Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Topic Of the day: Random Updates, Hell. I've got nothing particular to say.
Job seeking really gets tiring by the day. Call and call, resumes here and there, none of them actually gets back to me. I tried calling back one of the same companies, all they said was "We don't leave anyone out, and we only call back those selected, so you're not one of them".
Fuck, whatever, this is something that we can never give up on. Just give up living meh. I think i'll just have to compromise and go for jobs not to my liking, after i try another few more weeks.
Tennis coaching has started to become a problem, I don't feel I'm good. I look at many mistakes but I always overlook the fricking basics. That's just so Keong, *sigh*
I've been re-accessing my friendship circle again, and duh, I'm around with Jon so much until I totally neglected everyone else. When I think of JH or FB, I think of the two who put in the most effort to bring me to what I am now. And at that same point of time, somehow I feel I have a barrier with both of them.
I don't stick around FB often these days, and even if I do, they're pretty casual. I've lost it, he'd rather hang around with other people than me, and that says alot. That ain't all, I'm actually unhappy with him. Whatever the hell's going on, I don't know.
I don't feel like bugging jh these days either. It's like each time I find him it's help I seek, it feels really stupid. So stupid that I think I need to do something on my own for now, even if it means fucking up stupidly.
My mum just went on a rage yesterday too, totally unhappy that I wasn't home for an entire day and convinced that I never bothered to find a job, which I totally proved wrong, well. It's ended anyway, so we're at peace temporarily again.
Just today I visited Jon's grandmother and grandfather, as well as his aunt. Feels damn weird sitting in a hotel room watching 4 indos speaking some alien language, but haha, it was a hearty chat, and yeah, It showed me much about family that I don't have in mine.
Dad went in to hospital today as well, apparently he couldn't walk, so he's staying in there now after I delivered him his stay-over equipment, whatever it is, I hope he gets out of there soon. I think it'd only last 2 days at most.
While in hospital, I saw this girl, well, she wasn't attractive, not pretty, not really one anyone would talk about, but somehow, she attracted me, and she got me thinking bout her. By now I could already figure out the kind of girls I like, so I wasn't really suprised, but hell, first minute see her took a liking to her.
Problem is, I don't know her, she don't know me, and seriously, I doubt I'll see her ever again, and I guess I'd forget what she looks like in another 2 days time, so I guess I've officially wasted another chance again. No fate, No fate~
~KeongSterZ~ Life, Always about the challenges, it takes courage and effort to get something you want, and I don't have either~
Posted by borny @ 1:20 AM
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Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Topic of the day: Bad day it was. Really Crappy
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the bloody dog that's so adorable but costed everyone so much bloody money. May I Present, Jon's Dog, BAMBI zZzZz
Yes, this bloody dog Bit off my wallet and left it in half today. Thank god it didn't chew my money and my fricking cards. Last i knew she bit off one of my slippers as well. She bites anything she sees, what the hell!!!
~KeongSterZ~ Such An Expensive Dog, Such Expensive Taste Too. ZZzzZz
Posted by borny @ 1:56 AM
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Sunday, May 20, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Giving Up Was Always The Easiest Option Out Of Everything. Too bad I've used my all my giveup tokens.
I've found a new job for myself. It seems in my daily routine of job-search, I've not just found jobs for myself, but for others as well. As to really finding one, haha all I've been through so far was just interviews at most, no one's really got back to me yet. Of course I don't think I should be expecting much, at least I'm still getting some cash weekly.
Anyway, I really wonder if I should do full time and stop my coaching on the weekdays, it might be drastic for changes to my lifestyle, but I guess that's the norm right? Haha get a full time job and all, unless I'm like Sjai, dealing with students all day and taking in a huge amount of money monthly. Haha currently if I look at my current coaching, let's say I'm taking in like $600 monthly.
Putting that aside, the best satisfaction was this week, now I feel like have alot of money, but haha, I don't actually, I haven't repaid my debts to the people I borrowed money from, so yeah, got a lil bit of extra money to lose to mahjong too =p.
Who would have known too, months ago I told myself that I couldn't runaway anymore, cause I couldn't afford to. I've been escaping reality far too long, so whatever challenges that came by, I took it without consideration. Similarly to this saturday, Sjai had reservist, so he asked me to takeover his lesson for the PDPs. I accepted his request on tuesday and regretted it till saturday.
I would say it was bad, but at least the lesson was still carried on, my top priority. I don't care how they think of me, I only care I'm not destroying his reputation. It's like what JH told me "I Ask u to work cause I believe u can do it, i won't anyhow ask some chapalang cockster to work when I know that fucker will just slack, it will ruin my reputation also leh."
Similarly, I felt the same with Sjai's situation, so I was pretty glad I didn't screw up much. Sigh of relief + sense of satisfaction. Ordeal over =p.
Today was just exceptionally boring, haha, well It's a stay-home sunday, and I haven't stayed home for a whole day for months now. It a sense of satisfaction + sense of sianzation. Haha, it just means the poly dudes are starting to have their work clogged up so much I can't be relying on them for company now. At least I'm dealing with it by still job-searching and all. Hope I find something that interests me.
~KeongSterZ~ I'm happy with one true friend, than a hundred friends~
Posted by borny @ 7:58 PM
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Thursday, May 17, 2007
Topic of the day: Mysteries, Pathways, Problems, So many of em.
Between my path of study and work, I planned to consult many people, but hell, the 3 I trusted the most, My Mum, JH, and Shan, gave me the same answer after I gave them a full explanation on my situation. Haha, Work. There's really nothing more to be said. And to be honest, I totally agree with them.
Psychology was just an interest that was in me when I started being a loner at the age of 13. I studied people because I was curious why people behave, display behavior as such on certain situations. And now, I could understand most of the time what they're thinking, mainly because I have done many of those myself. Like in Dota "Only the maphackers know who the maphackers are". Similarly in here, Gotta experience it yourself to know what others are thinking.
Going further into the study factor, I've received questions like "Will you be using your degree in the end?" "Are you sure there's a market for it?" "Are you sure you want to be a psychologist to the end?" I cannot answer at all. It just means I'm not sure.
Final bottomline is "You already regretted taking your diploma, you cannot regret taking your degree anymore", so I guess the decision's final. Work it shall be, the degree can wait.
Currently the sandcastle thing has rejected me, so what the hell. It's $12.50 an hour, which is like, hard to come by, but then, haha too bad again. I sense alot of future problems will come out when it comes to me finding work. As what i've always said, I guess I have to quickly catch up with society and make myself useful.
~KeongSterZ~ I know what I do best, helping people. And I Know What I'm worst at. Helping MYSELF~
Posted by borny @ 12:55 AM
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Topic of the day: Many Many Challenges I Face, And My Final Step, Will Decide The Rest Of My Path.
I've been deep in thought the past 3 days. Everything I do, it seems like heaven wants to tell me something. It's just too coincidental, and then again, it might just be a sign.
Sunday was the sandcastle thing, I already mentioned that Jon, Glenn and Weiwen left early, Fiona and me left at the end. The debriefing was basically what they said about the kind of people they're looking for, so basically they're saying they observed us while we were sandcemetry building and would choose a handful to shortlist.
Basically this was what the big boss said
1)If you're the kind who walk around in high heels, and damn afraid of sand, you're not the kind we're looking for.
2)If you're the kind who looks scary, don't look pleasant and helpful, then you're not the kind we're looking for.
3)If you're the kind who we see walking around helplessly dunno what to do cannot do anything, then you're not the kind we're looking for.
And then we all went home.
Monday afternoon, I went coaching with Shah, I sat at the squash court for 20minutes and saw my own reflection along the glass, very clearly. There I saw an ahbeng, looking damn sialan, very un-presentable, very sloppy, very bengish basically. Then I thought to myself "Am I really that likeable? I have many friends along my circle, and a handful of true friends, who I always trusted"
I thought deeply again, and I knew what was going on. It was exactly what I thought, My image totally looked crappy, it's just that the people I call friends know me on the inside already, and no longer judge me externally.
Tuesday, intel came in on the sandcastle, Jon/Glenn/weiwen got chosen, Fiona and me didn't (Exactly what I thought). Jon's face is very approachable and he's a cheerful person. Glenn and wen prolly didn't look as approachable as jon, but they're both funny. Haha Fiona's clumsy and panics easily so I won't say she's suited to be a leader. As for me, Hahahaha, It just further reinforces the fact that I got alot to improve on. Reality wouldn't accept me jez cause I'm nice on the inside, it's no wonder I only work for friends.
Haha to be honest, I really can't stand seeing my own face on the mirror, I've been far too comfortable with my slacker lifestyle and far too "dun care them la" with my bad behavior, bad presentability and so on. I have started off late, I have much more to improve, and sad to say, I do not have much time =.=
All's left for me is to make my decision, to study, or not to study. I'm going to go mass consultation on that, I've heard JH's comment, I'd like to hear what everyone else I've trusted to see what they have to say. And my time limit? 3 more weeks only.
~KeongSterZ~ Too Far Behind~ Gotta Catch Up, Really Quickly~
Posted by borny @ 3:21 AM
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Monday, May 14, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Bad People Do Not Necessarily Have Bad Traits.
As time passes by, I've come to realize that people born with my idea of what a "fucked-up" mind set is all about isn't really all that bad in reality.
I've come across a person I know pretty well, he's dishonest, he's a perfect liar, he's irritating, he's thick-skinned, he's a backstabber, and to summarize it all, he's just a jackass. He has pissed countless people off, but towards the end, he still thinks he's right.
Gradually, I've realized that all his fucked-upness sum up together, actually benefits him so much that he's pretty much in a better position than I am in terms of social stature, somewhat, his character puts him in an advantage over my "I try not to lie", I'm a niceguy so I'll not remember bad things, and so on.
In psychological terms, people want to see confidence, they want people to BE fucked up, so that they can talk their way through, bullshit their way through, etc. And even though many people probably hate him behind his back, at least his job position wouldn't be that badly jeopardized. Or that is what I'm just thinking, well I suppose I'd just carry on my nothing-better-to-do investigation and see what pops out the next time huh.
Anyway, Today is sunday, May 13th, training/audition for sandcastle building. Basically just about helping out a sandcastle building organization aimed to help team bonding, family bonding etc, especially helping the disabled and all etc. It's a charity organization as far as I see it, but it's sponsored by government so we get paid anyways.
So Keong was there along with glenn/jon/weiwen and fiona who came extremely late. They taught us how to use the tools, the basis of building, and sent us off to build already.
Having no basic knowledge, we anyhow humtum some layout and randomly placed staircases here, walls there, etc. And according to the boss of the organization, our "sandcastle" was more of a "SandCemetry". Just to let u guys see, this is what we built, along with 2 other guys. . . .
The back of the sandcastle, done by glenn/jon/weiwen, Revamped by Keong and Fiona after they left for laguna matches and boss was still bitching about it looking like a cemetry.
This is the front, done by Keong, and the 2 guys, Roy and someone else. If you're wondering bout Fiona, she was running around laughing and getting sand thrown at her by everyone else.
I trying to pose like JH they all can~? Even tho I not nice enough. . . . .
Just check out the differences between other people's castles, and OURS!
Haha for some reason, Glenn was damn obsessed with the staircase building tool, Jon screwed up anything he used, cuz they nvr listen to instructions, he and wen keep pouring water into the containers =.= And all of us forgot to squeeze the sand together.
That was all for the day, rest of the day was at Laguna watching people play. Haha, sandcastle building is fun =D.
~KeongSterZ~ I got no childhood, sorry ar =D~
Posted by borny @ 12:45 AM
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Thursday, May 10, 2007
Topic Of The Day: So long no post right? Simple reason, because they're all complaints, and I think maybe it's time I stop complaining. Haha, But i'd assume it'd only last a few weeks the most.
Well, much has happened over the few days (Obviously). Firstly, Saturday's paintball Pictures Are out =D. Special thanks to Fiona for taking her own sweet time, Haha, nah actually she fell sick, well, stupid girls don't know when to rest.
Haha, not much this time round, but here's just to show who played this time round.
TopLeftCorner: Michael Gui Poh Mun: Currently Serving Government National Service, Training To not be a boboshooter, bloody sprayer of the team.
FrontLeftCorner: Elizabeth Tam (Refuses to tell me her chi name, wadeva), Girlfriend of Michael, Went into battlefield and came out shoes clean, nothing more needed to be said =p.
Nexttopleft: Timothy Cheah, regular player, smart play this time, Tough nut to go against, but nevertheless, not as skill as mervyn.
Nextbottomleft: ME! KeongSter! Kana own only, cannot win army boy la, stupid mervyn, kanina.
TopleftinArmyAttire: Mervyn Lee Mingwei, Star player of the day, kanina, everything in army context he use until whoever's team he on win clean sweep.
TopCentre: Kelvin Yong, Regular As well, kana own jialat jialat by Mervyn hahahaha
TopCentralRight: Fiona Tan Li Ting, Proclaimed Best player of the day by the staff, garang, chiong without gun, jez cuz other pple no bullet, I think the stupid staff just likes her, narbeh, merv and me come out shoe super dirty he nvr say go say she garang, pui!
BottomrightEnd: Jonatha Surya Yang Gan Chen~ Regular Dickhead, haha nothing much said about him, I think he needs to experience army.
Topright2ndlast: Asriel, Idiotic bastard, shoot me everytime i walking towards respawn point, fucker say i nvr raise hand, pui, i kana so mani times, he so mani times nvr see, pajiao!
Toprightend: Tay Wei Wen, fellow specs-wearer, bth both of us keep on kana specs foggy lanlan cannot c shit. sucks man.
Bottomline: Mervyn kena 1 huge bruise point blank on the stomach (HE WEARING LONG 4!)
I kana the most, 5 bruises, only 1 was frontal leg injury, the remaining 4 is on the back (BLOODY ASRIEL), 2 on my ass, 1 on my arm, 1 on leg. CB sadist aim ass one.
The Vests we wear for paintball damage filter on torso, really works, itch nia.
Paintball Guns? they use nitro to propel the bullets out to fly far. cool.
What's the most important? The face lor, stupid masks damn tight la, everytime my specs fog up inside one. But helps alot too.
For my personal life, I have just been running around classifieds searching for jobs, part time mainly, found this sandcastle thing which was really interesting and that many people tagged along with me, we'll see how it goes this sunday.
Cause of my job search too, I had to change the way I looked, I cut my hair last monday, and I look like a fool now, everywhere's short except the backhair still long, and just today I made 2 new pairs of metallic specs. Haha~ Cost me a bomb man zZzZz.
Much has happened around me too, and I gradually found out that I am actually a very dangerous person, because I study people, and I realize that knowing what people are thinking isn't good, because it's what they want to hide, and you know, I don't think I want people knowing what I'm thinking in there too. So I figured I shouldn't talk anything about the insides of others, haha.
Coaching season has begun again, currently got a new customer, and Shah's lesson is beginning again, so I guess I can see some money rolling in, no more full time for me I guess.
Lagunas will be this saturday as well, and also something fucking big to me, but haha, there's no point right? So I guess I'll just say bye in my mind and hopefully in the future I'd be mentally ready to face it.
~KeongSterZ~ Everyone Wants Attention, Can You Just Give It To Them~?
Posted by borny @ 11:34 PM
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Friday, May 04, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Keong's Up And Early, Taking Life Seriously And Moving On With Life (About Time Motherfucker)
Well, I just decided to get up early and check out the straits times classified and see if there were any jobs I could apply for. Sadly enough, it's a shocker to me when I found so many choices in thursday's one but none on friday, WTH.
Starting 9am I believe I'll start making phone calls to various places and see if they'd accept a vulgur long hair bastard. Hahaha. Ok, Of course I'd cut off the vulgaraties and see how it goes. Maybe even cut my hair if it's absolutely necessary.
Yesterday was the talk of hell. Talkin to many many people over many many different issues, multitasking shithole man. Bottomline was, too much is happening around me, I wonder why I still got so much time to bother about people when I can't even take care of myself now, always need people to fuck my ass up before I make a move, nice life I have. I guess that's the true gist of people that care huh.
~KeongSterZ~ Life Just Gets Sadder By The Minute~
Posted by borny @ 8:05 AM
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Thursday, May 03, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Theories, Assumptions, Guesses. Not Good Enough, I NEED ANSWERS.
Today I went to traffic police headquarters with Maria N Weiwen, because of a certain somebody. I read a nice little message, ok, Many nice lil messages:
Fairness: Fairness Is not about how you break even, it's about how you play fair against an unfair opponent.
Patience: Patience is a gift. You don't get the chicken by breaking the egg. You get the chicken by hatching it.
Or somewhat they're just damn close =p, I dunno.
Lately I've been forcing myself to get to the bottom of a mystery. Well, to the extreme that I have to approach people for intel, and obviously, these individuals will just ask the hell's going on. And I hope I could just trust them to keep their mouths shut =D.
Feeling like a detective, Keong? Actually not, I'm just really curious. I want answers to a person's heart, thinking, reason for abnormal behavior etc. I don't wanna assume, but that's all I can do right now. No answers.
Well anyway, I think I have reason to be happy. I finally talked to her, for fucking long too. But well, I know it just confirms that it is the end, and that I should move on. I would really appreciate if she just dun ask so much about me, it's like false hope sia =.=
Right on with today, watched spiderman 3 sia, powerpac. Zai la Tell u, Green Goblin's Son & Spiderman VS Sandman & Venom, DOTA 2v2 Draft match center lane ONLY. Haha really not bad, just that it was dumb to watch spiderman 3 when you've not watched 2 (Least i watched 1 i guess).
Mahjong at night again lor, 3 pple mahjong, no lang to play. Win $ fast, lose $ fast also. Pui, dowan play 3 pple liao.
I shall make this the last of my late nights. For some reason I have a determination to build up my physical strength so that I can make my stand in the upcoming laguna tournament.
Shall go to SIM tomorrow as well, just to try my luck, provided I have the time anyway. We shall see~
~KeongSterZ~ Everyone Has Moved On, I'm Still Stagnant, Stubborn Towards Change, Aren't You Keong?~
Posted by borny @ 3:19 AM
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Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Topic of the day: Homework of the day was done, outcome was not desirable.
Haha, ok today was a pretty, crazy day where Jon and Keong have NOTHING TO DO. Brainlessly running around changing minds half the time. Well ended up Mahjonging at the later part with JH chris jacky jon fiona, really lucky game. My $ went so low I was down $8, but ended up win-back and won $2.
I started my school search again, cause I had a new option, University of New south wales, it was HOPE, but false hope it was. So few courses, wtf. They at tanglin now, relocating to Changi, next to expo in late 2008. SIM was like the option that my mum and dad are so crazy over, so I decided to check em out again.
Haha I thought I hit the jackpot, they actually had this NEW course, psychology. So all's good, but the fucking application dates. Aiyo, missed it lah. So It's like, wahlanz, I start studying next year's August, that's like 1 year 3 months. MUM LET ME GO TO AUSTRALIA, I CAN CUT THAT BY FUCKING 12 MONTHS! (I THink, Ok, worst case cut 6 months)
So? Haha, Why didn't I apply SIM just in case NTU/SMU failed? But I do recall, initially I never did want to spend too much $, maybe I shld be stubborn and try NTU/SMU again next year, hahaha~ And meanwhile? Go full time!!!
~KeongSterZ~ Every path has their perils, adventures, and benefits. The idea's how to choose your path and forge out your story. . .~
Posted by borny @ 2:28 AM
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Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Nothing Went Right Today. I Wonder What God Has Planned For Me.
Really gets tiring whenever my brother's home. It's no longer about his bitching, it's about what he really does on the other side of that wall with the internet. Well he has the controls over that thing so god knows what he's done, but it's from bad to worse. From screwed up download speeds to can't dota properly, now it gets down to having to refresh the fricking website 7-8 times before they decide to load, and finally, MSN seems on but no, can't send messages. I feel like I'm dealing with a 56k right now. Give me another week I might not even be having an internet to begin with.
The day was really bad. I was fed with brands essence of chicken that kept me awake so bad i slept like only at 7, and my dad had to force me to wakeup to go for breakfast with my grandfather, insisting that I promised him. Well ok, I tried to slp at 10, WTF? So zombified Keong went for breakfast and had the worst feeling he'll never forget. Eyes wanna close, whole body tired, but mind damn active. Essence prolly only wore off at 11am, where i fell in deep sleep, haha. Ended up missing 12 afternoon tennis with Glenn and Gladys, and got up at 5. Where I still went to play tennis anyway, and got fucked later at midnight by coach. Well he's probably in that mood again, and well, ok I shut him up soon after, never liked people talking bout death to me. For me it'll just come when it will, so whatever if I die playing tennis, it's not his business.
Mag's down with fever, and so is Christine, so mahjong was cancelled. SARS is spreading man what the hell. And I swear I didn't spread it to them, I barely met them, unless I could spread the disease and they manifest 2 weeks later, ok maybe it's me then.
I was trapped in a very complicated situation where most people would call delicate, and in my view, I normally do not give a shit, but apparently, it seems that the wrong move I make in this path I take, will actually start wiping out my means of transportation throughout the journey. And yeah I'm talking about the tennis fraternity.
I told mr Leong that I had a sub-plan organized. Well, I DID. Just that I didn't plan the consequences. SHIT =.= Thank god I made no move yet. Well yeah, I could totally fuck studies and go into coaching. No potential students? Well, I made my move somehow, I approached a source that I'd not name at the moment for help. Seems like I could work out a solution and get some hours and some extra pocket money, as well as a reputation build that I'm not really so enthusiastic on.
Problem is, tennis coaches don't really get along well with each other, which, you might know the problem. Always trying to please everyone, Keong is really trapped in this situation. To make matters worse, I went to laguna to submit the forms, and kana approach by James (This guy can name), who apparently doesn't ring well in my mind cause I've heard stories from Shah (Initially under James) that he's money-minded. Gives me a bigger problem. Yeah it gets me more $$, keeps me occupied, that's the only good points. The bad ones? Much more =.= What to do, what to do~!
HELP LAR!~!~!~!~~ Always Have Mr Leong To Have Nice Picture Illustrations~
~KeongSterZ~ BE A MAN!~ DO THE RIGHT THING!~ But, What Is The Right Thing? =.=~
Posted by borny @ 4:02 AM
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