, I don't feel pain, I don't feel empty, I don't feel sad, I just feel like I'm missing something. Something that I have prepared myself so long ago to let go, but just don't want to do so myself.
We all move on in life, I've learnt all sorts of situations, expressions and reactions to situations. Agony, Pain, True happiness, brotherhood, sadness etc. It just seems to me I've learnt to accept to reality that not everything requires a reason. That being applied, there's no logic or explanation, such as why.
Everyone has their period when they're so-called unreasonable. Where they just somehow go beyond their limit and piss the living shit out of everyone around them. The main reason why people hate each other is often cause they break the norm of breaking the borders, going too far with certain issues, shattering each other's "self-righteous" thoughts, like somewhat I can think that "Loudmouths in public are so darn rude" while others don't give a shit about it.
And, having said all that, I'm really thinking if I'm really accepting those as "How the world functions" or actually, I'm just telling myself that the world is like that so that I'd feel much better. I'm 21, do adults think that way? I doubt so.
Keongsterz~ Pondering About Life Once Again. I'm not sad, Just empty. I know I'm not lonely, even though I always feel that way, but thank god, I have friends to talk to =.=
I have 2 legs, 2 Hands, a nose, a brain(though not so efficient), a mouth, two ears, almost everything a normal human should have, and a family. What more do I have to say. . .
Posted by borny @ 11:43 AM
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Date: 14th June 2006
Situation: Full Day Off Today
Condition: Feeling Like Fuck, Super Tired, Super Sianz
So time's been passing by slowly as usual, off days just seem to come once in a very long while, sad to say, and much has been happening for the past few days till I'm really not in a very good state to talk about.
Chapter 1: Computer Finally Gave Way
One thing i don't understand, is i wonder whether i really trust my friends too much, or i just think too much. Weirdie has greatly convinced me that getting a computer through his friend is a much cheaper and better way of getting a good computer, so i simply followed up. And yes satisfaction was there, pricing was ok, things seemed okay.
Until the com kept breaking down time and again, I just hoped for him to come down once, and all the time, it's either his phone engaged or never answer, N ask weird to get him to come down asap just for a check, well, It never happened. Until my computer finally decided to crash on me.
Yes after calling, I was told (BY WEIRD) that my graphics card should be loose, so whatever, i just pull out and put it back in. And afterwhich, my windows can never seem to boot anymore, after 30 tries, it's finally time to resign to fate. Format the fucking thing.
So now i'm sitting infront of a screen, no songs, no nothing, my anime, and whatever that i'll find out is lost throughout the rest of the week. But for once, for some reason, I felt that my "drugs" in the computer dissolved along with the formatting. Now why do I call it drugs? I did see the news yesterday about kids playing lan game until super late in the night (That's not me, I just go after skewl and play 3-4 hrs nia then go home). Specialists defined lan gaming as having a kind of drug effect on kids that makes them cannot live without it (Similar to me in the past, and let me tell you, that feeling ain't good). It's like how you love your girlfriend so much and she just needs to dissapear for a day to make you just feel like cutting off your throat.
This similar effect has happened to me, even at this age, just with a different situation. Mine relates to anime, not games. And now that they're gone, somehow, now that I can't touch them for the past 3 days already, the effects seem to be wearing off (Cool). Just that now I'm in a quiet room with no music? Guess my bro will be only too happy about that.
Chapter 2: The Off Day Of Misery
I was told by my mum that my brother sent my car for repair once at 9am and went hanging around till 6pm before coming back with the car repaired, well my thanks to him for that. Somehow that solved problem created yet another problem that required yet another time of sending it over. And it ain't particularly that I wanted to take an off day to send it for repair, just that my mum was in PMS mode once again and started bitching left and right did I just use it up and go send it over.
So my day started off sending off the car at 11am, and intel says it'll be done by 3-4pm, so not too bad this time. Went to queensway send the car, then follow mother go novena square makan, then we went our separate ways. (Like, I just remembered my mum wasn't the kind who had the energy to walk about much, so I told her to go home, but she went to club instead, so whatever.)
So I toured novena square, Alone, For the first time, took a good look at various stuffs, and my main aim was to really search for the duffel bag i've been looking for. Well now that i realize, it's really gonna be damn hard to find that kind of bag.
Took MRT down to redhill and 33 to queensway shopping centre n toured the whole darn place looking for the same bag, NONE! Went to anchor point, NONE~ then went to ikea. I basically toured the whole 3 shopping centres and missed out very few shops along the vicinity, just to waste hours of my time off. (Lonely~~~ I Am So Lonely~~~)
The bastard had to delay it till 6pm, so I added on a NTUC trip and finally decided to camp there early n Rest my poor legs. What an off day. I need some company man, too bad my companies are all busy.
After getting my car, I just consolidated my total spendings, and Shit~ was the result bad, $80 gone over several pieces of nonsense and a birthday present, tis the first time I got a birthday present 2 weeks in advance, not even my ex-GF had that kind of privillege sia =.=
And that marks the end of my off day, won't have any more off days popping by for the next 2 months I guess, but hell, that's life.
Chapter 3: I don't know why, But it seems I have a problem with Life
Well everyone carries on with life, everyone does their daily work, and somehow, my kind of life, when i consider myself occupied, is when i wanna play RPG games and watch anime and those kinda things. What I can never figure out, is when people are currently not doing anything, they normally find people to talk to, find rubbish to do, talk cock sing song, whatever. with the exception of yours truly. Tis kinda, retarded n funny, but whenever I'm not doing anything, I space out and wonder why I'm in this world, that I'm born only to die later, and in the end, always comes down to when u die, how the feeling actually comes. It's my one and only constant fear, death.
I mean, it's cool to be sleeping for damn long, but do we wake up and see ourselves in heaven/hell/somewhere(AT LEAST WE WAKE UP), or do we just, black out forever, and what happens after that? I mean, we're gone in this world? Sure our brain stops functioning, but our soul? Will it cease to exist? And will our "conscious" or whatever u would describe as your "Life" just Dissapear?
Chapter 4: Healthy/Unhealthy foods, U die by car accident, U die by disease, U die by age, U still die anyway.
Mum and me just had a nice talk about healthy/unhealthy food, and from what I see, everywhere talks about health, but not only the bad stuff. Yeah burnt food causes cancer, fried food this n that, heart disease, blah blah blah. What about the good stuffs? Even those damn food scientists say Vitamins can cause diseases, we'd go like WTF!? Now we can't even drink a glass of water and not worry that we'd drown or die of urination failure. So what the hell man? Here's my concept~ Too much of anything = not good right. So now u know lah.
Day 1 drink coke, day 2 drink water day 3 drink milk day 4 drink soya bean day 5 drink yakult day 6 drink vitagen day 7 drink ribena. Not too much of anything, Pass?
Eat also same lah, too much veggie also can die! So veggy eat day 1 3 5 7, meat eat everyday, but eat diff meat. Since they say fish also can kill, pork also can, might as well once a week lor.
Lampar lar, all these food scientists dunno they trying to be funny or what. They spend so much money on research only to keep putting on newspaper good/bad things, so in other words nothing is absolutely good, so what's the point of caring =.=
Keongster~ Posession Of a Life, a Brain, 2 Hands, 2 Legs, A normal body, Just blood problems, and a backache that comes constantly, why am i still not happy?
Posted by borny @ 7:34 PM
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Date: 10th June 2006
Time: 0934 Hrs
Situation: Tennis later. . . Sheesh
Mood: Half Dead, Fucked Up
Chapter 1: Going Ons In My Life
Time Just Flies, Before I Know It', I'm left with 9 months of Army to go through, and really, I'm still tight on my idea of what job to get. And for those who have no idea of what my future plan is, It's actually pretty simple.
ORD, Find a job, What kind of job? I'll mess around, I'll try the jobs offered around the country that doesn't need a profession. And I'll study part time at night. I'll just push for both together, at least knowing that I'm pumping money into the Pool of Resources(Too much gaming), I don't have much to worry about.
And now, today would be a very last minute and I-dunno-what-the-hell-i-should-do-today Mood. Early morning, yeah gotta hit tennis, cause afternoon i was just called in to play a match when i've not touched a tennis racket for weeks due to tekong.
So advising against using me as well as not planning to runaway anymore cause I was the screwball that screwed last season's Inter-club singles, I don't plan to repeat my mistake a 2nd time.
Here's what's really weird, I know where I need to go, I know what time I need to go, But i dunno how to plan what time I leave home, And how the hell to go. I've no vehicle, I refuse to take a taxi, So i'm left with Bus that I don't even know what number to take =.= That's Last minute for you.
Chapter 2: Go Figures, Keong Has Realized What's Been Ruining His Life
Anime's the answer. It's been a very long time since I watched any, as usual cause of tekong, 4 days ago I just began to "start" watching a 44-series anime and i just finished earlier this morning at 5am, no life? Yeah something like that.
As usual, once I'm done, it would start messing up my mind, giving me ideas on the real world and the way it works. For the information of those who don't understand, anime always talks about the inner emotions of humans and them breaking down somehow and end up rising again anyways. But the main point is, not many people around break down just as extreme as they do in anime, and they're not really as sensible and easily "convinced" too. It just so happens that animes always create a scene of extremity that will drive the "character" into desperation and last resort, which almost never happens in real life(To get this kind of extremity you got to somehow have the whole world turn its back on you or just have your whole family dissapear, not easy to achieve, and i don't think it should be called "achieve", maybe call it :Not easy to be THAT suey:)
So now that I'm done watching another whole new series, it somehow turned me emotional once again. Makes me think too much about the people around me AGAIN, and screws my mindset. And there I thought Tekong helped me out into having a better idea of people, now it's re-screwed back to messy mode.
Maybe I should just delete the whole damn thing, but then again . . . . Damn, it's my life.
I need a psychologist.
Chapter 3: Hell in Store Again
I actually told myself not to care about the lazy slackers in my store, but somehow my hatred just re-conjours up against my will, yes, I hate them once again, but I've yet to display it.
Seriously, For these 3 weeks since I returned from tekong, I've ignored their each and every move, work which they refuse to do, is none of my business. They've slacked the entire time, I don't care, but things turn really bad when their style turns in to Impede your work.
My life has been hard the past few days because of their unwillingness to work and extreme ability to escape work. I don't know why I have this kind of life but if it's fate, fate it shall be, and now that their laziness involves into getting me into tougher situations, is it my fault to hate them? I don't know, It's tiring to hate, but I can't help it.
~Keongster, I tried so hard to ignore, I tried not to care, But They're seriously Making my life hard. Why? Am I too unforgiving, Or are they just too much?~
Posted by borny @ 9:37 AM
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Date: June 3rd
Time: 1828 Hrs
Occasion: None in particular, Suntec City PC Show?
Situation: Very First Time I Went On A PC Show Exhibition With Father And Uncle, and NOT friends.
Conclusion: FUCK!!!! We Live In Totally Different Worlds.
Well first things first, it's been awhile, army has been cool ever since i simmered down on the "Why the fuck am i working and people are not" thingy and I've been getting along well with both the workers and the kengers. Overall, jeez, I don't care anymore. Master's entitlement to torture me lasts for the next 9 month and I'll stick with that concept permanently.
Chapter 1: Friends? I Have Many, With Many Backgrounds, Many Types, Many Personalities, and all sorts of patterns
Seriously, no matter whether you run into a jackass of a bitch, a super niceguy, a very nice fellar, U have gotta realize. They're not who you think them to be. It's extremely very vague a term to be talking about. You don't know what they are on the inside. Seriously.
It just so happens my close friends are those who shows their inside exactly the same as their outsides, some show it just in front of me, and i respect the way they do it (I'll consider that as them trusting me to keep my mouth shut).
But really, all types are everywhere. There's seriously no judging a book by its cover. Even when I start saying this guy's a fucking lazy pig, It'll apply only to today, even at the most, it'll apply to when he's around with me being somewhere close enough to observe him. There's no saying that just cause this fucker's lazy to do most of the work means he'll be an in-efficient worker outside.
Several terms apply to this kind of pattern. Why are they lazy infront of me? We term it lazy, they term it intelligent (Avoid Sai Kang, do or dun do, got benefit?). Some can even term it as brotherhood (One do, ALL do). I mean like, everyone has their concept of stuffs, and if this kind of disagreement happens all the time, Singapore would soon be fighting among themselves. In fact, the planet earth shouldn't be fighting among themselves, but we know this can never be stopped.
Chapter 2: Generation Gap? Huge Difference
Situation: PC Show
Case 1, Part 1: Keong goes out with friends, looks over everywhere, looks at things, if cheap n good, buy, if cheap but maybe not what we want, look around more, and finally come down n decide on one item and buy.
Case 1, part 2: Keong goes out with Father, he cuts straight to the brands he think are worth looking, and browses through very quickly with the various brands. Once he decided, he asks if Keong wants, Keong tells him, "Overbudget $200", he says "I Pay the $200" and with uncle's encouragement, decides to buy the same size TV with just better quality for an extra $200. Keong simply just kept quiet and shut up -.- (Yeah instead of $1200 in my budget, I now have to figure out how to give him $1600, I'm a dead man)
Case 2, Part 1: Keong wants a lappy, He looks around high and low, simlim square, websites, newspapers, and finally PC show, and looks at all the price and thinks "Hmmm $2000+ for pretty good one, Too ex, wait for price to drop"
Case 2, Part 2: Keong's dad wants a laptop, asks brother for comment, bro says samsung not bad. He goes straight to there and bargains his way around, even though he didn't get much, he just bought it like $$$ = Paper
Conclusion: We younger generation look at $$$ in 2 or 3 digits. They look at it in 4-5 digits -.-, Extra $400? NOTHING LAH!!! -.- WTF!!! $400 Is Like 1 MONTH OF MY PAY!!!
Seriously I have nothing to complain, I got a 26-inch LCD Tv in my room 3 days from now, but seriously, I don't feel good. Dad doesn't expect me to pay, But i'm forcing myself to, lest another internal struggle happens.
Since I was born, my brother is the one that buys stuffs, and I just get the old stuffs from him. It just became so habitual for me that I totally didn't bother to buy clothes, and it just came to the time where I HAD to buy, but had no FUCKING IDEA HOW!!!!
If my buddies could actually remember, first time I actually bought my own clothes was when i found out i prefered shorts, slippers and simple T-shirts, mostly buy from pasar malam since they're cheap.
2nd time i upgraded was when I had a presentation in TP, JH wanted to look at my most "Formal" attire, which the top and pants were from my brother anyway =p. He just simply went "WTF, that's not good enough, No long sleeve ah Keong?" And i just shook my head. Wahaha shock of his life, No leather shoes either. Wooha, shopping spree.
Come to think of it, the only 3 long sleeves i got in my wardrobe, 2 is he buy for me =p + the leather shoes he got for me, well, the one and only one. It was too nice i guess, until my bro stole it from me, I have no idea where it is now anyway, but it doesn't matter.
The rest of my dress sense went to become more style-smart was through sjai (Had to be him). Thanks to him, got my first pair of jeans, and some stylish tennis attire that really costed a bomb, but he got me quite a discount anyways.
I'm not used to spending large amounts of money, the only time i blow my parents' wallets is when I want a new computer, that's all, seriously. Now that I suddenly started getting an ipod and now a TV, i'm beginning to feel the pressure coming in.
Keongster~ Is My Life Really Good? I Don't Wanna Start Taking Advantage Of The Situation, It Ain't Healthy To Me~
Posted by borny @ 6:31 PM