Friday, March 30, 2007
Topic Of The Day: As Each Day Passes, I drive myself further into my own destruction. How the hell did I actually feel so fucked up in an instant?
These days have been a fun one for me. It seemed like I had a never ending schedule of things to do, mainly fun and entertainment, recently was a chalet organized by Fiona, TP tennis team Vice-captain now, and well, 5 days 4 night till thursday, where I finally got home, dozed off, got up and played tennis with the guys, then finally caught up with dota after so long.
As I bring myself to do things closer and closer to the team, I have realized that I have again begun the cycle of my very own contradiction of my principle. Yet again, I felt that I have taken for granted the kindness the people around has given to me.
Jon has seldom rejected me to go over his place and has not stopped inviting me over to watch tennis, relax, chill and even sleep over. Dumb as he can be, he's still a nice guy, and while I'm still worrying he's being taken advantage of, I'm unknowingly taking advantage of him myself.
Fiona hasn't stopped trying to get the team together, and while I thought I was helping her get the team together, I was, in fact, doing the opposite. A logical cause would be I felt I was close enough to do backstabs, which I never wanted to do, but I just hate so many things which certain people just do. My resolve? Frontal assault, they'll get it soon.
The tennis team has their own boundaries, their own groups, their differences, and their similarities. I, for one, have amazingly clicked with everyone within the team, it seems there is no longer anyone in the team who hasn't known me better and not get along with me yet. While this is a good thing, it's also turned out to be bad, because now I feel like Mr Sociable, when hell, I know i'm not.
Those were just the internals, when you think about the long run, I totally neglected my buddies from the outside. Those who have helped me carried on with life, those who supported me during my hardest times, those who never stopped at anything to get me back on track. And when I think that they already about wasting me away this saturday, I actually feel damn happy, damn touched, and also, fucking FUCKED UP.
I can't believe I just needed to sit around and wait for dajie to help me buy present for mag, no doubt I bet she got one for me too, but doesn't make me feel happy. Where's my fucking dedication man?
So happy birthday to you in advance Keong, And I know my fucking wish already, it's to fucking set myself straight. I won't let my life go on like this. My idiocism has got to change. And it has already begun. Need them then find them, nonid them n cast them aside? WTF?
Just dropped a cake for jon as thanks for his hospitality towards me for the months we shared. I'm gonna move on to catching up with old buddies around the area. I'm not fucking taking my friends for granted.
~KeongSterZ~ They say you solve one problem, many more will show up. But if you don't solve any, you make no progress~
Posted by borny @ 6:01 AM
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Saturday, March 24, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Each and every day, I live my life in false happiness and full-time agony. FIND A JOB QUICK!~!~!~
Every single day, I go and play tennis, go and twang with friends, play dota, go out supper, play around the whole world, except work. Ok maybe, work on saturday n monday =D.
Update on status for next few days, saturday morning, coach, play tennis, play inter-club, then go home relac, then help pple fix computer. Sunday? Duty driver cum deliveryman cum carrier. Then go stay over chalet lo.
The new captain of TP had a talk with me, he really wondered if it was a good thing he accepted that position. I think maybe he thought his role a little too heavy. He's afraid of the guys not listening to him, and getting out of hand. I kinda felt, that wasn't his scale, he's no discipline master. All that matters to him is everyone throw their best at the opponents when matchplay shows up. It's the coaches job to improve them, and obviously it's the students themselves that has to rally their morale and spirit to play their best in the school tournaments. The captain is probably just someone who can get them to share the same common goal. Victory.
As for me myself, I always keep thinking of what JH tells me "Ever seen a barber cut his own hair before?" That Sentence basically means barber can help pple cut hair swee swee, but in the end, he cannot cut his own. In my situation. I can lend a helping hand to countless people in my life, but stupidly enough, I can't help myself.
Everytime I'm screwed in life, I go and find JH, my buddy, my advisor, my tekan specialist. But towards the end I ask myself "Cheebye la Keong, next time get girlfriend wanna get marry also ask him ah?" My parents are there, my brother is there, but I never ask them for help. I shoulder the damn shit all by myself. My parents do the same too, so we're even.
Now I'm still at the open plains of where I was 2 months ago. I'm still idling in the middle refusing to search out a path to walk towards. Friends have opened paths for me, but to some point, I'm not making any effort to do anything. Too comfortable with life perhaps?
~KeongSterZ~ All these were just meant to be. I'm being taunted for my Hesitance, I'm being taken for a dumbass, and to me, you're wasting your damn breath~
Posted by borny @ 2:36 AM
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Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Towards The Very End, We're All Humans, To That Point, There's Just So Much One Can Do.
Today was just bad lah, coaching got no Shah, kids go rampant again, not as bad as last wk tho. Kanina everytime finish coaching there throat sure sore one, no wonder now I can shout so loud. Knn.
Then suddenly Shah tell me got to private coach this fellow. End up stay there until 6pm, Kana saman $30 at 5:55pm, GAN SUEY. Sibei no luck. Datz y I always say Keong no fate with $$$ one. Give fren nvm, Tmd give to government to put more "NO SMOKING" Posters and all. Wahlan eh.
At night played tennis with Dave against Alan n Joel, both sides needed to train doubles anyway. Goddamn gave us such a hard fight we won tiebreak 11-9 sia. Sibei Jialat. Somemore also dunno how the fuck I 2nd set suddenly can switch off my motion sensor and reaction detector and suddenly just become a retarded player like some stupid cheebye who just learnt how to play tennis. Kanina 15 years liao leh, still got this kind of pattern, WTF man.
Finish tennis liao go makan lo, then send Dave n Alan home, ended up at simei, Jio mervyn go out talk cock at Simpang, then later send him home and lastly go dota with Jon n Yong. Think most of my finances end up in the lanshops sia.
After so long, and after intel from Mervyn, it seems the Fried Char Siew Bao that I assumed that only Malaysia have, actually have in Singapore, and all over the place somemore. Wahahah CALTEX PETROL STATION!! Every station also got sell! Wah today eat 2, SIBEI SWEE LAR!!!
~KeongsterZ~ As Much As I'd Like To Not Do Anything, I Flatly Refuse To~
Posted by borny @ 3:33 AM
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Monday, March 19, 2007
Topic Of The Day: What A Day It Was
Hung out with my old army mates, 2 having a job now, one studying, one still in army, and well, a full time slacker, ME! Went to Changing Appetites @ Marina square where the food, sucked. Fish N chips were FishSkin N Chips rather. Soup was good tho.
Went around Plaza, then simlim with them, looked around systems and all, damn so wanted a laptop, but screw the damn shit, I'll just use it to dota anyways.
Night was spent playing mahjong with Fiona, Merv N Tim. End results? I lose $4, Tim Lose $8, Merv Kio $12. Like Keong Will Always Say "Qing Ni Chi Ji Fan Lar!~" (Treat U Go Eat Chicken Rice), the same was to Mervyn =p.
They go home, Tim stay at my place, 3am still go Jon's hse watch tennis, wah both of us collapse at his hse sia, but 6am lanlan wakeup go send him home. Kena ultimate rain in the middle of ECP, cannot see a SHIT. Everyone just on hazard light, go back bedok no rain, WTF.
Drop tim Liao i go book tennis courts again, kanina the same coaches I see all day, sibei tua pai talk like they damn big. One look like nice guy, one stupid malay, and one who look fucking grumpy sia, super combination.
See time now 7:31 liao, guess it's time to slp la~
~KeongSterZ~ I Shall Never Fall Into The Same Trap Again~
Posted by borny @ 7:27 AM
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Saturday, March 17, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Keong's day Just wasn't today.
Bad day today, things just didn't go as planned somehow. I had to admit I was easily pissed at alot of people today, I mean like, damn, things weren't just going smoothly. Thank god I was reminded somehow of this sentence "You can say what you want to say easily, but know that you can never take it back once you do." So I held back, and well, I guess the rest of the day was ok.
It was like I was preaching to someone. Everyone has a good side, and a bad side. No one knows their bad side lest they're told, everyone knows their good side cause they'll remember once they're told about it. It comes natural. It feels good to be recognized.
It's really unhealthy for me to get screamed around with the "stupid" issue all day. Sometimes I feel sad being told like that, and really, I may have gotten used to it, but sometimes I really wonder "Is it really good to be used to such things?"
Something I definetely know though, I cannot go mad, cause once I do, I'm showing myself that I'm petty. I can happily insult Jon n Fiona n they can take it well, so what the hell? That should be what they mean by "a piece of your own medicine"
My life has never felt any emptier, it's like I'm still avoiding reality, running away from finding a job, as much as I keep telling myself, I keep drifting off into space. Amazingly enough I do not have time to find a job but have so much time to waste going around.
It's just like JH says "No $$$ go pitstop got $$$ buy LCD monitor." Rephrasing in my issue is "No time find job got time to fuck around" *Scratches Head*
~KeongSterZ~ Saying What You Want To Say Is Easy, But Once You Do, Know That You'll Never Be Able To Take It Back~ Be Wise With Words~
Posted by borny @ 1:40 AM
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Friday, March 16, 2007
Topic Of The Day: I'm Finally Home, I Suppose.
Keong embarked on a mission. Well, to stop myself from touching a computer for just a while. That was what I felt board games cafe actually did that was beneficial to hardcore gamers like Me, get us out of the computer for awhile and play something different. And apparently, board games seriously did not look so fun to me when I start thinking back on my collection of monopoly, jenga, cluedo, game of life, hotel etc. Normally would end up fighting =p.
But yeah, I was introduced to such a place on JH's last birthday 8 months ago and honestly, it was ok-ok to me at that time, cuz my mind thinking of dota only. This year I experimented with my first group of people, bringing the first dota gang to the same place, PITSTOP, to play. Ahha hell it worked very well, everyone had loads of fun.
Then part 2 came outta nowhere where Fiona organized a 2nd one on her own accord, and yeah, with mostly different people too, damn they enjoyed the living shit out of it. Now they wanna go again today. Nutz they all, but well, it's really a good thing. It's just too expensive to play all day like that, it's more expensive than dota man. . . .
Well back to pitstop part 2 where Fiona organized a trip to pitstop with sim, derru, chua, glenn, wen, me and joel. Before that I moved into Laguna for a 3 day 2 night accompany-Sjai trip since he was coaching VJC girls, so he was alone in his room, and also a 3 day 2 night Operation-Get-Keong-Out-Of-Computers-for-awhile which obviously succeeded. I haven't touched a computer since I got my stuff there.
Well ahha the whole lot of shit was fun, among the grp of 8 there were 3 people familiar with such a place while the rest were new. The fact that they enjoyed themselves, well, it was cool. Apart from some drawbacks, but towards the end I just told myself "Keong, they're still young, you were like that at their age too."
Happy times were spent on that day, especially with Chua and Glenn, cause one thing I know for sure, Keong can't stick with the team forever, and go figures I have less than a year before I'm forced to leave. Chua has one more year before graduation and goin to NS, Glenn and weihan are already on standby. So let's just say they're leaving as well. The end of the tau hueys? I hope not, so well, enjoy these happy times while everyone's still around.
Which is why I always say I love pitstop, because they capture the memories for you, the photos =.= They work well, seriously. Everyone's very happy with it, I don't really care about the money, I'll just buy the memories. Regarding my debate with Shan over this, I'll just conclude one thing, Everybody's lazy lah, they'll just pay to get =p.
My entire thursday was spent playing tennis, morning with the VJ girls, afternoon too. Damn they whoop my ass~ Then went to TP to hit till 9pm then go back laguna shower n go makan dinner lo. Fucking hungry sia. Then I just went back Laguna and totally collapsed.
Woke up today and just packed up and came home looo. Miss my computer h0h0h0. Mission accomplished. Time to get serious with life eh?
KeongSterZ~ I really prefer just living with fate, not going against it~
Posted by borny @ 10:49 AM
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Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Topic Of The Day: Keong has realized that the fucking date and time will be posted right at the bottom anyways, so what is the fucking point of putting "DATE" and "TIME" Anyway.
The past few days have been spent without much free time, it's busy, fun, yet agonizing at the same time. All at one shot. Who would have known of the sudden change in events, but sometimes I really wonder if you really need to be tactful in everything, because I, for one, am trying to be special, or others would relate as "try to be funny", I totally rely on my tactlessness to deal with situations and just pray they'd deal with my honesty and go with what I hoped for them to do. But no, that doesn't seem to work.
Monday was spent coaching, then tennis with tp guys, then movie with Merv, watched 300, cool shit it was. Then we parted ways and I went home to dota. Oh yeah I went out with jon for supper after that and ended up staying over at his place.
Jon's hse was amazing, the fucking bed and matress and aircon, omg the best combination, I didn't want to get up, it was comfort man.
Now monday does sound like it was spent pretty well, but no it wasn't. Someone important in my life was suffering from nature's flow, and she wasn't about to share it with anyone around her. Well I wouldn't say it pained me, it just got my brain actively worrying about it.
Worse yet I had to have this dream where this girl just walked out of me. A more specific description of "walked out on me" would just means that without explanation, without reason, just walking off. Man, even as much as that was a dream, I was hit so hard, I could remember the fricking dream even now, only reminded me when chewy walked out of me, ouch, I lied on bed grasping my heart for the next 3 days. Maybe I've really found out one of my biggest weakpoints. I wouldn't say it happens just with girls, but with my buddies too. Oversensitivity, I say.
Today was worse, I got my pride hit so hard. I played a match and was up 5-2, then I told my partner to start testing some things n all, ended up losing. And I got hit real bad "Never ever fool around even if you're leading high up." Damn, I felt so like shit. . . . . Even until now. A lifetime lesson learnt, for sure.
~KeongSterZ~ Like I always say, Shit Likes to Come Together. Or Is It Really So?~
Posted by borny @ 5:00 AM
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Sunday, March 11, 2007
Date: 11th March 2007
Time: 0102Hrs
Situation: ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A whole bunch of things to look forward to, a whole bunch of things to NOT look forward to, and a whole buncha things that I got to fricking settle. So which will it be? Well I don't have a choice, all it shall be.
So I'm free like nobody's business now, I'm supposed to be goddamn free apart from monday afternoon and saturday morning coaching. Well depends on how I settle the time frame. From now till the tennis open, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
Go figures that since I've been playing so fucking long and still playing like a dog, It's obvious that research on that point is to no avail (Aka Keong can no longer be improved), so what will have to be done is probably to work on my teamwork with Sim and deal with his in-court-confidence.
Today's coaching? Hell I must say, bedok tennis centre has 4 courts, we're talking about old birds there while I'm the only new one, and I'm dealing with girls who are just spoilt to the core. Extremely hard to deal with personnel and lots of noise coming off my court. I was kinda immune to the "Disgrace" but I knew eyes were staring at me. It was the start of something I had always wanted to avoid. . . . . Entering the Tennis coaches political scene. Word shall go around of a long-hair-bastard going round doing tennis coaching, I wonder if anyone will come and confront me. I dare them to try =D. The challanges of life.
Here's one huge flaw of Keong that I'd urge anyone and everyone not to bother with. Help me. Yes don't fucking help me. I've so realized that I don't build my own path, rather I wait for others to set them up for me and then I suffer my way through that path revealed by others. I'm tired of that, but I'm still taking no action, if that's the case, I believe driving myself to the extreme would do the trick. So yes, Do not help this motherfucking lazy asshole.
Can't believe I just decided to shrug off NTU jez cause I'm lazy, I dunno anyway, it's just an open house, so I figured I already applied, what for I need go open house anyway, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. Who cares, I'm Wright Wong =D.
Tomorrow is time for SMU and the IT show, for some reason. I'm just feeling so ready to shrug em off as well. I guess I do not need to go afterall . . . . Is what I think =.= Maybe the IT show, but the crowd is a turnoff man . . . .Shall see how it goes.
~KeongSterZ~ Attempting the so-called-impossible. It may be impossible, fail then fail lor =p
Posted by borny @ 1:02 AM
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Saturday, March 10, 2007
Date: 10th March 2007
Time: 0706Hrs
Situation: The Next Challenge Is Right ahead Of Me
In another 53 Minutes time, I will be doing my first coaching. . . solo, in public. I can so see all the old men coaches staring at me watching how I'll handle the 2 girls and their mum. Well, it is a challenge afterall, you never know what'd happen.
Dunno you call this suey or what, NTU/SMU open house same weekend, IT show also same weekend, wahlan. Shaggy. But ok la, got it all planned lor, NTU today, SMU tomorrow, IT show at night, that's it la. Looks like I'll be running around alone today.
~KeongSterZ~ Mai Luan Lai Liao La~
Posted by borny @ 7:06 AM
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Friday, March 09, 2007
Date: 9th March 2007
Time : 1857Hrs
Situation: At My Lowest Point Of Self-Esteem
And there you have it, I have officially Quit working at H.I.G.H, Club appreciation night has started and all I'm thinking is going there late since it's goddamn fucking boring there anyway. Or rather not go at all zZzZz.
I'm at home feeling empty all over, the feeling of not going back there to work anymore, feeling of jobless, except that i quit at home, my bro's being an ass as usual, and I just do not want to find a full time job. What am I~? What in the world am I supposed to look forward to?
Get me out of this fucking hellhole. Home's a place to relax and forget, I get more hell at home than outside, what in the world is going on!~?
~KeongSterZ~ I need a holiday, a really long one. ~
Posted by borny @ 6:57 PM
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Date: 09 March 2007
Time: 1409Hrs
Situation: Work Work~
WEF Today, I should be tendering my resignation from H.I.G.H. I Just can't take it anymore, maybe I'm just a pussy-meant-to-be.
Something Good To Look At, I'm too in love with this song, God knows why, but it just owns to me.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid219252230/bctid194642827
KeongSterZ~ Heh I'm aware what you're trying to say to me, I'm gonna do some soul searching before I give you a reply =D~
Posted by borny @ 2:09 PM
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Date: 9th March 2007
Time: 0353 Hrs (And I Blog Halfway Went Dotaing, Continued at 0515Hrs)
Situation: . . . . I couldn't have asked for any worse situation.
Today really seemed like a fine day, afternoon was spent really well and lots of fun with JH, Merv n Fiona. What I'm really happy is that JH has always hung around my buddies without a problem and hasn't really complained much. I wish I could do the least to him and his buddies. But I'm not as spontaneous as he is, and I don't exactly hit well with people at the very start well like he does.
So we spent today well at settlers cafe, had lots of fun. Then tennis later which involved the team basically never was supposed to include me, but included me anyway. What was kinda bad about that was money was involved, it was like gambling, better yet. All I got was one game, so it was more towards I could only put my money in and watch kinda thing. It was fun nonetheless.
Who would have known that night would actually turn into living hell. I don't know man, but too many things just decided to happen. I got my H.I.G.H pay, and as expected, I was . . . Taken advantage of again. Well I really think that maybe I'm just not meant for helping people out. I'm not emphasizing further. I'm saying sorry to the guys there, and I should be permanently opting out next week onwards.
Then came part 2 when I had to endure shit going on at the workplace from both sides, customers and bosses. Really wanted to pull my damn hair. I endured army, I really dunno why I couldn't hold out on this one, but to me, it was my last straw. I seriously didn't care if I had no money. I just wanted to get out of there.
Who would have guessed, part 3 came. Another argument with JH. This is something I really can't figure. Is it Me or is it him? Am i stubborn or is he one-sided? Am I just trying to be what I want to be, or is he just as dominant as before? No way I can really find out.
I had an agreement that I will not give in to things that I feel I am right with, putting aside our friendship of him scolding me all the time. God wonders if I'm just trying too hard, but somehow I don't feel I'm wrong, which is argumentative as usual.
One thing I know for sure though, at least this is happening before the business started. It's a startoff of what the situation would be like in the near future. Probably would take it as the warm-up session. But then again, I don't know. Looks like I'm not business material. And it seems to me now he gets mad almost too easily. Too much stress perhaps?
~KeongSterZ~ Can't figure anything out, how to be a psychologist ~ ~ ~ zZzZz
Posted by borny @ 3:53 AM
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Thursday, March 08, 2007
Date: 8 March 2007
Time: 0412Hrs
Situation: Who Knows? =D. Work is boring, but hell
It's been just, 2 days. I've worked, and worked, and all I did is watch people play dota. When i finally got to play, it was like heaven to me. Hell, my life isn't any better. I'm still experiencing the difficulty consuming food, and I was dumb enough not to realize that I should just go see a doctor until Jh told me to.
Days ago, I found out something, that relationships were always difficult, just that maybe we didn't think too far into it. Don't be mistaken, I'm not talking bout boy girl relationship. It's just the friendship circle I'm talking about. Friends, the ever-so-hard-to-deal-with task. It's nearly impossible to keep everyone happy, and requires much tact to handle. Something which I just don't wanna waste time bothering with.
And then i found out some friendship ties are so strong, that they'll make a great impact on you if not around for a period of time. Jon is one such person, about the 3rd day he's gone now, another 5 more to go, and I've already heard 5 others telling me that they're damn bored that he's not around, Not including myself.
If people noticed my friendster, I mentioned a little about the different kinds of people around.
I shall really kinda emphasize on the dumb people. Well it sounds bad to them, but I really wished I was dumb somehow. But I was born sensitive. Goddamn.
The nature of dumb people. Blur, gullible, always making mistakes, doing stupid things and sorts, but cause of his simplicity, seldom gets angry, friendly, nonetheless, clicks well with anyone since they just get dominated around, and always doing stupid things to make people laugh.
Such people, I've seen often. Seriously they don't really click well, but rather, get along well with everyone. I don't think they have enemies unless it's for really stupid issues. But to be honest, I really like them the best. I wish I was them, cause they're the most direct people you could ever find anywhere.
~Keongster~ Try My Patience, I'll Make You Remember Me For Life~
Posted by borny @ 4:12 AM
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Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Date: 6th March 2007
Time :0329Hrs
Situation: Mixed emotions =D
Going back to work really brings only one word to you. SIAN!~ Back to 6 hour of poor standing and bitching. This bartender Syvester guy really gives me the creeps sometimes. With the things he tells me. But he's taught me much, for that, I suppose I'm thankful for that.
Special Thanks to Leong JH, my usual buddy, for going through name-thinking for me. And Keong has finally chosen one. Even tho I really feel good with Keong, I think for outsiders it'd be better for a new one. And The Chosen Name~ WRIGHT! (Yeah Right) Well that's how you pronounce it anyway, Right!
Yeah fuck, since it starts with W anyway, and it sounds good to me, Why Not Man? "What's your name?" "Wright", "Yeah Right, You Sure?" "Yeah You're Right, I'm Wright" =.=. It's a good reminder to constantly remind myself to do what I think is Right anyway. But if Mag was around, She's just transfer my Surname Wong To add the R and make it wRong. So my full name would be "Right Wrong Weng Keong" =X
So that's about all I have to declare. I'm a pretty happy man, for some reason this year I decided to actually spend my birthday doing SOMETHING. Nvr really did anything at all every year, except maybe the suprise attack at 18 where I was dead drunk for 4hours. Even my 21st birthday was spent repairing my master's computer.
So this year, I guess I'll do it at pitstop, dunno why, but that place attracts me, because I know, the happiness will be captured on picture and everyone will have a copy of the good memories. Even better I got Mag along, so what the hell? What more could I ask for? Let's just hope nothing goes wrong I guess. My birthday's a fricking Monday anyway. What the hell?
Well the bad part is I actually decided to celebrate cause I had a feeling it'd be my last. My eyes seem to be able to see the netherworld closing in for some reason. I can't believe I'm experiencing this, but yeah, every meal I eat now requires suffering and agony to get the food down. The feeling of puking everything you eat is like when you have a hangover, with the difference that I'm perfectly fine until I decide to SWALLOW something.
The bad things have to add on with my abnormal hours, even my wanting to sleep just couldn't bring me to do so. I'd be super restless while tired at the same time. My whole body's going nuts. My headache's getting so much more frequent than normal, sometimes I really wonder If I should listen to my mum afterall.
~KeongSterZ~ That What they mean by treasuring every minute you have? ~
Posted by borny @ 3:26 AM
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Monday, March 05, 2007
Date: 5th March 2007
Time: 0440Hrs
Situation: Gotta wakeup in another 1 1/2 hrs time.
A situation of ultimate doubt. I'm due to show up at the bedok community centre at 7am later on to book tennis courts, according to Sjai, to ensure that I get the fricking courts. Well whatever, that timing is ok with me, but I really wonder if it'll be a good thing to show my coaching side in public now.
I mean, aside from the fact that I've been an assistant all this while, for once I'm actually taking over his student permanently, and like, doing it outside, in public. Now I'm almost not known in the coaching scene, and have no intention to be known, but kinda, it seems that I've dragged myself into this situation that calls for me to be known, whether good or bad. And it starts this saturday. FUCK! Well but it's for $60 =.= so what the hell. Really dunno if I'm really dedicated to coaching anymore or just for the cash.
I spent some time looking around my application for both NTU and SMU, and to be honest, when I look at it myself, I just feel like laughing. I smell my chances. Near zero. So kinda I already know what's gonna happen, why am I still idling around and not finding full-time or just study elsewhere?
My world, has ended. Why am I still with H.I.G.H? Why am I not searching for full time? Why? Do I just plan to cling on to life like that? $600 a Month? What do I take life for? Fun?
~KeongSterZ~ No Longer Knows What He's Doing ~
Posted by borny @ 4:39 AM
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Sunday, March 04, 2007
Date: 4th March 2007 Again~
Time: 1434Hrs
Situation: Life At It's Highest Intensity Of Emptiness
You wake up on a sunday morning, and you get into analytical mode. You feel restless yet exhausted, you lie in bed lazily but know you goddamn don't want to sleep. You're at your highest level of sianzation. What's worse is you dream dreams that you wished you never did see, this instance brings you into a situation of having excessive LAZY energy overflowing off you.
That's me today, shag~ Worse is I got so many things I can do, but, Fuck lah, Find job, CHEEBYE. I stared into the mirror yesterday and saw me as an old man. Started to think of the death cycle and it scares the living shits out of me. I just wished I don't know what would happen after I die.
I spent the whole time spying into blogs I've never really spied on before, and it suprises me to notice. Majority of these peepz are lost in love, guys and girls.
The girls always try to express their emotions in their blogs to the max, they do not go straight to the point, but yeah, the hint's always there, and somehow they're trying to grab some attention and maybe pray the message will spread all the way to their target.
The guys? Almost the same, except with the difference of actually expressing their emotionality so directly they'll look like they're lifeless people without their targets with them. They directly "Expose" their loneliness and sorts.
Both sides would probably start talking things they worry about in their relationship and sorts, and if good things happen, they'll also express it out and sorts.
But towards the end, it just so seems that it's a part of life to take the test of love, with society. How you fare in your results, well depends entirely on your heart and you. Even if you're gay or lesbian, I'd suppose you still have to go through these problems.
With the suprising sight of almost everyone around me experiencing being lost in love, I actually felt if it was actually good for me to be entirely kicked out in the first place. Like "Hey I'm not lost, I'm just totally screwed."
With Jon being gone too, one gang down. The boredom just went up loads all of a sudden.
~KeongSterZ~ Got No Time Arh!~ But So Much Time To Waste. What The Fuck Laaaaa~
Posted by borny @ 2:30 PM
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Date: 4th March 2007
Time: 0249Hrs
Situation: Damn shiok week, seriously. It's been too long.
This whole week off from H.I.G.H was one I'd feel I had not wasted, but to be honest, I also regret. My expenditure has flown up to a very high margin till I nearly depleted my Chinese New Year Collection.
To start off, Monday was spent going to Ikea looking around and then at home resting due to first day of FLU. Didn't go coaching and earned $50 less but what the hell. Night visited Maria's place with JH n Chris, Sjai n Shah. Well Chris really loved that place, and went down again on tuesday, but I rested anyway.
Tuesday I went visiting Settlers @ Chinatown and Minds @ Boat Quay. First day of massive expenditure, but it was good experience. Really good. Then I spent the night dotaing with Jon n Gang until pretty late.
Wednesday was spent visiting this board games shop that sells a wide variety of board games (As listed before), then we went over to Minds @ Parklane. More board gaming and all, ahha. Well I'd say the same thing, It was cool nonetheless. Only the fucking rain ruined it.
Thursday was SUPPOSEDLY resting cuz I was still sick but still running around. Ended up playing late night dota with jon n gang at H.I.G.H again. The guys may be crazy addicts, but It's been a long time since I was attached to a gang to do so many things together. Really brings back memories.
Friday was the day of pitstop. It rained again, so I didn't tennis. Brought 8 guys along to pitstop, many bad things happened. Pitstop not happy us, I can't blame them knowing their situation and our situation, but well, the majority still feels that they should at least still respect us since we're the customers. Okay, customers always win anyway, That's why I'm always that screwed at H.I.G.H.
One thing I must emphasize about pitstop that Minds and Settlers do not have. Pitstop has the number 1 thing that people treasure. Memories. Their ending strategy of taking a picture n printing em out for everyone to keep as well as paste on the wall, damn cool strategy it was. I had a great time with the fellars despite the drawbacks, and still had a photo as keepsake, MWahahahaha. Good job to the pitstop people for that.
Friday wasn't over, went over to Jon hse with the gang to gamble and then ended it sleepin over at his cosy home.
Saturday~ Play tennis in morning, doze off at his hse again, play more poker at his house, and finally went to eat steamboat at Marina Bay with Jon n gang(That's something I haven't done for 6 years, last time was with TP tennis team when I was YEAR ONE!). Then late night dota again and finally supper (just a drink tho). Jon's leaving for Indo 4hrs later, so life will go on without him for awhile, but nonetheless, he's already become a close friend to me without me realizing it. Well honestly, I really thank him for that, regardless of his countless road accidentals and charging traffic lights.
Next week, back to work lo, H.I.G.H monday-friday. Well time to earn back what I spent, I guess =p.
~KeongSterZ~ Happy experience it was, not forever it would be, but memories it will stay, and push me they shall~
Posted by borny @ 2:47 AM
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Friday, March 02, 2007
Date: 2nd March 2007
Time: 0351hrs
Situation: Long Day~ ~ ~
Wakeup send father go airport. Go home sleep awhile, then fren come and sign some documents with me, tennis later and finally~ PITSTOP~. Well . . . My first time going since JH's birthday, kinda curious to know what it's turned out to be now.
Being on the road for so long has finally made me conscious to one thing, that Keong is so damn bloody one-sided on the road. Always dun plan his bloody route, end up always taking the usual routes like GOING HOME route even though he is NOT and so on. Shag la. Today was bad enough. Go bedok interchange from simei I make wrong turn from Changi hospital go right like goin home, then last min cut into PIE tot smart alec can escape, end up realize "CB BEDOK NO EXIT TOWARDS TUAS!" End up come out eunos drive back to bedok. PUI.
Anyway it's been a long time since people mentioned I needed an english name. JH re-emphasized it just recently and now I do realize, I NEED ONE. Everytime I call somebody who doesn't know my name, It's very hard for me to describe myself as Keong, They'll just, WHO? WHO? CHEEBYE LA.
Keong's open for any appropriate english names. I know I have Walter and all, but really dun like it. I'm seriously considering Jack sia, Jackass ma =D. But no, too common. Somehow I like J, Maybe I'd just take Jerry. Mwahahaha
~KeongSterZ~ It's been a long time since I worried about $, it seems I'm spending em all off pretty quickly~
Posted by borny @ 3:50 AM
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