Thursday, September 29, 2005
Early in the morning 6am, wonder why i'm so awake.
Well slept at 8pm and wokeup 4am, think i have such a 8-hr cycle that i can't sleep anymore than that.
Day by day, I realize that i'm understanding myself more and more, but the more i understand, the more i can't figure why i'm not correcting it. Not to mean that i'm not trying, but it just comes out some other day anyway. Are personalities things that are embedded into you that you just can't remove? If so, is there another alternative to actually hide these dark sides?
So what are these bad personalities in me that i'm actually trying to correct? It ain't something i can tell anyone, cause most of you already knew anyway, just that no one wants to say it out =.=, that's nice friends i have don't I . . . Well not to be sarcastic, but people always feel that by hiding their true feelings behind they're actually trying to be nice to them cause they're not letting them know some things which you feel they shouldn't really know about. That includes me with a certain incident pretty recent back there, but that has seriously made me alot open right now.
So open that i'm actually opposing my IC in store right now. Not to be offensive, but it seems to me now that whatever i'm not happy with, I'll avoid it at all costs. And right now it seems to me that i've just taken enough shit from that loudmouth who can play with people's handphones, mess with his laptop, and go to sleep while throwing me 3 assignments at one shot. So i'm his underdog, fine. So I should do all these stuffs to give myself more experience, fine. While that lardass sits in his desk connecting to the internet chatting in MSN and doing his schoolwork? I mean, what the hell? I've heard of people who grumble over school work. I've never heard of people who push all work to their surbodinates, does his school work during work hours, claiming he has loads of work to do, and grumbles about it. That's a pretty retarded way of organizing himself.
I was actually quite happy when i heard i was about to be relieved from my position. Not to mention being demoted would make me quite sore, but I was actually damn happy that I need not clean up shit created from him any longer. But somehow I feel that was just a threat to get me to work =.=, and being relieved wouldn't actually happen at all, not at this kind of time either. I guess i have the face of easily getting bullied too much. One of these days I think i should try some stunts. I believe i'm the most gullible of em all, that's why i end up just listening to stupid orders.
Keong~ Given time, I'll become heartless and ruthless. . . Towards people of the similar kind.
Posted by borny @ 6:04 AM
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Monday, September 26, 2005
A whole lot of things happened during these past few days, and while i'm at it, I figured out a few more things about myself that are actually pretty admirable for a dumbass like me.
For one, I felt like a perfectionist trying to get the best out of something. That's also when i realized that I am actually too demanding to myself and my work. Place my army life for example, I just seem to take the initiative to complete things that are undone, and while i'm at it, i normally get the stuffs from the other fellars to relax myself as it ain't in a hurry at all. Towards the end, it does seem like the stuff that i've spent so much time and effort doing, isn't really all that important and can actually be ignored.
Even during the inter-club and all. Okay it's true i felt a little sore that some particular fellars got into B grade while i'm still in D, but there's really nothing to talk about if I think about the performance i gave to the club for the past few years. Shit, that is. More importantly, uncle steven decided to play me about by giving me vice-captain role along with a pretty mature captain. Apart from him being in his thirties(my guess) and me being 20, the rest just look 13-16 to me. Well they are if you actually look at em.
Okay so i'm Vice-cap, captain should be doing the stuffs, but it just seems to me that I just felt the need to do tons of research on every single player and all and create the "best" team from what the team has to get the highest chance of winning. Even all these sounds unnecessary, and I've also been getting tones from people that i'm getting too serious about all these kinda things. That's when i actually really wonder if I should go for what I want, or actually listen to these people and don't care so much. Being bochup in the past, it's actually damn easy to just don't care =.=
So what do i feel? It's my time anyway, not that i'd be consuming any other people's times. And i was thinking since we're at it, might as well give it our best shot. No fucking point for the club to pay money for us to enter matches and sponsor us stuffs and get us to play if we're just gonna get in there and monkey around. At least show some gratitude or something. I feel this research is worth it, and i'm gonna go ahead with it. And if they're not happy =.= By all means, Don't give me V-cap =.= I'm better off being a man giving suggestions and taking orders, not making decisions =).
While I've got my perfectionism coming right up, i've also got some pretty neat advice from certain people who'd just suggest that the jobs that suit me best would be toilet cleaner, road sweeper or whatever else. Think it'd be cool if i'm in some petrol station washing cars. I loved doing those shits when i was a kid =.= Which also brings me to wonder what the hell degrees are for. Show =.=.
Yeah local Unis like NUS and NTU. Funny why it's so fucking hard for poly students to get in (slightly easier for JC though) but you still get loads of foreigners in it? It's the damn money i tell you. It's so fucking easy for a foreigner to get in there, just needa get some mediocre results and pass some fucking "You-Understand-England-Or-Not" and "Can-U-Tok-England?" papers and just pass and ok you enter the damn U. It's getting ridiculous. I don't have to be in a U to see how these foreigners(Locals too tho) actually study in there. I'm in no position to criticize them though cause i do the same jackshit as they do. As the saying goes, you can't cheat a cheat. So whatever jackshit tactics they apply in uni is definetely old history to me.
History of my SIP with my dear chinamate, always ask me for help. Asking a knowledgeless fellow for help is definetely his last resort =.=
Bigger question for me is, the degree i'm aiming for, sports science? Is actually outta pure interest. From what i see, that degree doesn't help me in anyway. It's just that knowledge that i wanna know. For that i even need to BOTHER to find a damn university that is recognized? It feels crappy ya know, but that's the world as it is, so where do i begin? Is my time running out? Or should i just study for a part time degree right now? I'm really not the type to do decision making, it's no wonder my mum just sent me to poly with some course i've never held and interest into and just went on with it for the full 3 years and found out it was a total waste of time in the end.
What does my future hold? Is it the coincidence, the determination, the luck, the research, or the decisiveness that makes the difference. There's alot more to it though, and if you ask me, the best way out is still to go with the flow of time and just try to make a decision towards the end.
And sometimes i really wonder if my friends out there actually waste so much time thinking about these kinds of things like what i am right now, or maybe they're not as indecisive and hesitant as me =.= *Just Do It* eh . . . Maybe i should do just that.
Ah Keong~ More army tomorrow. . . . When will it end. . . .
Posted by borny @ 1:11 AM
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Sometimes, do we really wonder what the hell we are doing lying in camp doing what we're told to do and getting paid peanuts for it, but it's all part of national service. I just wonder why they don't want someone like me who desires to go out there with a rifle shooting somebody and instead put me in a storeroom to do paperwork and laugh at my fellow storemates.
They've all been like family to me up till now, so it's actually feels great to be in there, apart from the fact that you have to wakeup every morning with the "Why the hell must i wakeup so early just to do some stupid work again sheeshhh" thingy, and my very first OC's "TODAY IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER WONDERFUL DAY" Definetely isn't working since it's just practically deceiving yourself since you know jolly well what you're gonna do in camp.
So what's on my next topic? This would be something everyone has to realize, and try to implement no matter the situation. I know this has been said many times, but the human brain processes differently from what it remembers. The good points are always stored in the folder called "Preaching terms" and are not used unless towards other people, and they're not normally applied to the folder "Me, Myself and I".
Today's main point, one should always try to be at the center. What do i mean, as in whatever you do, not too much, not too little. Simple examples. In tennis, u try too hard to winner a shot, you blast it out, you try too little, need i say more? It even applies to behavior, like somewhat, you know you're improving and you have, and you get complacent, thinking you're much better. Ah-uh, or you probably think you're a weakling and don't really have the motivation to go up anymore.
From both totally different examples the situation is such as both too much or too little isn't really gonna work well at all. It can actually go to many other examples. Too much water = bloated and vomit, too little water = dehydration. The issue is to know your limitations to everything. Main point "Carried off". People always tend to get carried off with things they do, and when that happens, probably it can be said that the "balance" is disrupted and something happens.
So watch your asses dudes, real-time examples would be going too far with a joke with other people or not being able to control yourself for whatever reason applicable. Simple logic but practically impossible to implement, all i can do is to give you guys + myself a gentle reminder =).
Sai Kang Sai Kang Sai Kang~~~~
Pte Wong W.K
Posted by borny @ 11:21 PM
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
*Ahem*
And there we go the next topic of the day, proudly brought to you by Keong da g-u-l-l-i-b-l-e.
Well uh, let's talk about, the realities of life.
So what of reality, uhhh money is everything, uhhh dog eat dog world etc. etc.?
As you all know, people of my age, are very close to being into the working society or are already in the working society (Girls who have no army and never enter university yet). So in this working society, is it actually the same as it applies in uhhh, study life? Like, you know, suck up to teacher, teacher like you give u better marks and all kinda thing?
So to simplify what i'm trying to say a little, is it really true that the most recognized people are those who bootlick, suckup, boast or whatever alot? I'm not really one to agree, but heh, you know this is the closest to what i think a work situation's actually like.
From what i really think, a person(Anybody) thinks simply this way. Imagine i am e boss, got person X and Y. X is a dilligent worker who works veri hard, but his problem is he fucks up once in awhile. Y is a stupid slacker who probably works only when boss is around and he does alot of bootlicking and sucking up. And he is also extremely quick to push responsibilities and faults to others, making it seem like he's done nothing wrong.
From the boss point of view, it's obvious that X works very hard, but it's due to those few fuckups that make him difficult to rely on to do important stuffs. So in this sense, if i was the boss, i'd give him to do simple shits and stuffs that people can afford to fuckup in.
On the other hand, since Y is doing all e bootlickin n stuffs, and being quick to push blames away from himself, it makes him seem like he has, no fault, but confirm will have people paotoh, unless the boss is really dumb enough not to notice at all.
Stating the points from above, u know these points don't really affect a boss's decision. Because from what i feel, man is fickle. Ever heard of short thrills? Like, Y just had a chat with boss and made boss feel like he's so intelligent and all, so at that time, since they're so fren-fren like, boss will trust Y more. In other words, it actually depends on that point of time. It might be a little difficult to understand but hell, lemmie think.
Ok put in my poly life, i everytime study like fuck, dunno this dunno that. Who to find for help? That's a really good question, normally i would just find nat the intelligent bugger, but if i happen to see some other fellar who ain't so intelligent teaching so confidently, i'd think "Man he knows his work" and i'd probably ask him as well. It's the thing at THAT point of time as to who you feel is capable of helping you out.
Which also means that Y would actually stand out more than X since Y makes boss happy more often than X with all e bootlickin. But to note that man don't remember the good things, but remember the bad ones extremely well. So depending on the amount and intensity of fuckups you did in the past, boss might not even bother to find you anymore (You're FIRED! =X).
Which also means that since X is such a fuckup while Y actually fucks up often but pushes blame to others, Y would stand out even more.
Is that a real work situation? Actually it seems that way to me. . I'm not sure, never really been in one, but i do feel that you'd normally rely on the person who you feel is the closest to you at that point of time, so as long as this bugger successfully makes you happy, you'd just go for him. Then some other day you hang arnd less with this bugger n more with sum other bugger again, you'd go to that other bugger.
Like i say, man is fickle. When you don't like a person, you'll dislike everything he does and you'll manage to find an excuse to dislike his actions, while you just need to know him better next week to end up being his best friend =.= That's how easily the human mind shifts from one end to another.
~~~~~~~~~~End Of Transmission~~~~~~~
b33p
Posted by borny @ 1:33 AM
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Tuesday, September 13, 2005
You know, something weird really happened yesterday to myself. For those who had watched russel peters and knew how funny a fellar he was, I kinda got a little habit of using his accent.
So yesterday i was just rummaging through my harddrive lookin through pieces of information that people sent me that i'd missed for a long time. What did these include? Well a unknown clip sent to me by a familiar person at who-knows-when and who knows what that clip meant, a 7-minute clip on the process of getting rid of my long hair, and it sure was enjoyable, and lastly, my photos of the birthday party i had this year at zen.
So what of the photos? I just looked around and uhh heh, it's pretty cute saying it myself, but i do find myself looking extremely retarded in that picture with my long hair, rabbit teeth and acting-drunk pattern. It was so stupid i just pointed to my monitor and imitated russel "Now That, Is Disgusting!" Be it i've become senile or something, i still find it funny for me to do that when i'm all alone in my room.
Ok serious business, Keong's next research topic (U ever realize it's getting more and more reliable, i just needed to get fucked more)
Do unto others what you want others to do unto you (If that's what i remember in the bible, it should be right)
Look, the whole load of crapshit society probably knows this phrase, and those who don't give a shit, carry on not giving a shit please. Those who do give a shit about it, i believe you fellars do understand what these means, and that you know that it's so damn logical.
But guess whatttttt..... This phrase is actually absolutely disposed of in all kinda situations. No one practically remembers it, no one practically cares! Based on experience, people only remember it on ONE situation, preaching to others. Saying preaching to others actually sounds damn nice already. To make it blunt, it's acting so righteous and smart and all.
Well even with preachers all over with that stupid logic, barely anyone actually applies it. Stress makes it an excuse to ask people to fuck off, authority makes it an excuse for people to overrule you as and when they like.
No one likes getting screamed at, beaten, scolded etc. But no one realizes that they do it too. Everyone knows damn well what that phrase means, and everyone hopes for that phrase to be implemented (note the word hope). With the exception of some people like Osama or Saddam who probably kills people cause they love it and can't wait to die or just having fun putting their lives at stake.
So u know, it ain't about "He did it to me, so why should i fucking care about him?" It ain't about who started it, do what you can, tolerate what you can, he makes my life miserable, i make his miserable too? It's no wonder there's no end of misery all over the place.
Has anyone realized anyway that uhhhh, blogs are getting into newspaperS? with racist adverts and all? That's what i heard at least, but see what i told you guys, blogs are the best places to vent your anger without any physical damages =p. See, even the newspaper admitted that, cooooooolllllll. But hell, this approach ain't getting anywhere. . . So less anger = a better me = a better world by 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% =D
~ When i get the fucking courage to fucking confront you, I definetely will do it~
Ah Keong
Posted by borny @ 10:03 PM
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Monday, September 12, 2005
Guess it's been a month and so, not much i can really relate about myself, since i consider them all to be pretty retarded and stuffs.
Like i've always been emphasizing, in a dispute, knowing the situations on both sides normally brings out the situation on both sides, and to say the truth, I do remember certain situations when i tried being a mediator of those kinda arguments, and i thought i was good. Nope I hell wasn't.
My current view on such stuffs now? Actually, there are very few situations where a side alone has much to be blamed. Most disputes are still disputes because both sides actually fail to understand each other's feelings and thoughts. They (Or prefably, I) consistently feel that they're actually right in what they're doing, and you can't relate to them being blind, it's more towards (Why should it go their way?).
People are stubborn by nature, refusing to give in to situations, they feel they're right here and there, and they'll go to means to make it feel that they're right. Everyone's actually the same, first they argue, when both sides are deadlocks, they go to their friends and talks about the topic, and tries to persuade their friends to agree to make them feel better. If they don't succeed, they'll just find other friends, and if they don't succeed in anybody, they'll just feel everyone just doesn't like him and all. That's the cycle of excuses a regular person will come up with.
Even with such a cycle, there's always an ending, and the ending normally relates with time. Time flies, both parties gradually feel it's a little in-convenient for both sides not to talk to each other etc. and depending on who's the more humble one, will start the ball rolling, once it rolls, the friendship just simply returns.
Even when talking about human stubbornationity, there just happens to be the exact opposite of it, which i realized i recently just had a few incidents of becoming into. A wimp. By nature of realizing my own lack of knowledge of this world, i've begun to listen more to what people have to say, and begun believing in whatever i hear, be it the truth or a lie, it's better than not knowing anything.
Thus building up from this foundation, when things don't normally go well with me and other people, i somehow become the guilty party (By my own free will). If you actually understand what i mean, it's the almost ready feeling to just tell the judge "Your Honor, I would like to plead guilty" even though the reason which you figured you're guilty isn't really all that applicable after all.
So in these series of events brings in another questionable inquiry about society. Which of it is actually better? Being stubborn or submissive? Both ways sure don't sound feasible, and they're not long term solutions even though it's been applied all over the world by many. Of course a whole lot of people would be saying "The Middle Of Course! Know your faults and know his, always find a peaceful solution to everything." And if you're capable of that, seriously you're a top-notch student to be a counsellor in future, because regardless of age, i would safely assume at least 98% of society does it in the 2 ways listed above.
Logic, does it really matter? We've been in this world long enough to know that logic can easily be warped by words. White becomes black, right becomes wrong. That all depends on the ability of the speaker.
People who think they're right try too hard to make it look like they are.
People who think they're wrong just simply absorbs it all and thinks it's the best way out.
Lately my life has just returned back to leave-me-alone mode. With work experiences and all. Sometimes it just gets irritating when people think storemen are slack.
4 months in Hendon, as a storeman. I've gone through commercial stocktake with them and are now on the process of preparing for LRI. Slack periods? I've seen em. Stress periods? Yeah of course.
What have i seen in these past 4 months? In my entire store of 1 woman and 8 men, only 1 person and he alone has yet to go on PMS mode. The rest had actually had experience of screaming all over store and losing his temper, and that includes me. Is that proof enough how stress we are?
Stress, seriously in the past I was just saying to people like Mikey "Stop acting like your fucking kid and pms all over and expect us to shower you with care and concern, who do you think you are, throwing your temper all over us and expecting us to tolerate it just cause ya pisseD?"
Now it's actually just common, not many people are good with stress-handling. I actually think i'm ok, just that certain people just don't do the right things at the right time. Just imagine you're down there stressing yourself out while this fellar still has so much free time to be shooting rubber bands at you. See what i mean? Not really much to blame though.
I had to admit the most stress would be the fellar's name being called out the most, BENNY CHEE!! Knowing too much can be a problem at times, but i suppose he needs to understand his current position with the situation at hand, so i suppose he has got to learn how to counter this stress factor.
On the other hand, I've been facing work that i really don't enjoy doing. And this work is what i call cleaning up people's mess. I always feel there's a difference with doing a new piece of work and cleaning up the shit people create, something like in CEN you write a new program or you clean up a fucked up program. To be honest the more stressful and pissing one is the fucked up program, because you have to pinpoint the problem and practically find a solution, and the more irritating is that he's not cleaning up himself but you!
Ever wondered how i came up with that nice lil reasoning right at the start of this post? It was actually through my IC. I dunno if i should blame him. I used to be blaming him pretty directly "Tmd all his fault" and all. He doesn't do much, he drops most of the work to me, even when he drops his "assigned" work, there always ends up to be more because it'll tend to screw up since things didn't quite go as planned. He'll just ask me to clean up anyway and all.
So it simply looks to me he's just sitting there shaking leg while i'm struggling. But actually outside, he's a pretty niceguy. To put it honestly, he's a totally different person outside of work.
Information gathered from him simply suggests that his mood is currently in a "I sibei sian of doing the same fucking shit for so long liao" Mood since he's gonna ORD in 4 months time and all. It's understandable to that point that he'd have such a mood, but it seriously ain't gonna do leaving all the shit behind to us to clean up?
Work stress? U know i've realized how people can easily ask others for help to clean up their work fast and so they can slack off. I don't know why i work like this either, but I don't want help. I figured i'm just getting a little too tired cleaning up people's messes so i'd do it myself and i'd know the problem at least if something goes wrong. Obviously it ain't a good approach but there ain't much more mess to be desired after the whole load of mess i've cleaned up since i arrived. I'm not rubbish boy, mind you.
And even when done with work, I have to go home and look at my parents' face and all they say is "U ask yourself how much time you spend with us?", and refuse to let me go outside to enjoy and expect me to stay at home and rest. I just don't know how to put it to them that I need my relax time outside and that the things they actually talk about irritate me more than help me. Up till now, i still have failed my duties as a son to make them trust me, or actually if they're too protective.
These few days of being sick at home actually made me realize that I've been at home for the past few weeks pretty often. I've not met up with quite a few of my friends, vastly cut down my outings with sjai and all, and staying at home occupying myself with anime n games. The advantage of storeman stuffs too. Stress at work, go home relac relac, coz cannot tapao work home hmmmmmm.
So i guess there's actually a bright side to everything huh =.=
Feels boring that i hafta work again tomorrow. . .sheesh.
Cya~
Ah Keong~
Posted by borny @ 4:57 PM
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